


Growing up

by wannabe_free



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabe_free/pseuds/wannabe_free
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maura and Anne met at their childbirth preparation classes.</p><p>Maura put her mat next to Anne's and made a crude joke about how fat they looked in Lycra. After that day they hit it off immediately.</p><p>They always paired up to do their exercises together and when the class was over, they had coffee and waited for their husbands to pick them up.</p><p>Over coffee, they talked about future strolls to the park and first birthday parties preparations and when they got really carried away, they joked about their children falling in love with each other.</p><p>And eventually they did.</p><p>(Or the one where Harry and Niall grow up and fall in love together.) FINISHED AND EDITED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is a prelude, it's not part of the real story, the story will start in chapter two, but I thought that it is necessary to introduce Niall's and Harry's stories before. Next part will be different, much more dialogue, and it will focus on the 16th year.  
> I don't know yet which pairing will be endgame.

Maura and Anne meet at their childbirth preparation classes.

 

Maura puts her mat next to Anne's and makes a crude joke about how fat they look in Lycra. After that day they hit it off immediately.

 

They always pair up to do their exercises together and when the class is over, they have a coffee and wait for their husbands to pick them up.

 

Over coffee, they talk about future strolls to the park and first birthday parties preparations and when they get really carried away they joke about their children falling in love with each other.

 

Maura is expecting her child a little bit earlier than Anne but you can't really tell by the way Anne's belly looks like it's about to burst open. For her part, Maura makes sure the doctors don't tell her the sex of her child. However, she's got a feeling that it's going to be a girl. Anne on the contrary, knows for sure that she is expecting a boy and has already chosen his name. She will call him Harry.

 

However, two months later Maura is blessed with a boy and she calls Niall.

 

The day Niall is born, Anne and his husband Des visit them at the maternity ward. Anne's belly is impossibly big by now and her clothes barely fit her but, as she leans over Niall's crib to see him for the very first time, she glows. She studies the blotchy small baby in front of her and takes his tiny hand in hers, smiling tenderly when he opens his blue eyes to look at her.

 

“He's beautiful, Maura.” She whispers overwhelmed.<

 

From her position on the bed, Maura lets her lips curls up in a lazy, tired smile and, as she observes her best friend carefully lifting up his child in her arms y, she concedes, “Yeah, I know.”

 

Anne rocks Niall back and forth in her arms, making sure to hold his head in place. Suddenly, she turns towards Des, her eyes glinting when she exclaims, “Harry is kicking like mad!, I bet he can't wait to come out and play with Niall.”

 

“They are going to be the best buddies.” Bobby says, walking to Maura's bed and fixing the duvets over her.

 

All of them nod their heads as Niall drifts back to sleep.

 

Niall and Harry spend their first years of life constantly together. They do not choose to be friends but there is no other way around it, really, because they spend almost every hour together and Harry learns how to walk way earlier than he should and Maura assures that he just wants to keep up with Niall.

 

Baby Harry is smitten with baby Niall and it brings tears to his green eyes when Anne explains to him that he can't join Niall's little adventures yet because Niall is older than him, therefore he can do things that Harry still can't. 

So Harry is left to watch heartbroken from his mother's arms as Niall plays with his slightly older friends.

 

When they are eight Anne and Des get divorced and Anne decides to move closer to the Horan's household.

 

After school, Anne works and Maura looks after both of the boys. She makes sure that they make their homework, supervises them as they play football in the backyard and makes them orange juice afterward when they are tired and sweaty. At ten, Bobby and Niall walk Harry to his house.

 

On weekends they all have dinner together. Sometimes it gets very late and when Anne goes to Niall's room to announce its time to go home both of the boys pretend to be asleep on Niall's bed so Harry doesn't have to leave. At that, Anne and Maura smile and pretend to overlook the shuffling and the giggling under the covers.

 

They are used to each other in a way only brothers and sisters are.

 

They take each other for granted because they have learned to live their life with the other's constant presence. When school is over they automatically head together to either Niall's or Harry's house, always together. It is only natural. Even those days when they are mad and sick of each other, the possibility of going home alone doesn't even cross their mind; they are tuned that way, have been for years.

 

At school they hang out with the same people as well.

 

They meet Liam and Louis on their second year and they fall into an easy friendship shortly after that.

The good thing with Louis and Liam is that they accept that Harry and Niall are HarryandNiall and that the two of them have this unusual bond between them. It would be so tempting to get jealous when Harry announces that this weekend Niall's parents are taking them to the Alton Towers, or every time that the two of them have sleepovers at Harry's. Then, there are the inside jokes, the familiarity, the way Harry knows every single one of Niall's cousins, (even the ones that live in Ireland.)

 

However, Liam and Louis are always very understanding. They have figured out how Harry and Niall work. They know that sometimes they need to spend some time alone and they respect that.

 

Other times Niall and Harry need to be apart. Those times when they get on each other's nerves, and every little thing one of them does annoys the hell out of the other.

 

Because Niall and Harry have fights all the time. At first it made Liam and Louis uncomfortable, not sure if they were suppose to choose a side or not. Now though, Liam and Louis have learned to ignore them and just let them be until they calm down and shrug whatever has caused the argument aside.

 

When they are twelve Harry goes through a rough patch when his mother falls in love with an older man called Robin. Then, Harry starts to behave like a right twat.

At school he gets into a lot of trouble; he tells the teacher he hasn't done his homework, even though Niall knows that's a lie because they made them together in his house.

 

At home he is really difficult; he no longer talks to Anne, he shouts at her. It gets really messed up to the point Anne makes him visit a psychologist. Harry gets really upset at this; almost scared and goes to find Niall at his house. Then he cries for what seems like an eternity and asks Niall if he is a bad person and if he is going to hell.

 

Niall hugs him and shakes his head because he sees right thought his friend and knows better. Knows that Harry doesn't need a psychologist nor a punishment. What Harry really needs is his mother to hug him and tell him that he is always going to come first.

 

In the end, Harry realizes that no matter how many tantrums he throws, Robin is here to stay, so eventually he drifts back to his old nice self. Howeverl he is never quite the same after that because the moment he realizes that his mother is no longer only his, his innocence is gone and he is no longer a child.

 

When Niall is thirteen he realizes he is gay for the first time and he definitely doesn't have an easy time coming to terms with this new side of himself.

 

One day, when he is in the locker room for football practice, his eyes fall on the new kid, Josh, who stands stark naked in front of him. And, when Niall realizes that his eyes are lingering, the guilt consumes him.

 

The image of Josh's soft cock haunts him for days and eventually he has to resort to gay porn to calm his ever growing curiosity.

 

When he does, he feels so dirty that he cries for hours.</p>

 

He doesn't tell anyone and eventually it becomes such an issue that he leaves the football team, giving his parents and friends half arsed excuses. When Harry looks at him questioningly, Niall squirms under his green gaze but insists that he is telling the true.

 

When they are fourteen Niall and Harry get rid of the awkwardness that comes with early adolescence.

 

They have a growth spurt and loose their baby fat. Their acne finally succumbs and their jaws get sharper and for the first time, when they look at themselves on the mirror they see something they actually like.

 

It is then when they start to get attention. Niall can now tell when he is being flirted by a girl, and even though it is flattering, he resigns himself to accept that it is not tempting in the slightest.

 

However when he does gets the attention from a boy in the same year, well... that's different.

 

The boy's name is Andy and he is openly gay.

 

He approaches Niall by his locker and introduces himself and Niall blushes furiously and looks around frantically like a paranoiac. They are not doing anything wrong; just talking. However, Niall feels as if they were having sex right in the middle of the school corridors.

 

When Andy asks for Niall for his phone number, the blond gives it to him eagerly because Andy is hot as hell and Niall has been eying him for a while.

 

However, Niall regrets it when, as he and Harry make homework peacefully in Harry's kitchen, Andy texts him to asks if the blond wants to hang out with him next day.

 

A this, Niall looks upwards frantically and hides his phone under the table; suddenly afraid that Harry will read it, (even though it doesn't say anything compromising).

 

Soon Niall starts panicking and he can taste bile in his mouth at the very thought of having a date with a boy, even if he likes him.

 

“Hey, mate are you alright?”

 

Harry has put his pencil on the table and is now looking at him worriedly.

 

Niall flushed and gulps, his eyes flickering to Harry's way too quickly, “Sure, it's just that I got this wrong again.” He lies pointing to his battered book.

 

Harry gives him this lingering skeptic look that Niall has grown so used to in the last year. He says, “Oookey,” and rolls his green eyes before he goes back to his homework.

 

Niall gets up then; his heart hammering in his chest, and announces that he needs to use the loo. When he is securely locked in the bathroom he text Andy back with “ Sorry mate, I can't.”

 

Niall actually changes his phone number after that.

 

For his part, Harry suddenly becomes this popular party wild creature. He has snogged most of the girls in their year, (some even older), and he always makes sure that he doesn’t spare Niall a single detail about the things he does with them.

 

Every weekend they get invited to parties.

 

Niall never says it, but he hates every single second of them. He'd rather be at home or in a quiet place with the boys but he knows how much Harry loves them. So he just goes and tries to dodge Harry's fruitless attempts to make Niall hook up with different girls. </p>

 

<p>“I don't get it, Niall. She looked very interested,” 

Harry seems utterly confused when Niall comes to him. It's been two minutes since Harry left him alone with a very hot, very eager girl, and Niall can tell Harry is becoming frustrated with this situation.

 

“I dunno mate." The blonde lies. "I leaned to kissed her, and she turned her face in the last second.”

 

And Niall is relieved when Harry gives up sorting his love life and disappears into the crowd with the look of a hunter.

 

That year he tells Harry (everyone) more lies than he has in all his life.

 

He is so afraid that people might find out the truth that sometimes he finds himself late at night imagining how it would telling his secret to his parents and Harry. He imagines their reaction and tries to convince himself it would not be that bad. Afterwards, he stays awake for the rest of the night; his hands sweaty and his heart beating hard against his ribcage.

 

Niall is fifteen and sick of the lying when he takes the decision. He is not going to hook up with more girls. No matter how much Harry pesters him about it, he refuses to do it again. And it is only fair that the curly haired is the first to know.

 

They are in Niall's room after school. Harry is draped lazily over his chair checking his facebook on Niall's computer, and the blond is laying on his bed facing the ceiling.

 

Niall takes a deep breath and, half hoping that Harry won't hear him, he mutters, “I need to tell you something.”

 

However, Harry does hear him and he turns on the swivel chair so that he is facing Niall and placing his barefoot feet on the bed.

 

Niall knows that if he looks at Harry he is going to lose all his courage so his eyes fall on his lap and his fingers stasrt twisting the fabric of his t-shirt.

 

“I... please don't be mad at me, what I am going to tell you is really, really bad.” Harry frowns at that; his face showing how worried he is and Niall immediately regrets opening his mouth.

 

“Ni, common, you can tell me anything.”

 

Niall feels his eyes watering and his hands disgustingly clammy.

 

“You are going to hate me.” Niall repeats out loud what the voice in his head is repeating like a mantra and finally breaks down; his throat heaving heartbreaking sobs.

 

Harry jumps from his seat and swiftly lays on the bed besides Niall engulfing him with his arms.

 

“Hey Ni, what are you talking about? It's me, I can't hate you.”

 

Niall lets Harry's whispers comfort him for a while. He can feel Harry capturing random tears with his fingers; his green eyes boring into Niall's profile as he waits patiently for the blond to calm himself.

 

“Ni, if this is what I think it is then I'm going to be mad with you for getting so upset.”

 

Niall looks up at him taken aback. Harry's face is void of any emotion, but he definitely isn't mad and his arms are still wrapped loosely around Niall. When the blond talks his voice is hoarse, “What do you think it is?” He asks.

 

Harry scrutinizes him for a long while and Niall swears his heart will burst in his chest if Harry doesn't say anything soon. His hands clench into fists as he prepares for whatever is to come.

 

Harry looks at him evenly and scratches his neck absentmindly.

 

“You are gay, aren't you?” Harry asks him cooly.

 

Niall doesn't say anything. Instead, he buries his head back in Harry's chest and cries harder. For his part, Harry draws patterns on his back distractedly at the same time he whispers calming words into his ear.

 

Telling Harry the truth is the most liberating thing Niall's ever done in his life.

 

To know that Harry is willing to be his friend now that he knows the whole true, it makes Niall happier than he's been in years. He doesn't want, (doesn't dare,) to think what would have happened if Harry did hate him for it, because the idea of Harry not being in his life sounds ridiculous.

 

And Harry is so fantastic about it that all Niall wants to do is to reach for him and hug him so tight he might crush his bones.

 

Harry is there when, months later, Niall tells ( stutters) the whole truth to Louis and Liam and the curly haired smiles at Niall proudly and gives him a thumbs up as Liam and Louis hug him and assure him that it's absolutely fine.

 

And for the first time in his life Niall feels confident about who he is and on weekends, when Harry drags him to some random party, he actually shows interest when his best friend tries to set him up with some cute boy.

 

It is when Niall finally tells Maura and Bobby that the blond finally feels at ease with himself. And his heart might just burst with feelings because he couldn't honestly be more grateful for the parents and the friends he has.

 

At sixteen, Niall meets Zayn.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you for the comments, I felt so flattered and glad that I just had to write more.

Niall meets Zayn at school and it is quite safe to say that Zayn is the most attractive person he's ever seen in his life.

Niall and Liam are a sitting in their classroom for their first lesson in the morning when this beautiful creature walks into the room holding his backpack lazily on one hand, making it brush lightly against the floor as he advances.

Niall stops paying attention to Liam and gaps at the newcomer, taking in his exotic features and dark eyes, _he must be new on the school, of that Niall sure, because he doesn’t remember seeing him before and he wouldn't have forgotten a face like that.

Niall's blue eyes are glued to him as the new boy takes a look around scrutinizing the room. That is until Liam nudges him.

“Mate, don't be so fucking obvious” Niall turns his head in a slow motion to look at his friend, distractedly mumbles, “uh?”

 Liam shakes his head (smirks) and takes him phone out of the pocket of his faded jeans.

Then he explains,“His name's Zayn, he is in my PE class.”

Niall actually forces himself to keep his eyes on Liam this time and listen to him as the older boys talks; his dark eyes still focused on his phone.

“Is he nice?” Niall asks.

Liam steals a contemplative glance at Zayn, who is chewing profusely on his gum while he gets a book out of his battered and slightly dusty backpack “He is quiet.” He finally decides.

Niall leans his back against his seat, stretching his arms over his head. Then, he says, “With a face like that, he doesn’t need to talk.”

Liam clicks his tongue at the blonde’s choice of words and Niall allows his eyes to resume their task of observing Zayn, who is now sorting his stuff across his tiny desk to make it all fit as best as he can.

As he watches, Niall decides that the boys is graceful, and his face is some sort of joke, and he needs to find an excuse to talk him. However, soon the teacher barges into the room apologizing for being late and Niall forgets about Zayn. If just for a little while.

 

Niall and Liam meet Harry and Louis outside the classroom to walk together to their next lesson and Harry immediately falls into step with Niall; their shoulders bumping into each other's from time to time as they listen to Louis ranting about his new History teacher.

“There are rumors that he sleeps with his students, that's why he got kicked off his last job.” 

He looks at his friends hoping for a reaction but when he realises that he's being ignored, he adds “That would be disgusting, he's like 100 years old or something” this time he looks around and huffs indignately, “What's up your arses?”

Niall turns his head in Harry's direction, and he is about to tell him about Zayn when someone taps his left shoulder.

He stands there, too astounded to talk or try to look cool or breath properly.

“Erhmm sorry guys, I noticed you are in my same year, do you know where our economics class is?”

Niall is pretty sure he looks like a goldfish, his mouth opening and closing as he looks at Zayn. He racks his brain for words, but he is sure those dark orbs have put him under some sort of mute spell.

Liam comes to his rescue, says “ We are walking there as well, you can just walk with us.”

Zayn smiles at this. For some reason, he tries to walk next to Niall, but the corridor is not that wide and Harry doesn't give in an inch, so he walks awkwardly picks up his pace to walk next to Louis instead who unsurprisingly starts to shoot questions at him.

Hey mate," they hear him say, "I didn't catch your name." 

"Zayn. Name's Zayn."

“OKay. " He says, "So, um, Zayn. What brings you to Doncaster?”

Everybody looks at Zayn and he looks slightly uncomfortable, “My father just got promoted. We had to move here. You didn't say what was your...”

Louis squints his eyes, inquisitively, and cuts him mid-sentence “I hear Manchester?” he asks.

Zayn scratches the back of his neck, and looks almost impressed,  “Um, Bradford, actually.”

“I'm Louis.” He extends his hand for Zayn to shake “Liam, Harry and blondie over there is Niall.”

Zayn nods and Niall can almost see his brain trying to process all this new information, so he says, “We can wear tags in our tops to make it easier.”

Zayn turns his neck to look at who's talked and he smiles kindly when he realises it's been Niall, and if the blond can feel Harry tugging at his sleeve, he chooses to ignore him in favour of smiling back at Zayn .

When they get into the classroom Niall almost resents Harry for plopping himself down next to him so thoughtlessly because usually Harry is very perceptive when it comes to these things, but Niall decides it is still way too early to be perceptive and falls into easy conversation with him. Zayn sits alone.

At luch period, though, Zayn makes sure he gets to sit next to Niall as the blond waits for his friends to come to the table. 

Niall is sitting right at the corner of the table, by the wall when Zayn comes, sits down next to him and takes an inspective look at Niall's tray, “Are you going to eat all that?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders non-comittaly, pops open his Pepsi and replies, “I'm growing up.”

 Zayn beams at him and Niall is slightly dazzled at the way his eyes glow when he does.

Soon, they hear Harry's voice approaching. He is on the phone with someone and when he spots Niall he automatically walks towards him. However, when he sees who is next to Niall, he looks slightly taken aback; he sends Niall a little funny glance and places his tray on the table, contenting himself with the seat in front of the blond instead.

Zayn doesn’t look as carefree now that Harry has joined them, even if the curly haired boy is barely registering them, busy as he is talking to whoever is at the other end of the phone. In fact, the younger boy seems worked up over something; his green eyes twinkle in frustration and he talks slightly faster than usual. 

Niall worries his lips as he observes his friend running hand through his curls and then snaps, “yeah, right, whatever dad.” before he puts down the phone.

Niall studies him in silence for a couple of seconds before he asks tentatively, “Is everything ok?”

Harry takes a sip from Niall's Pepsi and puffs, one of his curl floating comically over his face.

“My father wants me to visit him this weekend.” He says evenly, “I told him I couldn't be arsed.”

Niall observes his best friend knowing that his nonchalant attitude is just a pose, but with Zayn here there’s nothing he can do.

Harry rolls up his sleeves; his tattoos full on display and Zayn imitates him and leans forward to bring his forearm close to Harry's over the table.

“We've got matching tattoos.” Zayn points out.

Niall snorts, amazed by the contrast between Zayn's and Harry's skin, noticing the X inked on both of their skins and Harry raises an eyebrow but then cracks a smile and says, “Great minds think alike.”

Zayn smiles as well and sits back on his seat, visibly more relaxed now. Liam and Louis join them soon after that.

Harry acts weird for the rest of the day. His shoulders are slouched down and he is unusually quiet and even though Niall resorts to his best jokes, Harry always catches them too late and his laugh sounds strained.

The blonds figure right away that the phone call with his father has had more impact on Harry than his younger friend would ever admit. However, he can't do anything about it right now, not until they get back home and Niall gets some time alone with him so he can get Harry to open up to him. For now, though,  he tries to push his worried thoughts to the back of his mind.

When last period is over, they all gather at the school grounds in a small circle saying their goodbyes.

 Zayn’s dark eyes fall on Niall and somewhat nervous, he asks “Do you need a ride?”

The rest of the boys chuckle at that and Niall glares at them. Harry and Niall have been walking home on their own as long as they can remember. They spend every single afternoon together. Always. So it doesn't make sense that Niall gets a ride on his own when he and Harry are heading to the same place. Niall bites the inside of his cheek, _wishes he had an excuse to drive with Zayn.

“Actually, you go with him," He hears Harry say, "I was about to tell you that I'm going to take a nap at home today.”

Niall looks at his best friend abruptly. They've been taking naps together for as long as he remembers, but Zayn doesn't know that. Harry has finally caught up with him and is offering him the excuse he was wishing for.

Niall worries his lip and shifts his weight slightly, his hands tucked deep in his pockets. His brain reminding him that Harry is upset and that he needs to talk to him.

He shakes his head, then but Harry is ready to refute.

“It's fine, Niall, seriously, I'll call you later”. He says.

And he is looking at Niall so intently that the blond can tell right away that his friend wants him to go with Zayn.

Niall moves closer to Harry, and tiptoeing on his feet he drapes his arms around Harry's neck in a loose hug.

“Aww” the blond coos, “but what I am going to do all these hours without you?”

Harry nudges Niall's neck with his nose, breathing him in. Then he messes with his blonde hair and smirks, “You'll manage, leprechaun.”

Niall lets it sink that he is going to spend some time alone with Zayn and his stomach churns with anticipation and nerves.

Zayn's car is old but well-kept and, when Niall sits shyly on the passenger's seat and smells the air freshener he decides he wouldn't mind to claim that pseat as officially his.

The thought scares and amazes him at the same time because he's never had a crush before. Sure, he's been attracted to people. But he never had something tangible and concrete to seize, but this time Zayn is there; driving right beside him. It feels completely real and Niall can't take his eyes off him. The other boy doesn't seem to mind either, if anything he looks happy.

“So, for a first day it wasn't all that bad, right?" Asks Niall.

 Zayn turns to look at him for a short second and the corner of his mouth twitches.

“Nope, not that bad,” then after a couple of seconds he adds “I'd go as far as to say it's been a pretty fucking amazing first day.”

Niall smiles, and something inside him swells. “I hope we had something to do with that.”

  Another smile creeps on Zayn's face, and wow, how Niall wishes he could have the chance to put a million _no wait, a zillion of smiles there, every single day.

“Maybe.” Zayn clicks his tongue. Then, his lips go thin and his eyes look upwards in a thoughtful demeanor. “Quite possibly, in fact.”

At this, he sends Niall an amused look.  The blond retorts “ The odds are quite good then”.

They fall into silence, and Niall is not quite sure if it is a comfortable silence or if he should say something. However, Zayn beats him to it.

“Hey, so Harry and you..?” Zayn lets the question hang in the air, and Niall doesn't take too long to figure out what he means.

 It's not the first time he's been asked about it and he has learned to answer it with naturalness. This time, though, he decides to play it dumb and forces Zayn to finish the question. “Are you together or something?”

Niall wants to see Zayn's face right now but the older boy is conscientiously looking straight ahead and his voice doesn’t give anything away.

“No, no.” Niall says, “ Harry is straighter than mmm Chuck Norris or something” the blonde laughs half heartily at the mere thought of Harry being considered anything other than straighter than a ruler.

“So, are you sure you don't fancy each other?” Zayn insists coolly.

Niall wishes they could be having this conversation somewhere else;  somewhere he could study Zayn's reactions and expressions but he has to content himself with what he can muster from Zayn's profile.

“Yeah, I am quite sure.” Niall confirms, “ Harry is like... a brother, you know? Our mothers met each other when they were pregnant so I sort of knew him before I was born” Niall smiles at the thought, his heart swelling with fondness before he pulls a face,  “It would be like incest or something.”

 Niall sees the way Zayn's lips curling upwards in a smile.

“So like a brother ehrm?” Asks Zayn teasingly.

Niall blushes when Zayn's right hand leaves the wheel and lands heavily on this thigh; his heart fluttering pleasantly inside against his ribcage.

 He collects himself soon after that and smirks, “Nothing less, nothing more.”

Zayn smirks right back and as an afterthought says “I am not your brother though.”

 His fingers drum on Niall’s thigh and the blond looks down at them then back at Zayn who is looking back at him intently for the shortest moment.

A cheeky smile tugs slowly at the blonde's lips. He leans back further against his seat and smiles, “Nope. Most definitely not.”

 

Zayn gets out of the car and walks Niall to his front door; he seems nervous again.

They stop in front of Niall’s house and Niall thinks this looks like one of those moments in those romantic films.

They stand there awkwardly just looking at each other, (the tinkling of Niall's keys being the only noise around them), until Zayn leans closer and pecks Niall right on the very corner of his mouth, his lips lingering.

After a short moment he pulls back and smiles sweetly at Niall, “I'll see you tomorrow?” he asks quietly.

Niall nods his head vehemently, not wanting to disturb the peace of the scene. He gets inside, and greets Maura.

“Hey, love! Is Harry sick?” she asks right away.

Niall explains her that Harry had something to do and runs upstairs.

When he gets into his room and starts doing his homework he feels terribly alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me know what do you think? are you team ziall or team narry? why?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the comments, you guys motivate me so much, hope you like this one!

Niall wakes up the next day with a new friend request on Facebook and he smiles when he sees the picture of a shirtless Zayn looking rather pensive . Maybe in other person it would have looked tacky, but somehow Zayn manages to pull it off.

Niall sees a window pop up indicating that Louis is talking to him, and he doesn't feel proud when he chooses to ignore him and engages himself in some proper stalking instead.

He doesn't have that much time before Harry comes pick him up for school. He just need to know the basics, (sexual orientation, relationship status...) But nothing he reads helps, because his sexual orientation isn't showing and his relationship status says widower.

His phone beeps, he lazily opens his What's app application and reads “I know you are on Facebook, fucker.”

He sighs and rushes to answer Louis.

When he runs down the stairs ten minutes later, Harry is already on the kitchen drinking a glass of juice; his eyes tired and slightly bored as he listens to Maura rant about something.

He is wearing a beanie and a big cardigan, and he manages to make his beggar like outfit look fashionable on him.

He nods his head when he spots the blond; the couple of curls escaping the beanie bouncing cutely on his forehead. When Niall joins him on the table, Harry pushes the bag of croissants in his direction. His voice is still rough from sleep when he says, “Don't take too long, we are late.” 

The blond struggles to undo the knot of the plastic bag and after a short while, he stops the subtleties and breaks the plastic bag with his bare teeth. He shoves one croissant into his mouth then looks at Harry, who asks “How was yesterday?”

Niall raises a hand indicating Harry to stop talking, then he gestures his head towards Maura and Harry rolls his eyes, gets up, and looks at his watch. “Ey, we gotta rus!.” He takes the bag of croissants , walks to Maura and gives her a rushed hug from behind, “See you later, we'll eat these on our way.”

“Let it be real, don't think you mother doesn't tell me about that stupid diet of yours.” Maura replies, patting Harry's lower back.

The moment they are out of the house Niall shakes Harry's shoulders and excitedly announces “I love you! I love you this much!” 

He stretches his arms to the maximum and Harry smiles but tugs at the blond's t-shirt to get him to start walking, asks, “Was it that good? Did he blow you in the car or something?”

At this Niall blushes and shoves him, “No, I am not a manwhore like you” Harry's eyes go wide, his mouth opening agape as he pretends to be scandalized. “but we talked, and he walked me to the door, and kissed me here.”

Harry's emerald eyes follow Niall's index to the corner of his mouth, smirks and when he speaks he sounds amused “How impudent, I'll have to put him in his place!” his eyes sweep over the blond annoyed expression, his hands scooping upwards defensively. “I'm just joking, I'm glad it was good.” 

He drapes his left arm over Niall's shoulders, leaning slightly into him as the blond munches on his croissant “At least you had fun, I was like...bored.”

Niall turns his head to see his friend's face, Harry does the same, their gills showing with the awkward angle. Harry pouts exaggeratedly to prove his point “Awww, did you miss me, big boy?” 

At this, Harry disentangles his body away from Niall's, straightens up with his chin pointing upwards and puffs. “Of course not, my life doesn't revolve around you, you know?.

When they get to school, they part ways. Niall has Maths again with Liam and Zayn whereas Louis and Harry have English.

Niall notices that Liam is not sitting in their usual spot, Zayn is. Liam on the hand is sitting with a girl a couple of rows away from them. When he sees Niall he winks at him, gives him a thumbs up, and Niall gives him a tiny smile and sits down next to Zayn.

Zayn smiles at him and Niall looks at him, dramatically says “So you are one of them, aren't you?” and he tries to keep his expression blank as he sees Zayn nose scrunch up in confusion, asks “One of them what?”

“One of them posers.” Niall can't take it any longer and he bursts into laughter, impersonating Zayn's Facebook profile picture. Zayn blushes and crosses his arms over his chest, face stoic as he pointedly retorts . “Oi, have you seen how many likes that photo has? There are like 30 or something.” Niall pokes at his side and Zayn jumps from his seat, his hands taking Niall's smaller ones to stop him as they laugh, but the door closes and they straighten themselves on their seats as the teacher enters the room.

At lunch, Niall makes sure to have two vacant places next to him leaving Louis and Liam to sit in front of them.

They all sit around the table, Liam and Harry resume their “Angry words” game (they always play this game when they have English), with Louis leaning from time to time over Liam's shoulder to help him.

“12 points, I dare you to improve that!” Louis and Liam high five loudly and Harry glares at them, points at Louis accusingly, “That's not fair, you are not supposed to help him.”

At this, Liam shoves Louis away from him, earning a glare from the older boy, solemnly states, “I don't need help, I'll win you anyway.”

Niall, who is too preoccupied eating to participate in the banter, startles when he feels Zayn's hand land on his thigh again, rubbing up and down. He looks up at him surprised, his face faintly rosy. Zayn leans towards his ear, his quiff tickling Niall's sensitive skin, whispers “Can we hang out today after school?”

Niall gulps the remains of food, now totally flushed. He nods his head and feels relieved that his three friends are too focused on his phones to notice the exchange.

He doesn't want to admit it, but he feels slightly edgy when he remembers that he is going to abandon Harry yet another afternoon. Is not a big deal, he tells himself. They always hang out together because there's is nothing better to do. But now he's got a sort of date with the boy he likes. It's just natural that they eventually start to spend time with other people as well, they are not co-dependent or anything.

But he can't find the nerve to tell Harry and he is mostly sure that it is guilt what pools at his stomach.

When the last period is over, Niall walks quickly towards Harry's seat next to Liam, (he had to cede his seat to Zayn). He towers over him and waits for Harry to finish collecting his stuff.

When Harry finally looks up at him, Niall announces, “Zayn wants to hang out today.” At first Harry's eyes twinkle with surprise and mutters “oh” then he just stares up at him with a blank face until Niall runs his thumb over his chin. “Ok”.

“We can hang out later, stay over?” The blond offers hopefully.

Harry's face falls a little and he sound a bit sttifen when he answers, “Uhmmm, yeah, sure, just call me when you finish with Zayn or something.” 

Niall lets out a puff of breath when he sees Harry's tense shoulders relax again and, as soon as his friend stands up, he puts his hand flat against Harry's lower back, guiding him out of the classroom where the rest are already waiting.

Ten minutes later Niall is going through Zayn's radio station trying to find a song he likes. After having passed the same street for the third time, he asks.  
“So where are you taking me?

Zayn opens the glove compartment and takes a case from it, all of this without taking his eyes off the road. He puts the case on Niall's lap, and his hand goes back to the wheel. Niall unzips the case and goes through Zayn CDs, curiously.

“Do you want the truth or a lie?” Asks Zayn.

Niall inserts a Bon Jovi cd and turns his face to Zayn.

“The truth, always.”

Zayn nods at this and scratches his scalp distractedly; his face scrunching cutely, “ We've been sort of driving aimlessly for the past 15 minutes? I'm not too familiar with Doncaster yet.” 

Niall beams, suddenly the need to kiss him so strong he has to clench his fists over his lap.

“You are lucky you happen to be with me” Niall leans against the window and makes a circular motion with his index finger, says “I run this place.” 

Zayn lets out a happy laugh, and Niall adds “Just park wherever, we'll walk”.

Zayn readjusts his leather jacket and waits for Niall to get off the car. With Zayn's hand firmly draped over his back, Niall guides them towards a green area.  


“We come here to play footy once in a while” the blond explains. “There is a pond over there, lets go!”

This time Niall takes a hold of Zayn's sleeve and tugs excitedly. To be fair the pond is kind of stinky (it's full of ducks) but as they sit on a bench they don't seem to mind.

“Louis got bitten by one of them once,” Niall barks a laugh at the memory, “He was running after them, and then one duck stood up on him and bit his ankle.”

Zayn looks at him. He's got a tiny smile on his face, but his body, his expression, his whole aura, is completely relaxed and laid back. He fumbles around the pocket of his jacket, takes out a cigarette. Niall scowls, instinctively, but his face softens when Zayn thumb sweeps over the bridge of his nose, flattening his frown tenderly, and puts the pack of cigarettes back in his pocket. Niall hand's covers Zayn's over the older boy's lap, clarifies “Oh no, smoke if you want, I mean, I'm not fond of smoking but I'm not anyone to...” 

But suddenly he is cut short by Zayn lips, the older boy's hand holding his head in place, his other hand flush against his side. Their lips move together for a short while, then Zayn puts a couple of centimeters between their mouths, they foreheads touching, eyes closed and sharing oxygen. They are so close, that Zayn barely has to whisper when he says, “Why smoke when I can put my mouth to better use?” Niall can't help himself when he closes the distance again, massaging his lips over Zayn's, nibbling at his plump bottom lip, his tongue intrusive on Zayn's mouth, and he thinks he can't never get enough of this, enough of him.

He calls Harry the very moment he steps out of Zayn's car. It rings four times and goes to voice mail. Niall sighs and types his house's number instead, this time Harry picks up at the first ring.

“Why on earth do you have a mobile phone when you never pick it up, Styles?” He can hear Harry clicking his tongue over the phone, can almost see him rolling his eyes as well. “I forgot to change the mute mode when I got out of school, mum” 

Niall fishes for his keys in his pockets, brings the phone closer to his ear and asks, “Come over?” 

“Now? It's like...late.”

Niall can picture Harry laying lazily on the couch, his long legs dangling on the very end of the sofa as he munching on some grapes.  


“Please? I want to tell you stuff”

Harry sighs, and yawns exaggeratedly. Niall frowns, but then he hears him scrambling around, and figures Harry is getting up and stretching “Yeah, whatever, bratty child, I'll be there in five.”

Niall chest swells with gratitude as he opens the door. He nods at Bobby who is watching the news on the couch. His father looks at him, one eyebrow slightly raised as he asks “Why the silly smile?” Niall shrugs him off, running up the stairs two steps at a time.

Half an hour later, Harry and Niall lay on Niall's bed, the blond with his computer placed on his stomach reading his twitter notifications and Harry with his phone, engaged in a game of “Draw something” with Liam, his eyebrows knottied in concentration. 

Harry is been at his house for twenty minutes now, but as soon as he stepped into Niall's room he's been playing with his phone, not acknowledging Niall's presence, and the blond wonders if it is a good moment to bring Zayn up. But as weird as Harry is behaving, he is his best friend and Niall is dying to tell him the news. So he closes his laptop, places it on his desk then collapses back on the bed heavily.

“I took him to the park” Niall says tentatively. It doesn't help to his nerves that Harry doesn't even look up from his phone, but he forces himself to continue. “We sat by the pond and we kissed.”He says playing with his hands.

His eyes sweep over Harry's face, waiting for something, anything. Harry looks at him for the briefest of the moments, then he looks down again and unenthusiastically mutters “Tha's great, Niall”.

Niall watches him dumbfounded, resisting the urge to take the damn phone and throw it into the wall.

“Great? Just great? Zayn kissed me, that deserves a “fucking awesome”, at least.” Niall urges.

Harry looks up at him and at last he puts his phone aside and nods his head.

“Whatever mate, I'm glad.” 

Niall frowns when he clearly hears the flat tone on his friend's voice. He crosses his arms over his chest and glares accusingly at him. ”What's up you arse, Styles?”

Harry huffs annoyed, frowns “It's nothing Niall, will you let it go? It's awesome really, congratulations! Wohoo! You've made my day, seriously.” His face contorts in a forced smile that looks like a grimace, “Are you happy now?” And he sounds so rude and sarcastic that Niall wants to slap him.  


Why are you being a dick, then?” Niall doesn't want to sound so hurt, doesn't want to let Harry know that he's got this much power over him, but he is just so confused.

“Do you really need to ask, Niall? You've been walking out on me for two days straight, and now you sit with Zayn in class? I'm more than fine, I'm peachy.!” Harry grunts resentfully. Then he scrambles out of the bed, and gets on his feet.

Niall jumps to his feet and follows him, shouting.

“Seriously Harry? Ok, we didn't spend the afternoon together, big fucking deal!” he spits out, punctuating each word “But we are together now, it's not like I have abandoned you or anything, plus, you were sitting with Liam, we don't have to be attached at the hip every fucking single second!”

Niall gasp, surprised at his own outburst.Harry turns around to face him and he looks so shocked that Niall feels like he has just punched him on the face.

When the blond moves, he does it very carefully, almost afraid he might disturb the younger one. He tentatively wraps his arms around Harry's back, over the other boys' arms, immobilizing the taller guy. He buries his face on Harry's neck, planting a quick peck there, and he draws random patterns on Harry's back until he feels him relax in his grip. Then he grabs Harry's hand and walks them again towards the bed and he doesn't let go until they are sitting facing each other.

Harry plays with a loose thread on his t-shirt, refusing to look at Niall.

“I am not replacing you Harry," Niall says, " don't even dare to think that.” Harry though, doesn't say anything. He just sits there looking at his lap, so Niall cups his chin with one of his hand and whispers, “Ok?” 

They look at each other for a short while. 

As much as Niall loves Harry that doesn’t change the fact that he is a selfish jealous bastard, always has been with everybody. His own mother, his father, his friends, his crushes. Nobody escapes Harry's constant need for attention. And he is so easily hurt that it frustrates Niall sometimes. He watches as Harry nods quietly, then squeezes his friend's hand reasuringly.

They carry on as if nothing had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let me know what you think! according to your comments there is a tie, ziall 3 narry 3, is anybody changing sides after this chapter? which ship is developing better in your opinion? Do you think Harry is jealous becuase he loves Niall o just because he misses his best friend? Why is Niall nervous and guilty about bringing Zayn up? xxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) Here is my new update, the next part is already written aswell so more coming up very soon. Nothing much happens in this chapter, but this story is slow-built so please have patience. :) Please comment and let me know what you think or just say hi or whatever :)

Niall and Harry are on his way to school when the blond notices the flickering red light on his phone. He opens his What's app application, and Zayn's name flashes in front of him. He opens the conversation, accepts the picture Zayn's just sent him, reads: “I'm sure you'll like this one, I'll let you use it as a screen-saver ;) xxx”

Niall clicks on the photo and Zayn's face and naked torso pop up on the screen. It's one of those “In front of the bathroom mirror” pics; abs showing off and his eyes and lips on a smolder.

Niall chuckles, making sure to save it as a screen-saver as he types quickly, “Lol, you've just made my day ;) x” 

He waits impatiently for a minute or so and then reads,

“I'll even let you wank to it.” 

Niall blushes. He raises his elbow a little to make sure Harry can't read, and types “Cheeky bastard”.

“Ey mate, isn't this sick?” Harry leans over him and Niall closes the convo in a matter of milliseconds. He takes a glance at Harry's mobile where there is a picture of an ethnic tattoo. He nods his head absentmindedly even though he is not that much into tattoos.

“Mm yeah, it's cool” he hums and hears Harry say, “I can't wait to get another one.” 

The blond looks at his taller friend, who raises his phone in front of his face, studying the tattoo closer with his eyes slightly squinted because of the bright sunshine. 

“You got the last one like... two weeks ago, you big punk.” But Harry rolls his eyes and chooses to ignore him.

“We should totally be getting a matching friendship tattoo.”

Niall looks at him with a blank expression, because Harry knows he is not going to get a tattoo anytime soon.

“I'm glad you are telling me this, I was getting jealous of yours and Zayn's matching one.”

Harry frowns but again, ignores Niall.

Hours later, when they are in their last period, Niall gets out his mobile phone, writes to Harry “Hey mate, Zayn is coming over later with us to play some FIFA, but don't worry, I already told him that you always choose Man U so he'll have to content himself with Arsenal.”

He glances over his shoulder, where Harry is sitting with Liam and leaning towards his right to talk to Louis as the teachers shoots daggers at them. 

Niall spends half of the lesson distractedly looking back and forth in the hope to catch Harry's eyes to indicate him to check his phone. 

At last he gets Louis' attention, and the blond frantically points towards Harry. Louis nods, (gives him a thumbs up,) leans over and nudges Harry forcefully on his side.

Harry looks at him and when he gets the hint takes his phone. Niall studies him as he reads the text, trying to gauge a reaction, but Zayn nudges him on the ribs.  
“Oi Horan!, distracting the class like this...”

Niall smiles, leaning further into him “Can't concentrate, swot?” He mutters under his breath.

He can tell that Zayn is looking at him and after a short while he squirms uncomfortable, “And stop the staring, it's creepy” to which Zayn immediately retorts “But it is such a beautiful sight”.

Niall beams and remembers Harry and the phone, so he grabs his blackberry and reads “Sorry mate, can't.” 

Niall re-reads it, slightly confused. He turns his neck for the thousandth time and this time catches Harry's eyes.

“Why?” He mouths.

Harry rolls his index finger indicating a “later”.

Niall worries his lips and tries to decide if Harry looks mad or not. It's been a week since he met Zayn and he know he's been seeing Harry less that he would like too. It's not entirely his fault; it's just things keep coming up and he couldn't make time to see his best friend. He just hopes that Harry understands.

When the teacher announces that they can go home, Niall intercepts Harry as he passes by his desk in a rush. The blond gets up and faces him, swaying slightly as the people knock on his shoulder in their rush to get out of the classroom.

“So are you busy?”

Niall really shouldn't be so surprised that Harry's got other plans besides hanging out with him and Zayn, but he is. They always save the afternoons to spend time with each other. In fact, Niall has been the one refusing Zayn's offer for a date so that he doesn't have to neglect Harry again. 

Harry shrugs off non-comitally, “The guys from the band texted me earlier to hang out and catch up.” 

Niall lets the information sink. Harry used to be in a garage band a couple of years ago. They broke the band but remained friends and still hang out from time to time. He nods, feeling a mixture of worry and excitement at the same time.

Worry because he's got this nagging feeling that something is definitely off with Harry, and excitement because he can have some alone time with Zayn.

He looks at his feet for a second, then up at Harry again. “At least you'll come later, right?”

Harry diverts his eyes, fidgets. “Actually, my mum wants me to be home, she was complaining this morning about how she never sees me anymore.” he rants off. Niall eyes turn hard on Harry as he retorts “Tell her she is not the only one.”

Harry glares, he fucking glares and his voice comes weirdly calm and restrained when he says. “Yeah, because that is my fault, right?” 

They glare accusingly at each other, shoulders tense and gritted teeth , until Liam taps on Niall's shoulder and the moment is gone. “Are you coming?”

Niall looks at Harry one last time, bumps his shoulders against him as he rushes out of the room, clenching his jaw.

Zayn is waiting for him at the parking lot, leaning on his car and smoking a cigarette. Niall gets in the car as soon as he gets there and crosses his arms over his chest, Zayn throws his unfinished cigarette, asks “Isn't Harry coming?”

Niall frowns and shakes his head. Zayn gets in the car next to him, and looks at the blond “Is everything ok?” Zayn looks at the blond's tense shoulders, puts a hand there, squeezes and pecks Niall's cheek, feeling the skin under his lips spreading on a small smile. Niall turns his head, kisses him chastely on the lips and finally nods. “Yeah, let's go”.

When they get home, Maura greets them with a smile. If she is taken aback by the fact that Zayn is there, and not Harry, she doesn't let it show. Niall stands there awkwardly, as the three of them exchange looks. Finally, he clears his throat and says.

“Ehrmm Mum, this is Zayn, he is new at school.” 

Maura smiles warmly, and pats Zayn's shoulder.

“Oh, hello sweetie, has anyone ever told you that you look like a model?” Niall eyes go wide in embarrassment as Zayn cracks a laugh.

“Mum!” 

“Ok, ok,” She looks at Zayn and rolls his eyes “This kid gets embarrassed with everything I do and say.” She explains, and Zayn smiles at her and looks fondly at Niall who tugs at his t-shirt, urging him to move towards the stair.

“We'll be upstairs, mum.” He shouts over his shoulder.

 

Once in Niall's room, the blond lets go of Zayn, and groans “Sorry about that, she is so annoying.”

Zayn smiles as he takes out his leather jacket and plops down on the bed.

“I think she is nice”

Niall shrugs and takes out his coat. He discards it on the chair carelessly and sits besides Zayn on the bed, who automatically sneaks his arms around his narrow waist and grips at his side. Niall rests his cheek on his shoulder, and Zayn takes a look around.

He raises a dark eyebrow and his nose scrunches up in distaste, “Michael Bubble, really?” 

Niall straightens his body and looks at him, his mouth agape with fake offense “Oi, if you wanna be my friend, deal with it!” 

“What if I wanna be more than you friend?”Zayn shots back right away.

Niall looks at him surprised and Zayn fidgets with his hands.

“ You only know me like... for a week” Niall says with a small voice, his own hands fiddling with the duvets of the bed nervously. After a short while of heavy silence, Zayn takes them in his own and places them on his lap and looking at Niall's blue eyes intently, he says “I would have asked you the first time I saw you, but thought it might be a little too reckless” 

He breaths out,

“We don't have to rush it, or put labels or anything, I just...want to be with you, if that's alright?” 

Niall can actually feel fucking butterflies on his stomach. He nods his head and he looks at the ceiling, his index finger on his chin, looking deep in thought “We can take a selfie with matching smolders for your Facebook profile pic and change our status to engaged, or something equally tacky”. 

Zayn smiles and pecks his lips in a swift movement. He stays there, his lips millimeters away from Niall's hovering over him as they stare into each other.

Niall brushes his lips against Zayn plump lips once again, leaves them lingering there, until Zayn lets go of his hands to sneak them around Niall's neck, _ the other behind his head to bring their mouths together, this time letting his tongue brush against Niall's tentatively.

They fall backswards on the bed and Zayn situates himself on top of the blond fitting perfectly in the space between his legs. This is something that is totally new for Niall and he tries to figure out if he is ok with it _if he is ready for this, but... but then Zayn finds a very sensitive spot on his neck and Niall let's go of these thoughts, too eager to think further. Instead, he tries to remember if he's locked the room, but there is no way he is going to get up and check now, so he'll have to trust his luck.

An hour later they are sitting on the floor playing some FIFA. Their lips swollen an their clothes slightly disheveled after some mind blowing make out session. Niall's playing City and Zayn has chosen Arsenal (Niall wouldn't let him choose United.)

Niall is winning and feeling very smug about it, when Zayn decides to ruin his good humor.

“So, did Harry not come because he knew I was going to come as well?” The older boy asks.

Niall steals a quick glance, refusing to loose his attention on the game. However, Zayn is looking straight at the Television screen, his expression not giving anything away.  


“Don't be silly," Niall mutters, "he just had other plans” 

“But I can tell something is off between the two of you and I don't think he's a big fan of mine either.”

Niall stops the game, leaves the command on the floor and looks at Zayn who is looking back at him, looking rather serious.

“He's just jealous, he'll get used to you, I swear," and he sees Zayn confused expression he elucidates, “He's a little bit ehrmmm needy with the people he loves, that's all.”

“I don't want to get between you two, you can tell him that.” Zayn states, and Niall rushes to reassure him:

“I know, Zayn and Harry knows it too. This is not your fault at all.”

Zayn leans his weight on his hands, leaning backwards, nods and mutters “Fine”.

Later that day, when Zayn announces he is leaving, Niall asks him to drive him to Harry's.

“I want to talk to him, don't want to leave things like this between us” He explains “I'll apologize to him if I made him feel left out.”

Zayn looks at him for a long time, his expression blank, and Niall can't help to ask him what's on his mind.

“You know what? I think it is not your place to apologize, you've done nothing wrong. If you run after him every time he decides to throw a tantrum you are not helping him at all.” 

Niall looks at him taken aback and opens his mouth to say something. He closes it two seconds later. Zayn speaks again.

“I mean, I 'll drive you if that's what you want, but I think it is best to leave it alone for this time. I like Harry, but he needs to grow up. Having you constantly wrapped around his little finger will only make things worse.”

Niall worries his lips, allows himself to think about it and sighs.

“Yeah, maybe you are right.” He finally decides.

Zayn smiles at him, and brings a hand to his cheek. 

“I know that you worry about him, but I think this is for the best.”

Niall nods, relishing in the warmth on his cheek. “ Yeah, I know.” 

 

He walks Zayn to his car, pecks him quickly and waves as he watches him drive away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, where are all the ziall shippers gone?  
> what do you think?  
> Do you agree with Zayn that it is better for Niall not to go to Harry's?  
> Who do you like better Harry or Zayn?  
> What would you like to happen next?  
> xxxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone, thank you so much for taking ht etime to read and comment, I love you all. Hope you like the update, hopully I'll update within the next two dates, but I advance you that next chapter is through Louis point of view.
> 
> I wanted to say thanks to my wonderful beta MO who took time to read this and edit the many mistakes :)  
> As always, feedback is always very much appreciated (I lurvve comments) and it helps with motivation a lot xxx

Niall sits in front of his computer that night and looks at Louis' Facebook profile. Niall knows Lou is online and he is tempted to message him about his little argument with Harry. He needs an impartial point of view, someone to tell him that he is not neglecting his friends and who can reassure him that splitting time between Harry and Zayn is only natural. But he doesn't think it's fair to bring Louis in to this and he doesn't want to talk about Harry behind his back . 

He really needs to get this out of his chest, though and secretly, he wishes he would have gone to see Harry despite Zayn's advice. 

If he is honest with himself, he isn't sure if he agreed with Zayn because he actually thinks it is better for Harry to be left alone or if Niall was just trying to please the older boy . 

At the end of the day, Zayn doesn't know how Harry and Niall work. He knows nothing of their dynamic. But Niall is always the one who apologizes to Harry; he's never been stubborn, never been one to think he was ruining his pride by apologizing to someone. And Harry... Harry's been by his side for the past 16 years and he's not just going to push him away because the younger boy can't admit that he isn't right about something.

Harry was the one who sat by him when his dog died, the one who held his hand when he came out to all his peers, the one that knows him better than anyone. So if Niall has to run after him, well, that's the least he can do.

But now it's 1 am, way too late to be thinking about it, when there's nothing he can do to make it all better.

 

 

Next day, Niall is late for school.

Niall's been waiting for Harry to pick him up right until the last second but the other boy didn't show up. He called him about twenty times but it kekpt going straight to voicemail. In the end he had to beg Maura to drive him but he was late anyway, so he has to spend the first period sitting on the floor of the corridor because his teacher won't let him in.

When first period is over and the teacher leaves the classroom and warns him not to be late again, Niall is ready to kill Harry.

He spots the boy sitting with Louis; they are facing each other on their seats, their knees brushing together as they talk quietly and, as soon as Louis notices him, he closes his mouth and sends Harry a look of warning. However, Harry's got his back to Niall and he misses Louis' wide eyes and tense body language, silently urging jim to stop talking.

“At least I hope he doesn't have the nerve to ask me why I didn't walk with him to school today, he can ask Zayn to do it, for all I care.”

Harry spits.

Niall stands behind him, mouth agape. Louis covers his eyes with one hand, sighs, and nods at Niall and at this, Harry turns his head very slowly, almost afraid, and the moment he does, he sees Niall glaring at him, his nostrils flaring and his mouth in a tight line. 

Harry opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Niall points at him accusingly and growls “Fuck you, Harry.” Then, he turns on his heels and sits as far from Harry as he can.

He swallows the lump of bitterness and disappointment that has built up in his throat. his eyes burning holes in the surface of his desk as he hears Harry's words repeating in his mind like a mantra.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, startles, and when he sees Zayn's warm eyes he wants nothing but to bury his face on his neck and hide from the world. The older boy must sense that something is wrong, because his hand finds Niall's cheek immediately, as he worriedly asks “Are you okay?” Niall shakes his head, rests his forehead against his desk, and hides behind his arms. Zayn throws his backpack carelessly on the floor and sits besides the blond, a hand automatically settling on his lower back, his long digits soothing him.

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

Niall needs to get this off his chest but knows he won't be able to do it without shedding a tear or two, so he straightens himself on his chair and asks him “Later?”

Zayn scrutinizes him, hesitant to drop the topic so soon, but he finally nods.

Niall avoids Harry the rest of the morning, but, considering that the younger boy is doing the same, it proves to be an easy predicament.

 

That day Niall and Zayn buy their food in the cafeteria and eat it on the school grounds instead of with the others. It's cold, but Niall grits his teeth, and bears with it. He tells Zayn what happened that morning, feeling vulnerable and sad under Zayn's darkening gaze. Niall feels relieved when Zayn doesn't insult Harry or says anything. He just squeezes his shoulders, shaking him slightly, understanding shining in his eyes. 

 

That afternoon he asks Zayn to drive him home, and turns down his offer to hang out together.

He walks down the street with his fists clenched, and stops in front of Harry's house. He hears steps approaching him from the other side of the door, feelings of irritation and nerves are mingling together in his stomach. But to his surprise is not Harry, nor Anne who open the door, but his own mother.

 

“Mom?” Maura smiles at him, amused and winks at him. From the kitchen, Anne shouts “Is that my son?” To which Maura retorts “No, it's mine.”

Anne pops her head out from the entry way of the kitchen, her smile big and warm “Oh, Niall! come in, we've made cookies!”

Niall squirms, his hands fidgeting nervously, but his mother grabs his t-shirt and tugs him inside “Don't just stand there, it's bloody cold outside!”

He follows his mother to the kitchen, and is engulfed by Anne's welcoming arms. “Hey, hun!” She greets him, laughing against his ear, then she pats his ass playfully. Niall gives her a quick peck on her cheek and lets go, walking towards the freshly baked cookies, taking as many as his hand can grab and announces, “I'll be upstairs!”

Anne turns to him, surprised.

“Oh, Harry's not home. But you can go and wait for him in his room if you want.”

Niall looks at her, taken aback and asks “Where is he?”

“Well, I thought he was with you...” 

Niall shrugs his shoulders, scratches at the back of his neck and lies “Right, I think he told me he was going to go to Liam's after school, I'll go check.” 

Niall walks towards the door but Maura never one to miss a beat, asks:

“Don't you have a test on Monday?”

“Mum, it's only Thursday, let me breath!”

And with that he slams the door and leaves, racking his brain as he wonders where the hell has Harry disappeared to? He retraces his steps in a quick pace, and goes back home only to realize that while he was rushing around he'd forgotten the keys. “Damn...” Bobby wouldn't be there until late, and there was no way he would be going back to Harry's house, so he gets his phone from his pocket and texts Zayn.

"I've locked myself out of my house :s"

He rubs his hands together, his teeth slightly clattering from the cold.

"Unlucky you. I can offer you sanctuary, come over."

Niall beams down the phone, types "Where's your cave?" and it takes a couple of seconds for Zayn to start writing his answer "Not far from you". Then the older boy proceeds to write him his address, and Niall retorts "Not far, my ass, I'm walking there, probably will take me an hour or two :(" but he feels a warmth spreading across his stomach when he reads, "Ok, drama queen, stay on your door, I'll come pick you up in 5".

 

Zayn's house is tidy, aseptic and dark. Mostly, it's quiet.

His mother lays on the sofa, wrapped up in thick blankets, curled up on her side, her eyes barely open. Zayn sits on the very edge of the sofa, takes her hand as if she was the most delicate creature on earth and kisses it.

“Mum, this is Niall, Niall, this is my mum, Tricia.”

Niall smiles shyly and she studies him with a warm, knowing glint in her eyes, but she seems tired. “It's so nice to meet you, Niall, you are welcome to come whenever you want.”

At this Niall's shy grin turns into a full blown beam as he nods and mutters, “Thank you.”

Zayn is watching the exchange, his eyes twinkling. He lets go of his mother's hand and quietly tells her “We'll let you rest okay? Call if you need anything,” and he motions for Niall to follow him upstairs. He notices the way Zayn locks the door, and gulps.

“She's lovely,” Niall says nervously.

“She is...” Zayn's eyes get dark for a second or so and then he adds, “She's been a little bit off-colour lately.”

Niall looks at him, and bites his lip, almost afraid to ask, but he doesn't need to, because Zayn answers his question for him.

"She needs a liver transplant, but she has to wait for a donor.”

Niall nods. Just by the way has Zayn said it, the Irishman can tell how much pain it causes Zayn to have his mother in such weak state. Niall suddenly feels really sad for him, and for Tricia, who seems to be a very lovely person, and who has to endure something like that just because, by misfortune, she's been chosen.

He allows himself to empathize with Zayn for a short moment, imagines how it would be like if the person you love the most; that one person who is meant to hold you together, crumbles slowly in front of you, and there is nothing that you can do, other than wait and kiss their hands. 

Niall is suddenly overcome by an impeding need to hug Zayn, to show him that sometimes good things happen too, and as Niall looks at him, trying to keep the feeling of pity at bay from his intense gaze, he decides that if someone deserves something good to happen to them, that's Zayn.

His train of thought is interrupted when the older boy tugs at Niall's hand, bringing the blond's body closer, their bodies clashing flush against each other. Zayn cheekily asks:

“So, shall we make you forget all about your awful day?” 

Niall puts his arms around Zayn's neck, smiling when he feels the other boy's arms sneaking around his waist.

“It'll be a difficult task,” Niall leans closer, his lips teasing Zayn's and his eyes twinkling with mischief, “But you can try.”

Niall's blue eyes go wide with surprise when Zayn places both of his hands on his bum and picks him up. The blond holds tighter onto Zayn's neck, wraps his skinny legs around the taller boy's hips and leans in for a snog. 

As their hot tongues fight for dominance, Zayn walks them to his bed, and Niall collapses ungracefully on it, opening his legs to make space for Zayn's body. When the older boy leans further into him, in a predator like manner, Niall tenses under him, too aware of where this is going to lead. He puts a hand on Zayn's chest, trying to keep his face at some distance so that he can think clearly.

“Wait, I... I've never done this.” He stutters, feeling utterly embarrassed. 

Zayn smudges Niall's pouty bottom lip with the blond's saliva so that it looks glossy. Then he puts the hand away from his chest, his breath warm against Niall's face and his hands griping at the younger boy's side. 

Zayn's lips are teasingly close, leaving a tingling sensation as they ghostly graze the skin on Niall's cheek until he finds the blond ear. Zayn nibbles at his earlobe, whispers, “Shh, I swear I'll take care of you.”

Niall's calves enclose around Zayn's protuberant hips, rolling his eyes and gripping the fabric at Zayn's lower back when Zayn finds a sweet spot behind his ear. At this, the blond melts into Zayn and let's go.

 

That day, he loses his virginity to Zayn, and later as he lays in his own bed, his hands twitch to grab the phone and call Harry. He is feeling overwhelmed with emotions and his chest might explode if he can't talk to his best friend, even if he is not too sure if he could look at him in the eyes right now. He decides that if only he could feel Harry's hand heavy on his shoulder, or their knees brushing together, that would be enough to make it all better. Just a little reassurance that Harry is still there, and will be; even if he can be a jerk and all the blond wants is to punch his face, even if Niall sometimes messes up too.

Because Niall is still learning how to do this, and he just needs Harry to let go of the ghost of his past. He needs Harry to be patient right now and stick with him.

After all Niall is not planning to do what Des did to him. He is not going to abandon Harry and run away to be happy with somebody else. He couldn't even if he wanted: _ at the end of the day he'll go running back to Harry; not because he wants, he's just tuned that way.

He remembers when they were younger and got mad at each other for one thing or another. No matter what happened or how pissed off they were, if they needed their best friend they would call the whole fight off for a short while, talk about whatever they had to talk, or just cuddle for a while and then they picked up the quarrel later.

He wonders if they could do that now. If Harry would be okay with Niall going over to his house at this late hour, slipping under his covers and asking the younger lad to hold him. Figures he can't.

 

He cries that night, the events of the day finally overcoming him. The feelings of sadness, excitement, anger and confusion too overwhelming to handle on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? did you like/dislike of Harry behaviour? what's your opinion on Zayn? Do you think Niall is neglecting his friend? narry/ziall? I always love to read what you think :) x


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here is chapter 6, I am a little bit nervous about this cos it is a bit different from previous chapters (it is from Lois' point of view, I hope you like it anyway.  
> Thanks for all the lovely comments, I really appreciate that you take the time to comment.  
> Tomorrow I have an exam so considering I won't be able to start writing til late tomorrow and it needs to be betaed, this will take a little bit more than usual (hopefully friday or saturday)  
> I'd like to say thanks to my wonderful beta (shonji.tumblr.com) who read through this and helped a lot to make my writing better.  
> So that's pretty much everything, please let me know what do you think of this new chapter, I love insightful comments or rants, or just any sort of comment :p  
> Also, suggestions and criticism are always welcome.  
> xxx

Louis rubs his hands together, smudging hair gel all over them. He observes his reflection on the mirror and proceeds to style his hair in a quiff, afterwards he scrubs the remains of the gel on his dark jeans.

“You know your mother hates it when you do that.”

Louis' eyes find Liam's reflection on the mirror as he enters the room. Louis turns to look at him, frowning, “Did Daisy just open the door for you?”

Liam looks at him, raising an eyebrow “Yeah, she did, why?”

“Because she is not supposed to open the door for anyone” Louis looks back at the mirror, fixing an ashtray hair. “She knows she has to call me first.”

Liam hums lazily and takes off his coat, hanging it carefully on the doorknob, and then moves to sit on the bed as he observes his friend moving back and forth across his room, trying to clean up after the mess he's just made.

“Your house feels... oddly empty”

Louis nods his head, as he absentmindedly folds one of his t-shirts. He has noticed it too. It's not everyday that he gets the house to himself and honestly he couldn't be more glad. 

He loves his family, but sometimes he needs to get away from the madness and the noise. His life pretty much consists of “Louis, could you drive Lottie to school today?” or “Louis, could you make dinner for the twins?” Sometimes he gets mad at his parents because if they thought that it was fine to have so many children then they should have to deal with it, not Louis. Other times he just feels alone even when the house is crowded with people, because with so many children around in constant need of attention, it's easy to overlook the teenager who locks himself in his room with the speakers blaring to music as he tries to get away from the chaos surrounding him.

“Yeah, at least I can have some peace. The girls are at my cousins' and my mother and Phoebe are running some errands,” he sits in front of his closet, crossed legged, and starts to arrange the clothes he just folded neatly into the different drawers, he adds “Daisy is grounded, though, when she was at the park earlier, she pushed a girl to the ground.”

At this Louis turns his neck to look at the younger boy and catches slow smile creeps on Liam's face, tiny, but fond nonetheless and hears him say:

“That's why she's my favourite, she's so feisty.”

Louis beams and points out, “That means we'll have to baby sit until my mum gets back.”

Liam nods and sits more comfortably on the bed, takes a quick glance at the tiny clock on Louis' night-stand “The party won't start until 11, so we have plenty of time, maybe we can watch a movie with her or something.”

Liam sees a t-shirt flying towards his face and doesn't have time to stop it. He sends Louis a glare as the older man says “Don't be so nice to them, I don't want them to love you more than they love me.”

 

At ten o'clock Liam texts Niall to ask him when he is going to be at the party,. a minute later the phone beeps with an answer and Louis leans over Liam's shoulder to read: _Which party :S !?_

Liam turns to look at him, face dead serious and Louis feels his stomach drop as he tries to find a reason why Niall might not know about the party. When he opens his mouth next, his voice comes out with a nervous edge to it.

“Didn't we tell him?” 

Liam looks just as uneasy as him, and shrugs his shoulders, bottom lip popping out slightly and eyebrows raising as he says.

“Well, Harry told us, so I just assumed he would tell Niall as well.”

“Fucking hell!, what do we do now?” Louis mutters under his breath and bits the inside of his bottom lip as his brain works at full speed, “Maybe Harry doesn’t want him to go, and we just fucked everything up?”

As this realisation sinks in, Liam and Louis share a concerned glance. Liam nibbles at the dead skin around his nails and finally concludes: “Well, they have to talk anyway, this is a good chance to resolve their differences.”

Louis seems hesitant , but then he snatches the phones from Liam's grasp.

“Ok, he's expecting an answer,” the tiny boy says as he types furiously.

Louis reads Liam the text.

Andy's party. _You're coming, right? _

When Liam nods in approval, he hits the send button. Niall doesn't take too long to answer: 

_I dunno... things are a little bit messy with me and Harry._

Liam tells Louis what to write next, and he looks pleased with himself when Louis nods his head in agreement and types: _That's why, nothing better than alcohol to make peace right?_ Then, as an afterthought adds: _You can bring Zayn as well!_

This time the answer takes a little longer, Louis reads out loud:

_Is Liam driving there? Can you two pick me up? I think it's better if I go there on my own._ 

To which Louis smiles and answers: _Right, be ready in an hour or so._

Louis throws the phone carelessly on the bed, it bounces a couple of times (Liam follows the trajectory with wide eyes) and fortunately it doesn't land on the floor. Louis flops down dramatically on his swivel chair, which slides a couple of metres across the floor and bumps gently against the wall. He asks, “Should we tell Harry?”

“I dunno,” Liam scratches his bald scalp. He rests his elbows on his knees, his back hunched over in an awkward position, “What a mess!”

“I don't know if this makes me a selfish bastard, but I just wish Zayn would go away,” Louis looks guilty as he confesses, “And maybe Harry could become gay or something... Is it wrong to wish that a friend of yours turns gay?”

Liam chuckles at this, his back finally straightening and shaking with laughter. “Harry? Gay? Good luck with that!”

“But it would be so sweet, you know... the childhood sweethearts,” Louis says while he spins around himself on the chair.

“By that logic, we should be a foursome, because we've all known each other for the longest time.”

Louis stomps his foot on the floor and stops spinning, his whole face perks up, a glint of mischief in his eyes as he says, “That's kinky, Payne.” 

Louis coos internally; his insides melting a little, when he sees the other boy blush and look aside. But when Liam looks back at him, it looks like he regrets what he just said, and Louis' face falls a little. His blue eyes focus on his feet as he finally admits, “It just makes me sad, you should have seen Harry's face when Niall told him to fuck off. It broke my heart.” 

Liam nods, and asks him, “Has he opened up to you about this?”

Louis heaves a sigh, “Not really, he just kept repeating over and over that he wasn't mad at Niall. He claims that he's just giving Niall space to be with Zayn,” Louis lets out a bitter snort and exclaims, “I think he'd rather let go of Niall than share him, you know? He would rather give up on Niall intentionally than lose him to another person.”

Liam scrunches up his face in confusion, “That doesn't make any sense.”

Louis shrugs his shoulders, his mouth pursing, and his left cheek puffing out. “That's just the way Harry's mind works...”

 

They make it to Andy's party later than they intended to because Joanne had came home later than expected and Louis and Liam couldn't leave Daisy on her own.

Niall looks totally fidgety and uneasy as they make their way through the crowd, and Louis suspects that his younger friend's nerves are passing on him.

They spot Harry in the hall, and Louis actually cringes at Harry's expression when the green eyed boy notices who is with them.

Harry looks away and for a second and Louis suspects this is going to be one of those awkward nights, but soon he realizes Harry is just finishing up his conversation with the girl he is talking with. 

He then walks in their direction.

When he reaches them, Harry pats Liam on the shoulder, and hands Louis his beer.

“Hey, I was wondering what took you so long,” Harry throws his arm around Louis' shoulders, and by the way he leans so heavily against him to talk, Louis can tell that the boy is already tipsy.

Louis untangles himself from his friend, before his legs give in under Harry heavy weigh, instead he puts his hand on the taller’s boy shoulder and leans slightly closer to him to make sure Harry can listen him over the loud music.

“I had to babysit Daisy, Is this party any good?”

Harry nods his head enthusiastically at this and says:

“Yeah, mate, it's sick! A lot of people turned up!”

Liam playfully knocks their shoulders together and snorts: “I bet you already hooked up with half of them, right?”

Harry shrugs his shoulders, a smirk creeping up his face, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he quickly glances at Niall, and then looks at his hands. His voice is uncertain when he announces that he is going to get another beer, before he looks up at Niall for the second time and turns to walk towards the kitchen.

Niall's eyes follow his every step until he disappears from his sight, then he says “I guess this is my cue to follow him...” as walks after him.

“Well, that was intense,” Liam blurts out once they are alone.

Louis takes a long gulp at his beer, and nods. “I know mate, awkward as hell.”

They give the house a round before they decide to find on a sofa which doesn't seem too disgusting to sit on. They bop their heads to loud 40 hits music, and their knees bump together to the rhythm, sipping from their drinks every so often. They soon start to feel dizzy and their limbs start to feel heavy. Louis turns his head and casually says, “I always thought that if Harry was gay, Niall would be in love with him.”

Liam looks at him, mouth agape and Louis protests “Don't look so surprised, it would make sense.”

“Louis...” He heave a sigh, voice restrained “Niall has Zayn now, they are happy, get over it.” 

Louis cackles sourly. “Hey, I am not hurting anyone by wishful thinking. I'm just saying that if Harry was gay, and if Zayn was not in the picture, Niall-” 

But Liam doesn't let him finish his sentence “That's a lot of ifs, Louis.”

Louis looks at him, exasperated.

“What's so wrong with it?” his voice getting louder and louder with every word. He can feel himself growing hot and his pulse picking up, “They are best friends, they know each other better than anyone, it should make sense if they were together.”

Louis' shoulders slouch down once he finishes his rant. He is too aware that he is not talking about Niall and Harry anymore; wonders if Liam knows this too. 

Liam looks at him guardedly and when he hisses “Not now...” it sounds like a warning.

“Not now, not now,” Louis snarls, and he looks slightly out of it as he gesticulates wildly “Then when? Tell me Liam, when do you fucking want to talk about it?”

Liam just stares at him for the longest time, his expression blank and his mouth in a tight line. But Louis can tell that the other boy is just swallowing his words, holding himself back like he always does.

Louis jumps to his feet and grabs his beer from the coffee table in front of them ready to walk away. But he is still angry and frustrated, and drunk, and he needs to say something more, thinks he is going to fucking explode if he doesn't say anything more, so with his back to Liam he calmly states: “I am not going to wait for you forever, Liam.” and with that, he forces himself to walk away.

His heart is hammering in his chest, louder than it should. What the hell he did say that for? Liam looked so cornered and helpless on the sofa. Why has he been so stupid and pushy? Liam is more important; their friendship is more important than everything else. The rest... the rest is irrelevant. It has to be irrelevant even if sometimes it rips Louis' heart in two. 

Liam is his sanity. Liam is the one that really cares. The only one who sees him as Louis and not as the big brother out of five siblings. He needs to take it all back, go back to square one where they have been for fucking years now. Tomorrow he'll beg but tonight... tonight he plans to get so pissed he won't remember his own name. But as he is about to enter the kitchen Harry storms off, knocking against him.

Louis grabs Harry's shoulder to regain his balance and groans “Man, slow down,” Louis has about 3 seconds to take in Harry's red rimmed eyes, and angry tears running down his cheeks before Harry shoves him aside and walks towards the upstairs.

Louis blinks, trying to comprehend what he just saw. He peers in the kitchen and sees Niall sitting on the counter, his legs dangling and his arms crossed with his hands tucked under his armpits. He looks impossibly small and his eyes seem unfocused, so deep in thought that he doesn't notice that Louis' head is popping out as he stares at him.

Louis wants to walk over there and comfort the blond, but Harry's face comes to his mind. So he turns on his heels and walks towards the stairs.

He hears him before he sees him; his worked up breath and his broken sobs echoing through the corridor.

He is in one of the bedrooms sitting on the floor against the bed, hunched over as he hugs his knees with his face hidden under his arms.  
He doesn't look up when he hears the door open, just hides his face further.

Louis sits besides him and puts his hand on the curve of his spine, but at the contact, Harry flinches away and with his elbow tries to push Louis' hand away from him. 

With a muffled voice he snarls, “Go away.”

Louis leans back. Slightly taken aback by how aggressive Harry's voice is, but he gets over the initial shock and puts his hand tentatively on Harry again, this time on the back of his calf, and when Harry doesn't snap he gives it a light squeeze, trying to comfort the blubbering mess of a boy in front of him.

Harry seems to be more responsive now, so Louis massages the younger boy's scalp, tugging at the soft curls. Harry's sobbing so hard now that h he is choking on his own breaths and squashing his face against his knees doesn't seem like a good idea anymore.

When he looks up, Louis breath hitches. He reaches out for Harry's upper arm almost instantly. Harry bits at his bottom lip, trying to stop the quivering. And his eyes... his beautiful green eyes are now puffy and glazed over with tears, so pained and so scared that Louis feels overwhelmed.

Harry covers his mouth, his breath shakes and his eyes beg for help as he stammers:

“I've screwed up, Lou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of this chapter? Did you like to hear the story from Louis' point of view? About the lilo, did you like/expect it? what do you think that it's going on between Liam and Louis? what do you think Harry's done to screw things up?  
> xxx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :) I am sorry this took kind of long. I started to write this on Thursday but this chapter was really hard to write. I was never fully satisfied with the final version, so I had to erase it and start again a lot of times.  
> I want to thank you all for all the support, it means a lot to me. And of course thank you as well to mywonderful beta who did a splendid job of looking through this at a very short notice.  
> So that's pretty much for it, I hope you like the new chapter; feedback is much appreciated ;)

 

 

Saturday morning finds Niall laying on his bed on top of the covers, one leg crossed over the other as he taps his right foot distractedly. His eyes get teary as he yawns profusely. He's still halfway through his copy of “The Grapes of Wrath” even though the exam is on Monday. Usually he is a fast reader so he left it to the last minute. He wasn’t expecting it to be that dense and boring though, so to make up for lost time he skips a couple of pages every now and then and resumes his reading from there, trying to summon from context what has happened in the unread pages.

He runs his hand across his face in an exasperated gesture and startles when his phone beeps on his nightstand.

He sends the gadget a cautious look and decides that right know he doesn't want to know anything from the world. He tries to go back to the book, but the red flickering light keeps drawing his attention away. Soon he stops pretending to read and puts the heavy book besides him on the bed and, as the phone catches his eye yet again, his mind starts to wander over who could be texting him... Zayn; maybe. Liam or Louis; most probably...

In the end, curiosity takes the best of him and he stretches his arm over his bed to reach for the phone. It's Liam.

“Hey mate, where did you disappear to yesterday? We spent a good while looking for you... are you okay?”

Niall closes the phone and regrets ever reading the message. He should have known better. Of course it would be Liam asking about the goddamn party that Niall is so eager to forget.

He flinches as a fresh memory of a weeping Harry comes to his mind and he puts the phone back on the nightstand.

 _Are you okay?_ The simple question seems stupid right now. In the space of a week he's had the main pillar of his life removed; the one person he would have stuck his neck out for taken away from him. 

And Niall... _Niall is mad. _No_ , he is fucking ballistic and his blood boils at the single thought of Harry.

How did he dare to doubt about Niall's loyalty? The blond has always been there for him; he has always put the younger boy first even if that meant that he had to sacrifice himself along the way. 

He bits the inside of his cheek as he bitterly remembers all the times he went to all those fucking parties just to please Harry, even though he always ended having to watch from afar as Harry exchanged saliva with a new nameless girl. And what happened when Harry joined the band? What happened all those times that Harry had to cancel on Niall because he had to practice with the band? Nothing. Not one single fight. He recalls sitting on a wobbly chair, watching them practice, sweaty and bored out of his mind, always _without complaints._

His whole life has always fucking gravitated around Harry's; always adapting to the other boy's needs. But, the moment the situation turns around; the moment that Harry is the one who has to adapt, everything fucks up. 

It makes Niall impossibly sad. It makes him wonder if Harry ever cared about him as much as Niall cares about Harry.

Niall snaps out of his thoughts the moment his phone rings. His eyes flick up to take a look at the screen of the phone.

He lets it ring a couple of times, not so sure that he wants to answer the call. In the end he feels guilty and with a sigh scrambles around the bed to answer the call.

 

“What are you up to, blondie?” Zayn greets cheerfully.

Niall glances at “The grapes of wrath” now laying on his bed totally forgotten and exhales, “Not much.”

By the noise coming from the phone, Niall can tell that Zayn isn't at home.

“Wanna hang out?”

Niall contemplates the question; hanging out with Zayn means a distraction, and he certainly could do with a distraction right now but probably it also means having to explain how the party went yesterday, as well, and he panics at the prospect of having to tell Zayn about Harry.

The blond worries his bottom lip as he considers the pros and the cons. Finally, he resolves,”Ok, sure.”

“I'll pick you up at, mmm,” Zayn takes a minute to answer, and Niall can almost picturing him trying to work out how to check the time on his phone without hanging up on Niall, “ half past?”

Niall in return takes a quick glance at his watch, trying to determine if he has enough time to get ready, considering that he still has to shower.

“Fine, give me a bell when you get here.” 

“And what will you give me in return?” Zayn asks cheekily.

Niall blushes and barks out a laugh “Zayn, I'm going to hang up the phone right now.”

The corner of his lips twitch upwards when Zayn exclaims, “Prude!”

They end up in the park again. It is Saturday so the place is packed in comparison to the last time they were there. However, as they sit on one of the benches, they don't really take much notice of the people surrounding them.. 

They sit in comfortable silence for a minute or so. Then Zayn stops playing with the hem of Niall's jumper and points out, "You are quiet today.” 

Niall squirms uncomfortable under Zayn's intense gaze but he doesn't even try to deny it. He just shrugs his shoulders and looks down at his lap. Zayn asks, “Was he rude to you yesterday?” His voice is calm and steady, but his shoulders are tense as he surveys Niall's face for answers.

Niall draws on a shaky breath, still refusing to make eye contact. Zayn gets closer to him and presses further on the matter. “What did he do this time?”

Niall is quick to answer sharply, “Nothing Zayn, forget it.”

“Niall, stop protecting him.” Zayn groans exasperated. He probes again, “What did he do this time?” 

Niall has to gasp for air, suddenly feeling suffocated under Zayn's scrutiny.

“He, uh,” The blond starts hesitantly and his voice is slightly wobbly when he croaks, “He was horrible to me.”

“Niall...”

“I saw him entering the kitchen so I followed him. He was already waiting for me there, and before I had a chance to say anything he apologized to me and I thought everything would be fine again.” Niall stops and looks up at Zayn. He looks so lost and helpless that Zayn feels an unstoppable urge to take the his hands in between his and squeeze them. “I just wanted... _I needed to know why he was acting so weird, you know?; why was he mad at me. He was just like, “ I'm not mad Niall, I just want to be a good friend and let you and Zayn enjoy your time together.” 

Zayn scrunches up his nose and smirks skeptically. Niall's mouth curls up in a strained smile.

“I know. I didn't believe him either, so I pressed a little bit further and he snapped.”

Niall closes his eyes and rests his elbows on his thighs. Zayn strokes his cheek and gently questions, “What did he said to you?”

Niall's eyes dart around the park, and he takes his time to answer. “He kept insisting that he wasn't mad at me." He starts hesitantly, "I got really frustrated with him and I think I pushed him too far when I pointed out that he was avoiding me. He was like “The fact that I don't spend my days waiting for you to call doesn't mean that I am angry, okay? It just means that I have a life”. 

Niall rests his head on one hand as his leg bobs up and down making his whole body tremble. 

“ Next he was accusing me of being a bad friend. He... uh, he said that I had disappointed him.” He shakes his head, baffled, and adds “ I must admit that I said things that were a little bit harsh but he... he was fucking vicious. ”

Niall's voice becomes inaudible towards the end of the sentence. He gulps and his Adam Apple bobs up and down in a swift movement. “I dunno what came over to me, but I told him that maybe if he was so disappointed on me, we shouldn't be friends anymore.” His eyes bore into his lap and he adds, “I don't know why I said that. I didn't even mean it. It's just... _I was just so mad at Harry that I wanted him to hurt as much as I did,” he croaks, “but he just stood there and started to cry.”

Niall wets his lips, his voice monotone as he finishes his story, “He looked so genuinely sad that I tried to comfort him, but he shoved me against the counter and spat, “You've already lost one friend, I hope you sort yourself out before you end up the fuck alone.”

Niall rubs his hands against his thighs and looks up at Zayn whose gaze bores into him. His dark eyes are unforgiving and his jaw clenched so tight that it looks hurtful.

“You didn't believe a word he said, right Niall?” Zayn forces out.

Niall shrugs his shoulders feebly, and furiously rubs away the single tear that rolls down his cheek.

“Niall, look at me.” Zayn takes the blond's face in his hands, and tilts his head so that he can make full eye contact with the tiny boy. His dark eyes waver with sincerity as he says, “I'd kill to have someone to care about me as much as you care for Harry. If he can't appreciate this, then he's stupid.”

Niall worries his lip and his face drops.

Zayn lets go of him and readjusts himself on the bench. He rubs his hands together and asks, “What's going to happen now?”

“I honestly don't know.” Niall mutters, “ What I know is that I don't want to see Harry's face in a while, that's for sure.” Then he greets his teeth and adds “ I am done running after him.”

Zayn nods and brings Niall closer to him.

“I am really sorry that he doesn't treat you the way you deserve.” Zayn whispers into his ear. 

Niall smiles, but it looks too dull and too strained. Zayn rests his forehead against Niall's hair as he breaths into him, but the moment is lost when Niall's telephone rings. The blonde takes his blackberry from the pocket of his jacket and his gut hits the floor when he sees Harry's name flashing on the screen.

To his surprise, before he has the chance to answer Zayn snatches the phone away from his hand, presses end call and tucks it in one of his pockets. He looks at Niall evenly before he cups the blond's face and locks their lips together, trying to kiss away the hesitance he sees there.

There's a lot of ringing and beeping after that, and Niall finds himself unable to draw his attention away from the phone.

“Shhh, stop thinking about him, Niall.” Zayn whispers against his lips.

Niall nods, and forces himself to stop paying attention to Harry's desperate attempts to get a hold of him. But, what if he needs him? What if it is something really important? 

He kisses Zayn chastely on the lips one last time before he pulls away and says, “Maybe I should answer that? It could be important.” 

Anger flickers through Zayn's eyes. His eyebrows knit together and he snaps, “For god's sake Niall!, What's it gonna take? He doesn't give a damn about you, just fucking ignore him!” 

Niall flinches and his face contorts as a new batch of tears threaten to spill from his eyes. It is the first time that Zayn snaps at him. The blond tries to swallow the lump that has formed in his throat but there is no budging it. Zayn has just said out loud what Niall's been thinking (and dreading) for the last week. He feels the older boy smearing the tears away, his expression soft and apologetic as he begs, “Please?”

Niall shifts on the bench so that he isn't facing Zayn anymore. His shoulders drop and so does his face.

“I didn’t mean to be so harsh, ” Zayn soothes, “but it frustrates me that your so called best friend hurts you time after time.” Niall nods his head as he furiously wipes the tears away.

“Come here.”

Niall lets himself be dragged into Zayn's arms, but he is too tense to enjoy the hug right now.

“Are you mad at me?”

Niall shakes his head and tries to say or do something, but his voice is paralyzed and his body feels too numb. Zayn pulls away, and places his hands on Niall's shoulders, staring at the younger boy intensely,“I really care about you, Niall." He admits, "I know we've just met recently, but I feel this, um, this overwhelming need to protect you, and whenever Harry's around, it goes on overdrive and I can't control it.”

Niall's blue eyes focus on Zayn's lips, no longer registering the words that come out of his mouth.

Zayn seems to realize, because he sighs and asks, “Do you want me to drive you home?”.

His face falls a little when Niall nods his head.

They get up from the bench and start walking towards the car; they spend the whole drive to Niall's in silence . When Zayn pulls over in front of Niall's house, the blond twists his neck and his blue eyes flick up to Zayn's face nervously. He asks, "Can I have my phone back?”

Zayn looks at him evenly, his hands already fishing for Niall's phone. Before handing it to him, though, he questions, “Are you going to call him?”

Niall shakes his head frantically and mumbles, “No, I won't.”

 

Zayn nods and hands the phone over to him before he leans and captures Niall's lips with his own again. The blond is unresponsive at first but, as Zayn's arms engulf his tiny frame and nibbles at his bottom lip, he finally allows himself to relax into the kiss; the warmth of Zayn's lips filling the void in his chest.

 

When Niall gets home it's almost lunch time. As he waits for Maura to finish the lasagna, he lays on his bed and scrolls down his texts lazily. There's at least six of them, all of them Harry's.

_-Niall, please I really need to talk to you, I am really sorry.-_

_-Hey, Ni, I know you are mad, please answer my calls?-_

_-God, I don't know what came over to me, I didn't mean any of it.-_

 

Niall reads them again and again, wondering what to do. He's not going to call; that's for sure, and he doesn't feel like texting him back, either. 

He is so deep in thought that he startles when his phone starts ringing in his hands. His stomach churns with nerves and he starts having an internal battle with himself. He heaves a few deep breaths and tries to pluck up the courage to address the situation. Finally he collects himself and, as calm as he can, he mutters a quiet, “Hello.”

Harry breaths a sigh of relief down the phone and he cries out, “Oh, Niall, thanks god! I was so worried!, I thought you weren't going to answer my calls anymore.”

Niall bites down his lip to refrain himself from being rude, and bluntly retorts, “I shouldn't.” 

Harry's voice is slightly hoarse as he rushes to say, “I know, Ni, I know. You have no idea of how sorry I am. I really didn't mean anything of what I said.”

“So you've said in your texts.” Niall says flatly.

“I wish I could take it all back.” Harry pleads, “I hate myself right now. I still can't believe that I said all those horrible things to you.” 

“But you did.” The blond mumbles dryly.

When Harry speaks next, he is sniffling “ Please, this situation, _it isn't easy on me either. You..” there's a shaky breath “you are the best friend I have, Ni.”

Niall's bottom lip trembles slightly. He holds his breath and tries to get a hold of himself. He snaps, “Then you should learn how to treat your best friends better.”

Harry is quiet for a moment or two and Niall knows that the younger boy is trying to regain his composure as well. Finally, he pleads, “Would you have a coffee with me later, to talk properly?”

Niall closes his eyes, rubs the bridge of his nose and heaves a tired sight, “ You mean fight.” 

“No, Niall. I'm done with fighting with you. I just...” Harry has to stop when he is overcome with a wavering sob “ Um, I just miss you so much.” 

Niall doesn't know if he's tired, or frustrated or if he has just lost his mind but he finds himself wanting to laugh bitterly at that.

He tries to muster all the courage and determination he has to tell Harry to fuck off and end up the call but Harry begs further; his sobs getting louder and louder.

“Please Niall, just let me explain.”

There's an awkward silence, and Niall realizes how worked up both of their breaths are right now.

“Yeah, whatever. Just text me the time and place.”

He knows he's made a mistake the moment he puts down he phone and a sudden feeling of dread flows through his veins at the prospect of having to confront Harry when he is feeling so weak.

When Maura announces that lunch is ready, he realizes he won't be able to swallow any food. Maura looks at him worriedly and asks him if he is sick. In the end Niall forces the food down his throat to avoid any further questions, and gets up from the table as soon as he finishes his last mouthful, finding himself unable to sit still any longer.

He goes up to his room and locks himself there. His brain works in overload as he tries to asses the situation. For starters he should stop stealing glances at his watch every two seconds, but he can't help himself. And as Harry's words replay in his mind, Niall is surprised at his own eagerness to see him. He should not be eager, though; he should be mad. He _IS_ mad, but then the “I miss you so much” and the “You are the best friend I have” echo in his brain and all the anger dissapears.

It does worry him; the amount of power that Harry has over him. He's always been aware of it, but he's never thought of it as a threat. Now.... now it's something scary, something that makes him feel weak and exposed. He hates not having control over his own actions and feelings anymore. He hates wanting to be mad but being unable.

He looks at his watch yet another time. His guts flutter with nerves as he tries to imagine what will happen; he imagines all sorts of scenarios, all of which end up with Niall and Harry hugging each other with matching smiles on his faces.

Fifteen minutes before he is due to meet Harry at the local Starbucks, he grabs his keys and his phone, ready to leave the house. By chance he happens to notice the red light flickering on his phone; he's got a text.

 

He opens it absentmindedly, now that the gadget doesn't seem like a threat anymore. He is unguarded as he opens Harry's message, a small smile still on his face.

 

“Niall, I can't make it today. I think we should take some time apart to cool down a little bit. See you around.”

 

Niall's eyes frantically read the message over and over again as his mouth flies open in disbelief. He draws on a shaky breath, suddenly feeling as if someone was squeezing his lungs. His grip on the phone tightens, and all his blood rushes to his head making him slightly dizzy.

Tears of anger and humiliation start welling up his eyes and he rubs his eyes frantically; his whole body trembling with anger. _Who the hell does he think he is?, How does he dare to get my hopes up and then crush them the next moment?_ Thousands of questions pile up in his head and his stomach churns with nausea _“What on earth could have happened to make him change his mind since the last time we spoke?” “What could I have possibly done wrong this time?” ”God, I hate him, I hate him so fucking much.” "Does he want some time apart?, he can have all the fucking time in the world for all I care!”_ Niall clenches his fists, his nails digging painfully into his palms as he squeezes his eyes shut too tightly to stop more tears from spilling. He stands motionless in the middle of his room for the longest time, as he repeats himself over and over again: 

 

“This is it, I fucking swear that this is it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was pure drama: First of all: did you like the chapter? What do you think of what Harry told Niall at the party? Do you believe him when he says that he misses Niall and that he is sorry? Who do you empathize more with; Niall, Harry or Zayn? Why do you think that Harry changed his mind so suddenly? more coming up soon xxx


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! As always, thank you so much for your support :) I hope you like the new update, let me know what you think about it.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter is unbetaed. As some of you already know English is not my mother tongue so expect a lot of grammar, etc mistakes. Please feel free to point them out in your comments so I can correct them and make the reading more pleasurable for the next reader... I decided to update this without beta because checking it with a beta might have take 2 more days... and I thought it was better to update earlier even if it meant having some mistakes...

On Monday Niall is already sitting next to Zayn when Harry steps into the classroom, borderline to being late; his tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth and his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as he types something quickly on his phone.

 

They haven't seen each other since the party, but this Harry seems to be completely different from the blubbering mess that stormed off from the kitchen; he's different to the guy he grew up with, too.

 

Niall observes him as he stands motionless in the middle of the classroom, too concentrated on whatever is going on on his phone to pay attention to anything else.

 

Niall decides that he looks like a Hollywood star, sort of. He wears clothes that nobody else in the school wears, but he makes them look fashionable on him. He is handsome; but not handsome in the canonical, spectacular way than Zayn is. His beauty is harmonic, and natural, but added up to his confidence and charisma; it attracts attention more than Zayn does.

 

Niall can in fact see that right now there are several eyes in the room apart from his studying Harry's every movement. And the blond reckons that Harry is aware of this, too.

This is not new to either of them; wherever Harry goes, eyes follow him. He is the sort of person that you see and think, _I wanna be friends with this guy_.

 

Maybe it's because the younger boy oozes coolness and charm through every pore of his, or it could be because he smiles like someone who is used to win always in life. (Even though Niall knows that this is not true.)

 

Niall never used to pay much attention to this, because to him Harry was just Harry. He's seen Harry fart and burp a million times, he's seen him with greasy hair and spotty skin, he's seen him puking, toothless and pissing his pants. He's seen him in his Ninja Turtles pajamas.

 

And maybe it's because now they apparently won't be friends anymore but, as Harry finally takes a seat, Niall realizes that for the first time in his life he's not seeing him from the privileged perspective he used to have, but from the same perspective that the rest of the world; from the perspective of all those who don't know him, or haven't grown up with him; from the perspective of all those who see him like a character in a movie; someone unattainable, untouchable, unreachable and unreal.

 

It's weird, because Harry looks the same that he does every day, but now Niall doesn't have access to see pass it; pass what he looks like. He can't see what Harry is thinking just by looking at him and he no longer perceives Harry as an extension of his own body. Now Niall is no longer HarryandNiall; now he's just Niall. At this thought, the blond worries his lips, and his gut twists in his stomach; he doesn't know how to be just Niall.

 

 

 

 

 

Niall doesn't necessarily want to avoid Louis and Liam. He is just trying to avoid Harry; Liam and Louis are collateral damage.

 

So, when Zayn and Niall enter the cafeteria and realize that Harry is already sitting with Liam and Louis, they have no other choice than to sit in a different table.

 

Niall can see Louis burning holes on the side of his face as he munches his food distractedly, but the blond doesn't acknowledge him; nor does he talk to any of them for the rest of the day.

 

It is unfair, and Niall's conscience won't shut up about it, but right now the idea of being around Louis and Liam is too unbearable to handle.

 

On Tuesday Maura intercepts him when he gets back from school.

 

Zayn is waiting outside in his car, and Niall has just come to drop his backpack quickly and get a warmer jacket when his mother storms in the room and startles him.

 

“Hey love. Are you leaving already?” She questions.

 

Niall, eager to leave, leans forward to peck her cheek in a rushed movement, but as he passes by her to leave the room, she encircles his wrist with her chubby digits.

 

“You are not going to see Harry and the boys today either?”

 

Niall huffs with impatience, and shakes his arm, but his mother doesn't let go of his wrist. So he grumbles, “Mum, Zayn is waiting for me.”

 

Maura seems unimpressed. She releases her grip on Niall, but firmly says,“You are not going anywhere until I'm done with you.”

 

Niall turns his body to face her, then; lets out a puff of air and, stretching the word as much as he can, he hisses, “ _What_?”

 

Maura looks at him slightly annoyed, but then her expression changes and she looks worried, “What's going on with you and the guys, Niall?" She asks.

 

Niall rolls his eyes, exasperated, “What about them?”

 

“I haven't seen Harry for a week now... and you hang out with Zayn all the time? I know that right now it looks like spending time with Zayn is all that matters, but you shouldn't abandon your friends like this, Niall.”

 

Niall's nostrils flare a little, despite his angered exterior, on the inside he feels like crying. He tries to keep his composure as much as he can; his voice void of any emotion when he breathes out, “Mum... don't talk of what you don't know.”

 

But his mother doesn't get a hint; she can't see how tense his shoulders are; how there's a vein pulsing on his temple.

 

“What I mean is that Zayn will come and go, but Harry will always be there.” She explains.

 

Niall is caught off guard and something inside him snaps when the sentence hits him with full force. He steps back a little and blinks a couple of times. By the way she's looking at him, Niall can tell that his mother is expecting an answer. He racks his brain for something to say that will get her off his back, but his brain doesn't seem to be working properly right now and words fail him.

 

“Niall? Niall hun, you look pale.”

 

Maura is getting closer to him now and reaching to touch him, but he steps back further looking wary. His mother looks at him confused and slightly worried. Feeling a bit cornered Niall raises his hands to indicate her to stay away and flatly says, “Mum, Zayn is waiting for me, I have to go."

 

Niall forgets about the conversation with his mother as soon as he gets in the car and Zayn pulls him in for a kiss, but it comes back with full force next day at school, when Louis sends him a glance loaded with hurt and anger as he passes him to get to his seat. Liam, who walks after him, turns his head to look away from the blond and Niall feels his stomach drop.

 

 

 

 

On Wednesday he no longer knows if he should blame himself for avoiding his friends or if should blame his friends for giving up on him so soon.

 

Because Liam and Louis have gone as far as shooting daggers at him across the room. Never once have they tried to neither talk to him nor call him. It is true that Niall has become a difficult person to approach at school, where he's got his five senses focused on avoiding Harry but – they _do_ know where he lives. If they cared... they would have come to see him already, right? If they gave a shit...they would have confronted him for being a jerk.. Because that's what Niall needs right now; a wake-up call, someone who tells him to stop acting like a prick and get his shit together.

 

Niall can't help but to feel that his friends have already chosen Harry over him. “ _You'll end up the fuck alone.”_ Will he? If Niall has ever had something he could take pride in that was the friendship he shared with Harry, Louis and Liam. He's seen how people act around school; how supposed to be friends slander each other behind their backs; how most of the people are best friends when it comes to celebrate birthdays and post pictures on Facebook, but they disappear as soon as the tough stuff comes up. He's seen those people and knows that the four of them aren't like that, weren't like that, at least. He would have trusted any of the other three lads with his life, come the moment.

 

How something so strong -something that took so long to build, can evaporate so soon? Has he lost Liam and Louis as well, now? Would it make any difference if he went to them and told them how much he loves them and how sorry he is?

 

He's willing to do it, if that will make a difference. He has to do something. Because what good ever did to let things be with Harry? Would they still be friend if he had not listened to Zayn and had gone to speak to him that day? He thinks maybe they would. Sometimes the little things are the ones that count; little gestures that add up to each other. Maybe something so silly as not going to see Harry when he knew his friend was upset triggered all the drama, but Niall doesn't want to think too deep into this because it leaves a bitter taste on his mouth.

 

Even if Louis and Liam took him back, how awkward would it be? Do Harry and Niall need to make a timetable to see how they can arrange their time with them without having to see each other? How does he tell Maura? How does he tell her mother that Harry, that kid she raised up, the child who used to play football in her backyard, won't be coming home anymore? Does that mean he doesn’t get to see Anne either....? What a mess...

 

 

 

 

Thursday afternoon finds Niall with his eyes fixed on Liam's front door. His hands are disgustingly sweaty as he rings the bell. Nicola, Liam's older sister, opens the door for him, polite as always. Niall smiles at her, but as soon as possible he rushes up the stairs to get to Liam's room.

 

Out of all their houses, probably Liam's is the one they spend less time in. None of them feel comfortable there (Niall doesn't think Liam is either).

 

There's something about the atmosphere there... that it's quite unsettling. It definitely isn't that house isn't nice, because it looks like one of those exhibition houses on magazines; minimalistic, chick and with so much light that Niall has to squint sometimes.

 

No, the problem is Liam's family. They are too polite and far too perfect to be real. There's no shouting and no cursing... just sheer perfection everywhere. Liam's parents and sisters always have a _please_ and a _thank you_ on their mouths, even when they are interacting with each other. They have the whitest teeth Niall has ever seen; a smile always on their lips but never on their eyes.

 

Whenever he is here, Niall feels inappropriate and obnoxious; but he guesses Louis got it worse. Liam's parents... well they aren't exactly fans of Louis. In fact the boy probably meets every single trait they dislike in a person.

 

Liam's room is bursting with books. There's loads of them _everywhere_ ; not just school books; every kind of book (he even has a freaking atlas).

 

Niall thinks that Liam's room isn't a reflection of Liam's personality at all. There's much more to him than this, and Niall suspects that the room is what Liam's parents what him to be, not what he really is.

 

Liam's door is opened (that's a rule in the house) so he doesn't notice when Niall gets inside.

 

He's got the sky-sports web opened, and is currently reading the announce of a transfer of a football player.

 

Niall coughs to inform of his intrusion and Liam turns on his swivel chair, his eyes wide with surprise the moment he registers Niall and his mouth slightly ajar.

 

“Oh.”

 

Niall's hands start to fidget; his face gets hot as he stands awkwardly in the middle of the room looking so out of place.

“Nicola let me in.”

 

Liam motions Niall to sit on the bed and he moves the chair so that he can be closer to the blond.

 

Liam looks at him sourly but taking in his uneasiness, he takes the initiative.

 

“So, did you get lost or something?”

 

Niall cringes a little. Of course that spending so much time with Louis would rub off on Liam.

 

“Actually I wanted to talk with you; I would have come sooner, but ….” He leaves the sentence unfinished and Liam doesn’t press any further.

“It was a good idea to come to me and not to Louis, he's fuming.” Liam grumbles.

 

Niall nods. He knows -of course he knows. That's why he's chosen to speak to Liam first. He knows that Liam is just as mad as Louis, but they have different ways to let it show. Liam will listen, Liam won't judge, Liamm won't crush him with smart-ass comments (or that's what he thought anyway).

 

Niall doesn't want to beat around the bush so he blurts, “I am sorry I've avoiding you this week.”

 

Liam nods his head several times, as he looks evenly at Niall. He looks at him so intensely that Niall feels the need to look away. He doesn't. Liam seems to find whatever he was looking for in his eyes because suddenly he looks compassionate.

 

“Niall, I know you've been fighting with Harry a lot, lately but that doesn't include us. Your problem is with him; not with _us_. To be honest it just felt as if Louis and I didn't ever matter to you, you know? As if the only thing we had in common was Harry.”

 

Niall furrow his eyebrows, baffled. Is that what they thought? Is that the reason they wouldn't talk to him?

 

“That's ridiculous.” He stresses, “That’s the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”

 

Liam raises his hands and lets out a puff of air, “Well, what did you expect us to think?”

 

Niall shrugs his shoulders. He takes Liam's cushion and drops it on his lap as he hugs it.“I thought that you had chosen Harry over me.” Niall admits, “That's why I didn't talk to you. I just thought you didn't want to be friends with me anymore.”

 

“Why would we do that?” Liam refutes. “We love the both of you. We are not going to take part in all this madness, Niall.”

 

Niall pushes the cushion away, as he rushes to clarify,“I wouldn't want you to. But, realistically how is this going to work?”

 

Liam worries his lip, as he seems to contemplate whether he should say whatever is on his mind or not.

 

“Ni, I know you think that your fight with Harry is definite but it's just a matter of time that you start talking again. I've seen you two fighting thousands of times and... - common!, how would you and Harry stop being friends? That doesn't even make sense to me.”

 

Niall shakes his head as he purses his lips.

 

“I' m not so sure, Liam, things have gone too far; we both said things that now seem irrevocable.”

 

Liam massages the bridge of his nose and rubs his left eye in the process.

 

“Honestly, it worries me that you two have managed to let it go so off hand, but I am positive that this is just a phase.” His face turns from deadly serious to mildly annoyed, “But, really Niall? How could you be so stupid to think that we could choose one of you over the other?”

 

Niall has the decency to blush. He hesitates a little. His face drops when he finally plucks up the courage to admit, “I dunno, maybe that's what I made myself believe. Maybe the reason I didn't talk to you was because I didn't want to see you and Louis interact with each other... - being with each other as best friends knowing that I had lost mine”

“Aw Niall...”

 

Liam gets up from his chair and sits next to him on the bed. He angles his body to give Niall a side hug, and squeezes his shoulder tight.

 

Niall stumbles over his words when he asks next, “How... how is _he_ doing?”

 

“He's … um, fine?” Liam says unconvincingly, “I mean, he pretends he is... He is been hanging out a lot with the guys from the band recently... I think he just wants to keep himself busy to avoid thinking about this mess.”

 

Niall nods his head, and gulps, “I just wish I could get into his mind, and see what the fuck is going on in there.” He laments.

 

Liam takes off his shoes and sits cross legged on the bed so that he can make eye contact with Niall. “I know, you are the only person he ever let in.” He says evenly, “He doesn't really talk to us about how he's feeling... Louis gets really frustrated because Harry is not letting us help him.”

 

Both of them sigh bitterly, the conversation having drained the both of them.

 

Liam finally decides that this has got too intense and tries to clear the air. He cheerfully exclaims:

 

“ Anyways!, I am happy that things with Zayn are going great, you two look cozy.”

 

Niall feels a familiar flutter in his stomach and he beams, “Yeah,” He concedes, “he’s been supporting me through all this drama, you know? He's fucking fantastic. I mean, I have spent every waking hour moaning about Harry for the past weeks; any other person would have already told me to fuck off but he always listens to me and makes me feel better.”

 

 Liam’s smile gets toothier, “I am so happy for you Niall.” He admits.

 

“I know.”

 

“For someone you only met just two weeks ago you seem pretty smitten.” Liam teases, but Niall doesn't blush, if anything he looks sort of proud. “I know, I just feel like I have known him forever, but...”

 

The blond drifts off. He looks hesitant; reluctant to keep talking, so Liam shakes his knee vehemently, and urges him to say more. Niall blushes as he starts to talk, “I can't help it but to make a connection....You know? Me starting to see Zayn and you guys getting mad at me.... -it all happened at the same time, you see? and I wonder if it is all worth it... I mean, I really like Zayn but... Louis' been glaring at me for the past week, you wouldn't meet me in the eye, and Harry...” Niall looks away nervously, “Well you know.”

 

“Don't do that to yourself.” Liam says softly, “Things happen because they are meant to happen. Zayn doesn't have anything to do with this.. If anything, he's been incredibly nice, and he's been there for you when we weren't.” As an afterthought, he adds, “In fact, I bet he thinks we are all jerks.”

 

Niall cackles at that, “Nah.. he actually likes you guys.” He makes a funny face and adds, “Well, maybe he's not very fond of Harry....”

 

Liam smiles warmly, “Actually I think he likes him as well, he's been trying to get to know him.”

 

Niall's eyebrows knit up in confusion as he surveys Liam's expression, looking for answers. “What do you mean?” He asks.

 

“Well, you know how the tutor gives my number to all the news students in case they have any doubts?” Niall nods, and he is tempted to mock Liam, as they always do whenever the boy boasts about his charge as delegate of the class, but he's way to curious about this to interrupt Liam. “Well, Zayn called me the other day asking me for Harry's number. I think he wanted to hang out with him or something. It's very nice of him, you know? He knows that Harry is... - ehrmmm was? very important for you Harry and he is trying to get to know him better.

 

Niall blinks a couple of times. Instantly something clicks in his mind and... - _no fucking way_.

 

“What day did he call?” Asks Niall.

 

Liam pulls a confused face, “Mmm, dunno mate.”

 

Niall probes further, his tone borderline with urgency, “It wasn't on Sunday, right?”

 

“Actually, it was on Sunday, I was about to hang out with Louis when he called.”

 

Niall's gut drops. He should not jump into conclusions. _He really shouldn’t._ Zayn has never made anything to make Niall doubt him, _mistrust him._ He's going to give him a vote of confidence, he deserves that much _._

He's been quiet for a while now, and Liam is looking at him with a funny look.

 

“Why?” Liam asks.

 

“Just curiosity.”

 

Niall goes home and he can't stop mulling over this new piece of information. Did Zayn talk to Harry? Could Zayn have influenced somehow Harry's decision to cancel on him?

 

Niall tries to decide if he should get mad at Zayn or not. His instinctive reaction is to be angry. This was his chance to fix things with Harry, and god only knows if he'll ever get another one. But, to be fair, Zayn was doing what he thought was the best, right? He was looking out for Niall, trying to defend his honor or whatever... He could have asked Niall first though; he could have asked for permission... _. Maybe Zayn just wanted to have Harry's number because he was trying to get to know him better, as Liam pointed out...Maybe he was just trying to be nice...What could he have said to Harry, though?_ Niall really doesn't want to ask Zayn if he did talk to Harry. What if he gets mad at him? He's a little bit edgy when it comes to Harry and, after all, Niall would be doubting him and accusing him. That's the last thing he needs right now; Zayn getting mad at him, as well. He could ask Harry; he doesn't have much more to loose with him, but he'd rather stab himself than ask Harry, or talk to Harry, so he will have to live with the doubt. Can he, though? He could have told Harry _anything_...

 

 

 

The next day, he can't help but to act cold towards Zayn. He doesn't want to, but his whole body tenses whenever the other boy gets close.

 

At lunch time, Niall and Zayn enter the cafeteria to find out that Liam and Louis are sitting on their own in one of the wooden tables. Niall turns to face Zayn with pleading eyes as he says, “I think I should go to apologize to Louis. Do you mind to sit somewhere else today? He gets pretty intense and I don't want you to get caught up in the fire...”

 

Zayn smiles at him and nods, “Sure, you go talk with them, I'll sit with Danny instead.”

 

Niall smiles back at him but it looks slightly strained. Zayn doesn't seem to notice, though. He mutters a good luck, pecks Niall, and leaves in the opposite direction.

 

Niall heaves a sigh and starts walking towards his friends. Louis' eyes fall on him, as he approaches them. He doesn't seem amused.

 

“Are you sure you want to sit here?” Louis asks disdainfully, “I hugged Harry this morning, maybe I still smell like him. Will you hate me for that?”

 

Niall cringes. _Ouch._

“Louis...”

 

Louis clicks his tongue impatiently and rolls his eyes, “Are you going to sit down or what?

 

Niall scrambles around to sit down. He plops his backpack on the chair next to him. His eyes roam around the table as he plays with his hands, “I am so, _so_ sorry Louis I just..”

Louis clicks his tongues again and interrupts him,“Yeah, yeah don't bore me with the details... Liam already did.”

 

Niall's eyes dart to Liam who glances at Louis sternly and then sends him an apologetic look accompanied with a shrug of the shoulders. Niall's eyes drift again to focus on Louis, who lets out an indignant puff of air and says “I'm not as easy as he is. I do get why you were avoiding us and I am not mad at you.” Niall sighs in relief. However, he tenses again, ready for the new assault, when Louis speaks again. “I am mad at your stupidity, though.”

 

Niall blinks, “Ehrmm okay?”

 

But Louis doesn't really listen to him, just keeps ranting, “Yours and Harry's,” he says, “of course. What the hell are you thinking?”

 

Niall opens his mouth to defend himself but as on cue, Harry enters the cafeteria. He spots Liam first and starts walking towards them, but, as soon as his eyes fall on Niall's blond hair, his eyes widen a little bit and he retraces his steps to leave.

 

When Niall turns to look at Louis, he seems even angrier than seconds ago.

 

“How could you let this happen?” Louis reprimands, “How could you sit back and do nothing as things got so out of hand!”

 

Niall gasps outraged, “Me? It wasn't me!” He snaps, “I don't know what Harry's been saying of me but...”

 

Louis cuts him mid-sentence once again,“He hasn't said a single word about you.” He hisses. Then he leans his body on the table and squints his eyes, “Does that hurt your ego, Horan?”

 

Niall shoots daggers at him. “Why are you being like this?” He exclaims exasperated, “I can go after him and tell him to sit here in my place, if that's what you want!”

 

Louis stares blankly at him before he runs a hand through his hair and heaves a sigh of exasperation, “I don't want that.” He groans, “We told you that we are not taking sides, didn't we?”

 

“Then why are you taking it all out on me?” Niall exclaims. Louis looks at him right in the eye before he spits.

 

“Because, by now, I assume that Harry is too thick. I had my hopes settled on you, but I guess you are just as bad.”

 

Nial grits his teeth and questions, “What do you mean?”

 

Louis leans his body back on his chair, and his expression relaxes a little bit. When he talks next, he is calm.

 

“Look, Harry is too obtuse to know what's going on in here. But I think it's quite obvious and I'm pretty sure so do you. So why don't you put a solution to it and finish with our sufferings already...?”

 

“Louis...” Liam warns.

 

Niall looks at Louis, confused. Then he peers at Liam and finally back at Louis again. He's missing something. “I don't get what you are saying.” Niall spats brusquely.

 

Louis looks at him, and once again leans his body forwards, says,“You and Harry... the tension? The jealousy? The sulking? Does that ring a bell?”

 

Niall's breath becomes labored. His thoughts franctic as he locks eyes with Louis in a battle of stares. Suddenly he feels trapped in the cobalt of Louis' eyes; the air becomes unbreathable and he wants to stand up and run before he suffocates.

“Louis, stop.” Liam hisses.

 

“I'm just trying to help!” Louis spats back.

 

“Will you fucking say it already?” Niall cuts in, brusquely.

 

Louis looks at him surprised, Liam takes his head in his hands and his eyes drop to the surface of the table with a dramatic sigh.

 

“You and Harry...-well you just want each other's arses.” Louis finally breaks.

 

Niall's heart starts thudding violently in his chest; his face a mask of shock, “Pardon?”

 

“Yeah, um, you know, you want to fuck each other senseless?” At this Louis makes a rude gesture with his hands, “But you can't, so... you fight instead.” Louis states matter of factly.

 

Niall's heart explodes viciously in his heart. His breath quickens and his eyes seem about to escape off his sockets.

 

“You don't know what you are saying.” He rushes to say, his tone edged with incredulity and his voice slightly out of breath.

 

“Yeah, right.” Louis mutters skeptically, rolling his eyes; Liam... Liam is still unable to look at the blond in the eye.

 

Niall stands up abruptly and grabs his backpack.

 

“Where are you going?” Louis asks.

 

Niall glares at him, “I need to get fresh air.”

 

“Niall, don't get mad!” Louis shouts.

 

But it's too late; Niall is already storming out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So umm what do you think of the new chapter? How do you think Niall will react to what Louis has just told him? Do you think he will eventually confront Zayn about what he did? What do you think that Zayn told Harry?  
> xxx


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. This took A LOT. I am so, so, sorry, but each time this story gets more difficult to write... I hope you like the result anyway. As always I want to say thank you to my wonderful beta http://shonji.tumblr.com/ for her input (this didn't look half nice before it went through her editing).  
> And of course I also want to say thank you to all those reader who always read me and leave wonderful comments :) I love you all.

_You want to fuck each other senseless._

_You just want each other's arses, so you fight instead._

Niall barges out of the school doors and he isn't able to breath properly until he has lost sight of the building. He wanders around for a while, just trying to put distance between himself and Louis. 

_You want to fuck each other senseless._

Louis' words echo inside his mind again and again and Niall breaks into a run. He can't. He just can't do this right now.

When he came out to Harry, his biggest worry was that his friend would hate him. The possibility of Harry freaking out on him too scary and unnerving to bear. Part of him knew that Harry wouldn't stop being his friend just because he was gay, however, it would be easy to understand if Harry didn’t feel comfortable with cuddling with him anymore. In fact, Niall was sure that the things that used to be second nature for them, such as sharing a bed or changing clothes in front of each other, would stop happening. But... they didn't. Harry kept treating him the same, speaking to him the same, touching him the same...

The simple fact that Harry didn't change around him was something that Niall had valued above everything else ; what Harry made for him the day he came out... that was the best gift anyone could have given him. And, right away, Niall knew that he could never risk that; he would never ask Harry for more than he had already given him. 

The fact that Louis would point out such thing is terrifying. It's something Niall can't even allow himself to think about right now. 

It just doesn't seem right , it doesn't matter how good looking Harry is, or how funny or how nice. It doesn't matter how close they are. It. Doesn't. Matter.

Harry is straight. He likes girls and boobs. There is no other way around it. Full stop.

Harry trusts Niall; he trusts their friendship enough to act the way he does around Niall, to let Niall be so close to him... There is no way Niall would jeopardize that; he would never cross that line. How wrong and disgusting would it be if Niall got aroused to the sight of a naked Harry or to the feeling of Harry lying against him? What kind of friend would that make him? 

_What if Louis tells Harry what he just told me?_

As the thought hits him, Niall stops on his tracks, bending over and panting heavily.

 _Shit._ What if Louis has already told Harry? What if Harry believes that Niall wants to fuck him? 

That would totally screw things up between them. Harry would freak out, that's for sure... Even if they found a way to forgive each other, things would never be quite the same. _God, please, don't let him know._

Niall rushes back towards the school and he texts Louis to meet him at the school grounds as soon as he can.

By the time Niall makes it back, sweaty and out of slightly out of breath, Louis is already waiting for him. They sit cross legged on a patch of grass that looks dry enough and Louis looks at him tentatively, and for once, he doesn't look sure of himself.

“I'm sorry, Niall, I didn't think this would upset you so much.”

Niall pointedly ignores him and he bluntly asks, “Did you tell him what you told me?”

Louis squints his eyes, “I didn't.”

Niall is not happy with the vague answer, so he probes further, “You didn't hint at it either, did you?”

“No, I didn't tell, nor did I hint about it.”

Niall surveys Louis' expression. When he notices that the older boy is being honest he lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

“Well, don't,” Niall commands. Louis looks confused so the blonde elaborates. “I mean it. Don't even think about it. The last think I need is Harry freaking out on me now.”

The tension is lessened and Louis grins impishly. “So you do want into his pants, then...” He goads.

Niall glares at him. “No, I don't.” He says through gritted teeth, “He's my best friend, Louis. And he is straight. End of the story.”

Louis opens his mouth to protest but Niall interrupts him and scowls, “I've said end of the story.”

At this, Louis raises his hands defensively and nods his head.

His older friend looks like he doesn't want to drop the topic yet and he is obviously dying to say something, but he nibbles at his lower lip and refrains from messing up things any further. He sighs finally and says, “Yeah... I won't tell him. But, Niall, if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here and I won't judge...” He lets out a bitter cackle, “I mean, I am not in the position to judge you.”

Niall doesn't know if he should laugh with him, or not. To be fair he doesn't have the sightliest idea what he's talking about but, something about the way Louis' neck seems so tense tells him that this is not something trivial. Whatever it is, it matters to Louis. So he patiently waits for him to continue. And finally Louis catches his eye and lets out a nervous guffaw. He says, “So erhhm, I've never said this out loud before but, I am bisexual.”

If Niall could have chosen how to react, he would have kept his expression blank. Maybe a tiny smile and something nice such as, “That's fine,” or a “That doesn't change anything.” But he's caught off guard and he can barely muster a breathy “Oh.”

Louis is obviously taken a back by his reaction; he blushes and looks at the ground, pulling out the grass he finds under his hands distractedly. Awkwardly he says: “Yeah, oh.”

“Who...?” Niall trails off.

“Liam.” 

Niall's jaw almost hits the floor, again he says, “Oh.”

This time Louis looks slightly annoyed.

“Oh? Is that the only word you know!?”

“Sorry, it's just, um, ," Niall stops to think, "Surprising?” Louis raises an eyebrow, clearly unamused. Niall blushes and clasps his hands together. He awkwardly adds “ So uh Liam, right? But,” 

Louis interrupts him with a sigh “Yeah I know. He's my best friend and he's straight and I broke every fucking rule in the manual.”

“I don't... I didn't...fuck.” Niall is frustrated with himself. He runs a hand through his hair and sincerity wavers in his blue eyes as he says, finally, “I am sorry.”

Louis looks at him, attempting to smile.

“Don't be...” his eyes twinkle with mischief as he adds, “He's not as straight as he'd like to be anyway. But you know...I suppose that if I had a family like Liam's I would try to be straight as hard as he is trying.”

Niall chuckles at this and Louis purses his mouth,“I just don't wanna fuck up our friendship, you know? I wish there was a way to see the future. Just to check if the possibility of what we can have is better than what we already have. Because, how I am going to risk everything for something I'm not even sure about?” 

Niall isn't so sure himself. He isn't comfortable thinking about it, either. So he just shrugs his shoulders noncommittally and says, “I dunno mate.”

Louis runs a hand through his hair, he stumbles over his words he says, “I thought that you and I, that we were in the same boat, but I guess I am the only one who's stupid enough to get stuck in something like this...”

Niall touches his knee lightly, trying to comfort him.

“Don't be so hard on yourself, mate. That's a really easy mistake to make,” Niall reassures. Then he gathers some courage, “I had to be really careful, you know? It took a lot of effort not to, uh, yeah." He gulps, and struggles to find the words, "When I found out that I was, you know... I just tried to push everything back. I had these dreams and thoughts about Harry. Ehrm. I just pushed them back and in the end it became sort of automatic.” He wonders if he's made his point clear with all the stuttering and finally adds “It was just my hormones going crazy, anyway”.

By the time he's finished, Niall is flushed and extremely uneasy. Louis looks contemplative for a while. He nibbles at the skin around his nails and says, “I am really sorry I made you upset, Ni. It sounded good in my head, the idea of you and Harry together. Maybe I thought that if you two got together then Liam would... “ Louis' shakes his head and recoils “Ehrmm... anyway!, you have Zayn now; that's nice too.”

Niall smiles at him shyly, “Yeah.”

 

Later that day, Niall and Zayn are sprawled together on Niall's bed. Zayn has his left arm draped across Niall shoulders, their legs lazily intertwined together. It's raining outside; the only noise in the room is the sound of the raindrops pitter-pattering against the window. They have been laying like this since they got out from school. Their bodies are touching practically everywhere and they can’t be physically closer to each other but... something is off. Something is definitely off with the way they can't find anything to talk about.

Well, Niall can. He could bring up what has been plaguing his mind for two days straight. But every time he is about to ask, he backs down; the question dying at the tip of his tongue.

Zayn doesn't necessarily have to get angry, right? Not if he asks him the right way. There is no way that Zayn hasn't noticed how weird Niall is acting towards him, so it is preferable to ask straight away, than having to deal with the weird atmosphere that is weighing down on them.

However, Zayn has different plans. At least, he definitely doesn't seem to be up for conversation, as he angles his face to peck Niall's cheek. He presses open mouthed kisses to Niall's upper chest, his tongue tracing the outline of Niall's collarbone, he moves upwards to kiss his neck, biting and licking there until he finds that spot behind Niall's ear that he know makes the blond weak at his knees. His tongue swirls along soft skin; teasing, hot breath sending goosebumps all over Niall's sensitive skin.

The problem is that Niall is not enjoying this as much as he should. Normally he would be hard by now, but all his blood is concentrated on his head instead, mulling over Liam's words.

Before it is too late to stop things, he squirms away from Zayn's touch and puts some distance between their bodies.

“Wait.”

Zayn heaves a sigh, and sits straighter on the bed. He seems pissed off. “Are you going to tell me, then?” 

Niall looks at him blankly and they stay quiet for a minute or so. Finally, Zayn insists, “Whatever is it, just say it already.”

Niall fiddles with his hands absentmindedly trying to find a way to say this without offending Zayn.

“I spoke to Liam the other day...” When Zayn doesn't say anything, he adds “He told me you asked him for Harry's number?”

Zayn looks away, his jaw set stubbornly and his arms crossed over his chest.

“What about it?” Zayn blurts sharply.

Niall and Zayn size each other up and Niall speaks again, “Why did you want it?”

“I wanted to have your best's friends number.” He says sardonically.

“Zayn...” 

They go quiet again, and Niall decides that if he doesn’t take the initiative, this won't go anywhere.

“Harry and I were going to have a coffee this Sunday.” 

“I thought you said you wouldn't call him.” Zayn spits out.

Niall furrows his eyebrow, slightly taken aback by Zayn's attitude. “I didn't. He called me. He seemed... eager to talk to me, that's until you spoke to him and made him change his mind.”

Zayn snorts. He looks outraged. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again and gets up to walk towards the door. Niall jumps from the bed right after him. As Zayn picks up his jacket and his phone Niall blocks the door to make sure Zayn doesn't leave. 

“You said something!” Niall accuses.

“That is all you care about,” Zayn seethes “It's always Harry this, Harry that!”

“He's my best friend!” Niall groans exasperated.

Zayn lets out a bitter guffaw, “Sure he is.” He grunts. The, he tries to shove Niall away from the door, but the blond doesn't give in an inch. 

“Move!” Zayn hisses.

“Not until you tell me what happened.”

Zayn glares at him. His whole body is tense; his hands clasped in tight fists by his sides, and his nostrils flaring. He closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. Then he retraces his steps and sits on the edge of the bed, leaning backwards as he rests his weight on his hands.

“I called him, we met at the park, we spoke, end of the story.”

Niall is slightly taken aback by the boldness in his words and the defiant look in his eyes, but he gets over it soon enough and shoots back.

“What did you talk about?”

“You, mainly.”

Niall gets closer to the bed, and sits on the floor in front of Zayn, waiting patiently for Zayn to carry on.

“I told him that you'd be better off without him, which is the truth.”

Niall feels his throat constricting. “Why would you do that?” He breaths out.

Zayn's eyes gaze into his as he says, “Because I like you a lot.”

Niall looks away, and gulps. He takes one deep breath, two deep breathes... “What else did you tell him?”

“Does it really matter now?” 

“Of course it matters!” Niall growls “Do you have the sightliest idea of how I felt that day!?” Niall spits “I spent the whole night crying and asking myself what had I done wrong this time! Do you have a fucking idea of how that feels?”

However, Zayn doesn't look sorry in the least, he just purses his mouth and says, “I just wanted to help.”

“Nobody asked you to!” The blond yells “We only met a few weeks ago and now you think you have the right to make decisions for me!?”

At this Zayn's face turns red, and you could see the hurt in his eyes.

“What did you expect me to do?” he seethes “Sit down and watch as he does whatever he pleases with you?”

“Yeah, Zayn, that's the only thing I asked of you, to respect my decisions! This is none your business!”

Zayn is about to say something, but he lets out an puff of air and his mouth forms a tight line. 

“How you're dealing with him is honestly pathetic... he's making a fool of you and you're letting him,” Zayn says.

Niall glares at him, with raspy voice he croaks out, “ You should leave." 

Zayn looks caught off guard. He glances over, his dark eyes widened in shock.

“Niall don't...” Zayn pleads.

Niall raises his hands in front of his chest, defensively.

“Just fucking leave!” Niall yells.

Zayn snorts angrily. He gets up from the bed and dodges Niall. He doesn't even turn to face the blond when he snaps “Do whatever you want!” ~~.~~

As he leaves he makes sure to slam the door.

The moment the door closes Niall collapses on the bed. His throat hurts from all the shouting and his eyes are burning. He dips his face into his cushion, feeling sorry for himself. As he thinks of the feelings of anger and powerlessness he has, he bursts into tears; his whole body overcome with ruthless sobs. 

Soon enough, the door opens and Maura's head peeps out. “Hun, what the hell was--" She stops as she realizes her son is crying, "Niall! What's wrong?!”

Niall hears his mom step closer to him. She shakes him, but he doesn’t turn over.“Honey, calm down, you are going to suffocate!”

Niall heaves out a sob, and tries to regain his breath. He raises his face from the cushion just enough to growl, “Out!”

However, Maura doesn't listen to him. She kneels down by the bed and massages his scalp trying to calm him. What she doesn't know is that she is having the opposite effect on Niall.“Take deep breaths babe, you are going to make yourself sick.”

Niall's throat constricts. He is sobbing so hard that he gasps. He knows that Maura is freaking out. To an outsider it must look like Niall is having asthma attack, but he is isn't, he just need to let it all out, he just needs to be left alone. 

“I said get out!” Niall cries, "Please, mom..." 

The words burst out of him. He doesn't want to be rude, but he doesn't want Maura to see him in this state, either. He's not comfortable crying in front of his mother, so he sighs in relief when he hears Maura stand up, and finally closing the door. 

At this, Niall grips the blankets to refrain from shouting. He can hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind his ears He thinks, "Fuck Zayn, fuck Harry, _fuck every one_. He's sick of all of them." He's sick of the nerves and the anxiety. Sick of having to live in constant worry, in fear of constantly messing things up.

He just wants to curl up under his blankets. He wants to sleep and to forget about the world. Why are people so fucking complicated? Why does there always have to be something going wrong?

He finally let's go of everything that he's been bottling up for the past weeks. Now that Zayn is no longer there to hold him together Niall is overcome by a raw feeling of loneliness; every single negative aspect of his life weighs down on him and it feels too much. 

After a while, the crying leaves him void of energy, and he just lays on his bed, motionless, ~~~~wallowing in self pity, waiting for sleep to come. His perception of time is muddled as he drifts in and out of sleep. However, he comes back to his senses when he hears the door open once again. He rubs the sleep and the dampness off his eyes and he tries to compose himself in an attempt to reassure his mother that he is better now. However, the person at the door isn't Maura.

 

Harry is wearing the beanie that Niall bought him for Christmas two years ago and a flannel shit. He stands at the door; his expression blank as he stares at Niall. For a short while, they just observe each other from afar, both feeling too shy to say anything. Finally, it's Harry who speaks, his voice barely audible.

“Your mother called... She said that you needed me.”

Niall's breath hitches in his throat and his face scrunches up in confusion. He wants to say something right now, but he is rendered speechless. He just sits on his bed stupefied and observes as Harry takes a few steps towards the bed.

He doesn't look real; the situation doesn't look real. What is he doing here? Why now? What happens with the last conversation they had?

He tries to wrap his head around the fact that Harry is, in fact, right in the middle of his room; his brain on overdrive as thousands of thoughts go through his mind. Surely Maura has called Anne to explain Niall's little breakdown and she has forced his son to come over, or, maybe Maura spoke to Harry and he was put in an awkward position. In any case, Niall needed Harry and he's here.

The blond can't believe it, but he's not going to complain about it. He won't make questions, either, in case Harry remembers that now he hates Niall and turns back on his heels.

Suddenly, Niall realizes he's aching to touch him; aching to know that Harry is indeed standing in front of his bed and that he isn't a dream or a product of his imagination.

Niall reaches for him; he grips the flannel shirt and tugs, and Harry, obediently, takes a seat besides him on the bed, their shoulders bumping together. The moment that Harry brings him closer to his body Niall lets out a pained sob and tears start cascading down his cheeks. 

Harry leans Niall's body against his chest and wraps his arms around the bond's middle. He asks. 

“Do you want to talk?”

Niall shakes his head profusely, biting back another sob. He untangles himself from Harry's body and moves them so that they are lying on the bed. Immediately, Harry's arms move to encircle his waist, and Niall arches his back against the younger man's chest, curling into him.

_You want to fuck each other senseless._

_You just want each other's arses , so you fight instead._

Niall closes his eyes tightly. His shoulders shake a little as he tries to regulate his breathing. 

After a couple of minutes, the sobs start to subdue. Harry nudges the back of his head with his nose. For the first time in weeks Niall feels all the fight leave his body. An odd tranquillity invades him and his body goes limp. Finally, he falls asleep in Harry's arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!!! so, what do you think? let me know if you liked the turn in the story!! :) xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So chapter 10 is ready at last. I needed a break of writing so much drama, so this chapter is a little bit lighter. I want to dedicate this to franglese, who has been reading and supporting this fic since the beggining "hope this makes you smile :)"  
> I want to thanks my beta for the day : Carrie, who made a wonderful job at very short notice.  
> Of course thanks to you too, this got a lot of kudos fort the last 4 days, which was a little bit crazy. And your comments are always amazing :)  
> Hope you enjoy your reading, and please let me know what do you think. :) xxx <3

The next day, Niall wakes up to an empty bed.

He figures that at this point Harry must have made up his mind and is probably regretting ever coming to his rescue. However, as he descends the stairs to grab something to eat, he makes out Harry's voice talking to his mother and he brightens up a little. It's quite late by now, so they aren't making any efforts to keep their voices low. For a while, he stands hidden, just listening to his mother and Harry’s banter.

“This one is recent, I don't think you've seen it.”

Niall can almost picture Harry lifting the sleeve of his left arm to show Maura his newest tattoo. As soon as she sees it, Maura makes a disgruntled sound at the back of her throat.

“Ew! That's horrid, why would you want a skull on your arm?”

“Oi! I love it, Frankie is lovely, thank you very much,” Harry retorts disbelievingly. 

Maura points out, “You’re going to give your mother a heart attack if you get any more tattoos”

Harry humphs a little and then excitedly exclaims, “Oh, hasn't Niall told you the news? He's got an appointment on Wednesday; he's getting a huge cobra inked on his back!”

Maura gasps. And she probably has to hold onto the counter so she doesn't fall backwards from the shock. Soon though, Harry bursts into fits of laughter, and Niall can hear the sound of a cloth flying across the kitchen and then a yelp of disgust coming from Harry. Niall has to grab his stomach and keep his lips pressed tight together to refrain from laughing; he doesn't want to reveal himself yet.

Maura joins, and they both laugh for a short while until Maura's laughter trails off, and her voice becomes serious when she says, “By the way, I never got to thank you for coming so quick, I really didn't know what to do.”

Niall is aware that they can't possibly know that he is here, but, somehow, he feels guilty for eavesdropping. He shuffles a little, wishing he hadn’t heard the last sentence. When Harry answers, he leans even closer to the door, to make sure he doesn't miss a word.

“Don't worry Maura, he'll be fine.”

  
  


Niall wants to sigh, wants to ask: _do you reckon?_ He wants to know why Harry sounds so determined and convinced, as well. Instead he waits for a minute longer before he casually enters the kitchen, humming for effect.

As soon as Maura sees him she rushes to hug him, fussing over him.

“Are you feeling better?” She runs a hand through his blond hair trying to tame it, but ineffectively. She leans for a loud kiss on the cheek, then cups his face and observes him. Niall groans and scrunches up his face in embarrassment.

“Mom…”

Maura turns to look at Harry whose green orbs are already fixed on them, and lets out a guffaw, “Yeah, he's definitely being himself now!” she mocks.

Niall rolls his eyes, and glances at Harry, looking for some sort of responsiveness in his eyes, but as soon as his blue eyes fall on the younger boy, Haryy looks away.

Niall tries to shrug it off, but suddenly, the atmosphere isn’t quite the same and Maura must have noticed, because she takes control of the conversation from there.

“Your mum called,” she informs, “she'll pick you up in five minutes.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” Harry grunts. “We are going to visit my grandparents in Cheshire today.”

“Lovely,” Maura says distractedly as she washes the glass Harry was using for his milk. “How are they?”

Harry stretches his limbs lazily and stifles a yawn. Then, he scratches the back of his neck distractedly and says, “Dunno... old.”

Maura casts him a stern look and tuts, Niall can't help but cackle a little.

Soon enough, Anne joins them for a quick cuppa, and she takes Harry away with her before Niall has any real chance to talk to him.

For the rest of the weekend Niall doesn't hear from Zayn or Harry.

  
  


  
  


On Monday Harry doesn't turn up to school. Apparently, he's at the dentist because of a toothache, or at least that's what Liam tells Niall when he asks.

Zayn, meanwhile, avoids him like the plague, and Niall still doesn't know how to feel about this. He catches glimpses of him here and there, and to be fair Zayn does look sad. Mostly he looks alone and, part of Niall wants to reach out and say, “Hey it's fine, don't sit on your own, you can sit next to me.”

But there's another part which is still vowing for revenge, so he reckons that if Zayn were to sit next to him in class right now, his whole body would tense and that would make things even worse.

He feels the boy's absence in his bones, though. He's become so used to Zayn's presence for the past weeks that now he feels oddly abandoned. He finds himself aching to tell him little details that happen in his day, things that Zayn had been really eager to listen to before. But now he isn't there, and Niall knows that if he were to share any of these things with Louis or Liam, it wouldn't be quite the same. Secretly, he misses the attention as well; but he won’t let himself admit that.

However Niall doesn't let himself be too bothered by the absence of the two boys and tries to enjoy his time with Louis and Liam instead.

It feels nice to finally spend some time with them. It's been ages since they’ve last hung out, and even in Harry's absence it feels like it used to, with Liam and Niall hanging onto Louis' every word as he tells a crazy story that ‘happened to him the other day’. They know better, because the older boy has a tendency to exaggerate his stories a little bit. However, with Louis, it isn't so much about what he says, but more about how he says it. It's the way he waves his arms around wildly, his face constantly switching from sadness, to surprise, to excitement... to the point where he starts to look rather insane. It's the way he modulates his voice; the way of making sure he adds a cliffhanger here and there. This has Liam and Niall in fits of laughter, leaning forward in their chairs as they share amused looks, internally saying: _what the fuck_? and Louis... Louis looks so glad. Glad for all the attention he is getting, glad to be around his best friends, glad to see Niall smile, at last.

Niall lets himself be wrapped by the familiarity of it; by the calming effect of their laughter, and for once, life doesn't seem so hard anymore.

  
  


Tuesday comes and Niall finally sees Harry again. Once again the younger boy is late, but somehow he manages to persuade the teacher to let him in. He walks into the room without a care in the world. He flops down on an empty chair and proceeds to gather his shit out of his backpack, excruciatingly slow and not even bothering to be quiet, as if he wasn't interrupting a lesson in the first place.

The teacher narrows his eyes a little , but doesn't mention it, and Niall finds himself once again trying to stifle a chuckle.

  
  


They haven't talked nor settled things between them yet but Niall reckons sleeping cuddled up with each other has changed things dramatically. They aren't on speaking terms yet, so there hasn't been any significant progress, and Niall isn't too sure of where they stand right now. But at least there's a strange sense of peace flowing between them; a shared knowledge that they are not half as mad at each other as they pretend to be – the promise that they will talk things through, eventually.

Nevertheless, Harry chooses to isolate himself at lunch time. Niall, who has put his backpack on the floor and left the chair next to his vacant, feels his guts drop a little when Harry, ignoring this, walks past them and sits with other kids from their year.

It hurts a little, but Niall, ignoring the pounding thoughts in his head, decides not to hold it against him. Sure, this was a peace offering; it was Niall offering him a good chance to try to put things behind them. But Niall guesses maybe it’s for the best. Maybe they _do_ need a little _tête à tête,_ to talk things through properly and _alone_. Yeah, that's definitely a better plan than sitting with Liam and Louis and pretend that nothing has happened – than to let things go unresolved.

  
  


Niall suspects the time spent with Liam and Louis may have somehow helped him replenish his spirit, because he feels totally different than the way he felt on Friday.He doesn’t want to lay in bed and hide under his blankets anymore – he is overcome with an urge, some sort of sudden energy that makes him want to do something, to make things right again.

He finds his opportunity at the end of the school day. Liam and Niall are walking towards the exit, both deep in thought, whereas Harry and Louis are walking a couple of steps ahead of them.

Niall has spent the last two lessons thinking about a way to approach Harry after school. Unfortunately in the end, it doesn’t go as smoothly as he’d planned. Clenching and unclenching his fists inside the pockets of his coat, he takes a deep breath and grabs Harry's arm as Harry ends his conversation with Louis, ready to go home.

Harry jumps a little, slightly startled; his eyes wide with bewilderment and his eyebrows riding high into his hair line. Niall clears his throat. He lifts his snapback, scratching lazily at his scalp before putting it back on, very aware that all of his friends are looking at him expectantly.

“Want to walk home together?”

  
  


Harry bites at the corner of his bottom lip and looks hesitant until Louis shoves him towards Niall’s direction, making him stumble a little. He regains his balance with a humph and peers down at Niall, who lowers his eyes to the ground.

Louis clicks his tongue, and Harry turns to him, eyes narrowed, “I'll call you later,” he says stiffly.

  
  


Niall and Harry fall into step together, a safe distance between them as they walk in an extremely awkward silence. It feels as if their steps are too loud, their breaths too shaky, their hands too sweaty - it's a sense of hyper-awareness that makes Niall cringe. This isn't going as he was expecting. He rubs his face, and stops abruptly, and chooses his words carefully. “Look," He starts, "we don't have to do this if you don't want to, okay? You can take another way or whatever, just don't feel obligated.” And, _god,_ even his voice sounds inadequate right now.

Harry makes a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. He puts all his weight in one foot, hip jutting out slightly and says, “It's not that,” then breaking his stare from Niall's, he adds, “I just don't really know where to start.”

Niall looks sideways as well, hands tucked deep in his jean pockets and body swaying slightly. He wonders where to start, as well, because, _damn,_ they have loads of stuff to talk about. The text comes to his mind - the text, Zayn and Harry's secret meeting... “Well," He finally says, "remember the text you sent me the other day? What happened there?”

Harry wrinkles his nose as tension turns thick in the air. He stumbles over his words, awkwardly, “Erhmm about that, I just...”

As Harry seems to be racking his brains for something to say, the blond cuts him off, “Before you lie to me, I'd let you know that Zayn told me that you two met up in the park to talk.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but then he backtracks and frowns in confusion, “He did _what_!?”

Niall watches him, trying to guess what's going on in his mind. Suddenly a passer-by jostles into him roughly, his legs wobble slightly and he stumbles on his feet. Harry palms his waist to stabilize him and gives him a push to coax him to walk again.

They keep moving, ambling around for a while, hands deep in their pockets. At some point Niall looks at his feet and admits, “He told me that he asked you to leave me alone.”

Harry clenches his teeth and with a grimace, he lets out a breathy laugh which mostly sounds bitter. Breezily, he says: “Amongst other things”

“I asked, but he wouldn’t tell what else he said,” Niall's tone carries a thinly-veiled question, but Harry just shakes his head and heaves a sigh.

“What does it matter now, anyway?”

Niall's eyes shoot up to him. He slows down his steps and lingers on the spot reluctantly. Then, he turns to face the taller boy and he touches Harry's wrist _ the touch so light that it's barely there. “It matters to me.” He breaths out.

Harry looks away. He clears his throat and doesn’t give a reply.

When he looks at Niall again, the blond comes to realize that Harry’s left with no words to speak. Niall smiles anyway. He says, “At least I want to apologize on his behalf.”

Harry's lip lifts at the corner swiftly. He shifts his weight to his other leg and crosses his arms over his chest.“It's not your fault,” he points out, nibbling at his finger. He looks like he’s mulling over something in his mind. After a short while he tuts and reluctantly forces out, “ He... he came to me today. At lunch. He apologized. Um, Zayn, I mean.”

Niall looks at him, bewildered. He feels a funny something in his stomach, his voice slightly raspy when he mutters, “Really?”.

Harry turns around and resumes their stroll again. Adamantly, Niall follows him.

He wants to pry off, he is dying to get as much information as he can, but Harry talks again, his whole body tense as he spits out the words.

“I don't like him, Niall. I don't think I ever will. But he was honest. He gave me his reasons and I suppose he's not as bad as I made him out to be.” As Harry talks, Niall takes in Harry's jutted jaw, the upturn of his nose, his white knuckles..He’s talking slower than usual, if that's even possible, and Niall has a feeling that Harry would rather not be having this conversation. “What I mean is, you were so sad the other day, Niall... If it’s somehow related to this, then don't. Just don't stop talking to him because of this. I forgive him, so you can, too.”

They are getting close to Niall's house now. It's just there, around the corner, and they can already see the roof standing tall above the other houses. There are still so many things left unsaid, though...

Harry stops to look at Niall, who shuffles his feet, feeling the tip of his ears getting hot. He ruffles his blond hair in a nervous gesture and finally asks,“Do you… um, would you like to come in?”

Harry bores a gaze into him, his eyes squinting slightly due to the bright sunlight. His Adam apple bobs up and down and he says,“ It's fine if you want to go to talk to Zayn instead, I understand.”

Niall shuffles even more; his face contorts with uneasiness; nose wrinkled and tiny crinkles gather around his eyes.

“I just...” Niall gazes at Harry almost pleadingly; his eyes trying to say what his mouth doesn’t dare to utter. It doesn't work, though. So he tilts his head slightly to the side, and struggles to say, “I'd like to spend time with you, if that's okay?”

 

_ **Louis POV.  
** _

_ **N:A: This happens simultaniously with Niall's POV.  
** _

 

On Monday Louis is pissed off with himself.

He's trying hard, really _._ But he can't help himself. Everywhere he goes, he catches a glimpse of Zayn: Zayn alone, Zayn stealing yearning glances at Niall, Zayn's mournful expression... just Zayn being miserable, full stop.

He wants to ignore it, because really, he hates the kid. However, the bastard is in every fucking _place,_ looking like a lost puppy. And Louis has to force himself to keep walking, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, knowing that for this time, he should take a step back and mind his own business.

 

Later that day, Liam unlocks his front door and they walk inside his house. Conveniently, Liam's father, Geoff, is in the hall, about to leave.

“Hey guys!”

Geoff straightens his white shirt and smiles at his son who nods his head in greeting, looking slightly uneasy. Geoff checks his wallet, making sure he's got everything with him and looking at Liam, asks, “Have you gotten the results of the exams you took last week?”

Louis and Liam stand next to each other somewhat awkwardly, Louis’ presence yet to be acknowledged by Geoff.

“No, Dad.”

Finally, Geoff eyes shift and fall on Louis, who straightens up promptly.

“Louis...” He says then, voice full of contempt, “How are you doing?”

“School’s fine, thank you.”

The mockery in his voice seems to go unnoticed by Geoff, who questions, “Are you still failing maths this year?”

Louis grits his teeth, thinking, _what an arse_ , but still puts on his most genuine smile as he answers, “Yes, sir.”

Geoff laughs. He fucking _laughs_ in his face, and disdainfully says, “Well, Liam is getting top scores in that subject, with all the time you spend with my son, it could rub off on you.”

Louis humphs indignantly as Geoff turns his back to them to put on his coat. Louis' chest heaves a little; his eyes squinting as he flips Liam's father off, feeling pretty smug about it. Liam's eyes widen and he waves his arms wildly to get Louis to stop. Geoff turns again, missing Louis' gesture by milliseconds. Liam lets out a relieved sigh and wipes the sweat off his brow.

“Well, guys, I'm gonna get going, don't procrastinate too much.”

With this, he sneers at Louis one last time and turns to leave. Once he's gone, Louis glares at the door and groans.

“Could you remind me exactly why we chose to come to your house?”

Liam lets out an amused smile as Louis stands there, gaze still fixed on the door, mouth slightly agape.“Cos Lottie’s boyfriend was coming over to your house and, I quote, “We don’t want to see his ugly mug.”

Louis’ scowls deepens, and he tries to put aside the mental image of Lottie kissing the punk he's got for a boyfriend. He curses a little under his breath and, still incredulous, he grunts, “ _God_ , he's getting so obvious that it's not even funny anymore”

Liam looks at him, worrying his bottom lip a little. He steps closer to Louis and cups his face with his big hands.

“I know, Lou, I'm so sorry.”

Louis, takes his eyes away from the door, and looks at Liam slightly surprised; they are so close. However, as their eyes meet, Liam jumps, startled, as if he's been burned. He releases Louis' chin and heads up the stairs in a rush. Just as he is about to disappear from Louis' sight he calls over his shoulder.

“We are alone, so if you are hungry, just help yourself”

Louis sighs and follows him upstairs.

“Have you brought your Maths textbook? I can help you out with that problem you didn’t get..”

“Nah, I can't be arsed,”Louis flops himself on Liam’s bed, whose jaw twitches a little in disturbance when his friend doesn’t bother to take off his shoes.

“But...”

Louis rolls his eyes pointedly, and cuts him before he can say anything else.

“Have you seen Zayn today?”

Liam seems a little taken aback. He furrows his eyebrows and nods his head. Louis looks at him sort of warily and adds, “He looked sort of... lonesome, didn't he?”

Liam grimaces and mouths a silent _what._ However when he sees the impatience in Louis face, he concedes, “Um, I don’t know, I suppose so… But isn’t he friends with that Danny guy??

Louis thinks about it. Yeah, Zayn sometime hangs out with Danny, however most of the time the other boy would be too busy chasing after his girlfriend. Louis shakes his head, and shifts on the bed to a sitting position. He looks up at Liam who is still standing, slightly hovering over him.

“Yeah, but he spends most of his time on his girlfriend, so he doesn’t exactly count as a close friend.”

Liam doesn't answer to that. Instead, he scrutinizes Louis for a while. Finally, he sits beside him on the bed, and, after what seems like an eternity, he asks:

“Louis, you aren't going to stick your nose into this, too, right?”

Louis purses his mouth and scratches the back of his neck, looking apologetic]. Liam rubs the bridge of his nose as he hears his friend start with, “Actually, I was thinking that maybe…”

Louis doesn't get to finish his sentence because Liam cuts him off, exasperated, “Fuck's sake, Lou! Do you always have to get in trouble? Just stay away from this!”

“But...”

Liam shifts his body to face Louis, one of his legs curling on the mattress. Louis imitates him and sits cross legged on the bed, facing him as well. Liam stares at him and warns, “No buts, mister. Stay-Away-From-This.”

Louis crosses his arms squarely across his chest, he lets out a puff of air that sends his fringe flying in a cute way.

“You are no fun,” he groans. But, when Liam gives him a stern glance, he throws his hands up in the air in surrender. “Fine!”

 

 

Louis is REALLY mad at himself, but he just can't help it.

On Tuesday, when he goes to the cafeteria to have a quick coffee before the first lesson starts, he spots Zayn sitting alone at one of the tables, nursing a cup of coffee. 

Louis looks sideways, heaves a sigh and actually curses before he starts walking in his direction and sits on the chair opposite to him. Louis greets him, his voice a mere grunt, doing nothing to hide his displeasure. “Hey there.”

Zayn hums awkwardly in response, shifting on his chair. His dark eyes are fixed on him, extremely wary.

Louis sort of wants to mock him for this, but instead holds back a sassy comment before saying, “So, dude. I’ll admit that I'm not your biggest fan. You hurt Niall, and you hurt Harry, and that's usually enough reason for me to want to break your legs in two. But, for some odd reason, I find myself really curious about what you may have to say in your defense.”

Zayn peers down at him, blinking a couple of times. He looks sideways and makes a confused face, “Erhmm, what?”

Louis tuts, running slightly out of patience, and decides to go straight to the point. “You've got a nerve, asking Harry to stay away from Niall.”

Zayn snorts; his eyes boring into the surface of the table as he shakes his head slightly with tiny disbelieving smile. “What would you have done?” He asks.

Louis is caught off guard, and he hates it. He likes to be the one in control, _and_ he's here doing this prick a favor so _he's not going to have any of this. S_ o, he just shrugs his shoulders harshly and hisses, “Obviously, not that!”

Zayn runs his fingers through his hair and rests his head in his hands. He looks kind of desperate when he spits out,“I know I screwed up, okay!? I was just so sick of him. He's fucking everywhere! It's like...” Zayn shakes his head and starts again. “He is never with us, but he manages to appear in every fucking conversation! It' so frustrating that I... I just _can't._ ”

Louis stares at him, mouth agape and he tries to figure out who Zayn is angrier with right now: at Harry, at Niall or at himself. However, his thoughts are interrupted when Zayn croaks, “I just want him back.”

The sincerity that wavers in his eyes and voice kind of moves Louis. _Kind of._ He clicks his tongue and rubs his eye. He quickly reminds himself, _I hate this kid,_ and then he says, “If you want Niall, you have to accept the whole package, mate. Just like the rest of us had to do at some point.” He says “Harry is a good guy. It took him some time but he's got his shit together now; he won’t get in between as long as you make Niall happy. And...” - _God,_ how he hates to admit this _-_ “You do seem to make Niall happy.”

 

Zayn takes a sip at his coffee, and burns his tongue. He cringes and puts the cup again on the table. Louis wishes he has a cup of coffee for himself as well, just to have something to do with his hands.

 

“Not the other day, though,” Zayn groans. Again he looks frustrated - a sort of desperation in his dark eyes. Now it is obvious that he is angry at himself. In fact, he seems to be beating himself so much over it that, for this time, Louis decides to go easy on him.

“Yeah, mate. He told me... That was not very wise.” Louis replies.

They stay quiet for a couple of minutes, just watching people come in and out, ordering their coffees and yawning profusely. Finally, Zayn breaks the silence. “It seems like I have some apologizing to do.” He mumbles darkly.

Louis agrees and nods his head. A smile tugs at Zayn's lips. It's tiny and barely there, but, but Louis senses the sincerity behind it. “Thanks Louis, you are a good lad.”

Louis waves his hands and slumps back further in his chair.“Don't mention it.” He shrugs.

Zayn nods nonchalantly, and Louis leans forward, face serious when he says, “No, seriously, don't mention it, or Liam will kill me.”

 

At lunch time, Louis spots Harry and Zayn talking in one of the corridors, by Harry's locker. Zayn is looking at his hands, speaking in a hushed tone while Harry looks down at him, a slight frown marring his features.

It’s obvious by Harry’s body language that he’s hating every minute of this, and that the all he wants to do is punch Zayn in the guts and walk away. In a way, Zayn’s body language gives out the same kind of aura, but from Louis’ observation, they don’t seem to be doing too bad. Louis can’t decide if he’d rather smile at Zayn’s attempt to initiate peace or hold Zayn still and egg Harry on to beat the shit out of him but he finally settles on feeling, at least, a little bit accomplished, knowing that something good came out of his conversation with Zayn.

However, after the lunch break, as Louis and Liam are heading towards their next lesson, they bump into Harry who is walking hurriedly in the opposite direction - the direction of the school exit.

Liam grabs his wrists to stop him, and with a quirked eyebrow he asks, “Where are you going mate? We've got history in like… three minutes.”

Harry looks slightly out of breath; his chest heaving breaths and his face flushed. He looks completely distressed.

“I'm getting out of here, I can't deal with this right now.”

Louis studies his expression, and quickly says, “Wait, I'll come with you.”

“What!?” Liam exclaims abruptly. Louis gives him a a quick sideways glance and blurts out, “And he is coming too.”

Liam squints his eyes at him, shaking his head as he raises his hands.

“ _No. Fucking. Way_ ”

 

They go to the parking lot, where they know no one will bother them. They sit on the curb of the pavement; the three of them.

Liam is freaking out, looking around with frantic movements as he repeats “oh my god, oh my god…” Louis, on the other hand, seems quite amused, until he remembers why they are there. He looks at his youngest friend with a questioning look and Harry's face twists into a sneer and he spits out,

 

“It's Zayn. he came to me earlier, now he says he is sorry.”

“Fuck's sake Haz, couldn't this wait for later?” Liam groans. However, he shuts up when Louis nudges him, trying his best to look surprised. “Did he?" Asks he, "What happened?”

“I dunno." Harry mumbles in reply, "I wasn't, um, expecting him to apologize or anything.” His knee starts bobbing up and down and he scratches the material of his jeans. “To be honest I just wanted to say him to fuck off.”

Louis smirks knowingly. “But...?”

“But failed miserably,” Harry sighs, as he deflates a little. “I told him that I forgive him. And... I dunno, this might mean that I just gave him consent to steal Niall away from me all over again?” Harry leans his head into his hands and pulls out his hair a little. He sounds constricted when he says. “And, what's fucking worse, now I have to tell Niall.”

He takes a short moment, lets out a disbelieving _fucking hell_ under his breath, and with a fake cheerful tone he says: “I'll be like _Hey Niall, you know? Zayn, he's a great man, and he's just asked me to be his new best friend!_ ” Harry scuffs his foot against the pavement. Stiffly, he adds, “I just don't want to.”

Louis and Liam share a cautious look, not so sure of what to say. But Harry doesn't give them the chance to say anything anyway, because he keeps talking. He sounds crestfallen when he says, “Niall was so sad, though... I bet he’s been crying all weekend for that bas…” Harry bites the inside of his cheek, forcing himself to shut up, “For him.”

“That's true” Liam nods.

“So, I am kind of stuck here, I have to tell him, there's no other way around it...” Harry groans, then he scowls with distaste. “I just... I just don't know why he would come to me now...”

At this, Louis looks at his feet, blushing. Harry doesn't notice, but Liam obviously does because he sends a disbelieving look his way. Louis decides that it is safer to change the topic.

“So, this is it? You and Zayn are going to be friends?”

Harry tenses again, shivering at the idea, categorically says, “No”. Then, after a short moment, he adds, “No, I might have forgiven him, but it's just for Niall's sake.” He shifts a little and grabs his phone to check the time distractedly, then adds, “He told me a lot of things that day. I just…” He turns to look at Liam, “We almost ended up punching each other that day, you know that?”

Liam shakes his head, pursing his lips slightly, as he steals a glance at Louis to gauge a reaction from him. Louis looks highly interested to know more, saying, “Okay...You have got me curious now...”

Harry looks reluctantly at him.

“I wasn't really planning on telling anyone this.”

Louis, though, is having none of it.

“Come on! Your secret is safe with us, we won't tell Niall, right Li?”

Liam rolls his eyes at him, he looks at Harry meaningfully and says, “You don't have to tell us, if you don't want to.”

Harry shrugs, suddenly not giving much thought to it anymore. He exhales deeply and stretches his legs on the pavement.

“He just accused me of something that isn't true,” he starts, “He told me that I was a closeted gay....” At this, he lets out a disbelieving snort as he shakes his head. “...that I wasn't playing a fair play; according to him, I'm in love with Niall, and I use the excuse of being like ‘brothers’ to get my hands all over him.” he spits, his voice full of contempt. “Basically he told me to come out with the true so at least it would be fair, you know? _ so that we could all play under the same conditions.” He looks at Louis with urgency, looking for support, “As if Niall was a game or something!” Harry clears his throat, shrugs dismissively, “It's all solved now, though, so this is sort of irrelevant.”

Louis and Liam are gaping at him. Liam contents himself with letting out a “wow”, but Louis pushes for more, as he always does.

“Do you really love Niall, then?”

Harry doesn’t react the way Niall did, instead he scoffs, looking offended.

“Of course I love Niall.”

Louis rolls his eyes, and probes further.

“You know what I mean.”

“I am not gay,” Harry hisses.

He looks cornered. In fact he reminds Louis of a cornered wild animal ready to charge, looking livid and afraid, too. Louis is ruthless , though. He won't back off, not with Harry who is like a brother. He spits, “That's not what I asked, though.”

Harry seems ready for another charge. His eyes flaring with something dangerous.

“What did you fucking ask, then?”

The tension is escalating very quickly, as the two size each other up, chests heaving with intensifying fury. Harry looks ready to punch Louis, and Louis won't back off, even if he knows he doesn't stand a chance. However, Liam jumps to his feet and tugs Louis off the curb, with so much force that the smaller boy knocks against Liam's chest. Liam grips at Louis' side, looking bigger than he is. Then he drops his grip; he steps in front of Louis, shielding him slightly, and glaring at Harry, he warns, “Enough, you two.” 

Harry and Louis stare at each other, Louis peering slightly over Liam's shoulder. When Louis takes in on how utterly lost Harry looks, his eyes drop to the ground, knowing that he’s fighting a losing battle.

Harry makes a disgruntled noise, and Louis, sighing, steps forward and offers his hand to him, legs wobbling a bit when he tries to help Harry to his feet. The three of them walk back towards the school building, the hard feelings they had on earlier silently vanishing.

 

Once they are back in the classroom Liam leans over towards Louis and whispers in his ear.

“You couldn't just stay away from it, could you?”

Louis tenses a little, the skin of his neck ticklish where Liam's breath had hit him. He turns to looks at him, baffled.

“Zayn!” Liam elaborates, with a scowl. “You had to go and talk to him!”

Louis looks mildly apologetic, and Liam nibbles at his bottom lip and shakes his head, before letting his lips stretch into a fond smile.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it...  
> \- what do you think?  
> \- we saw a little bit more of what happened with harry-zayn..., opinions on what zayn said to harry...  
> -what do you think of Louis feeling sorry for zayn and helping him?  
> -do you think that Niall and Harry do have or are aware that they have feelings towadrs the other?  
> -did harry do the right thing forgiving zayn and telling niall?  
> Most important:  
> -Finally I am really curious; who is your favourite, least favorite character in this story? who do you emphatise more with?  
> _what would you like to see in the near future?  
> I think that the pairing are developed now, like we have seen harry in his lowest and at his best and the same with zayn and now i should like start focusing more in one... who are you rooting for?
> 
> xxxx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! This chapter takes place a month after the last chapter. This is, let's say, a new stage of the fic. After the first introductory 10 chapters now everything starts to develop a little bit more.  
> The chapter is only half betaed, so be ready to see a lot of mistakes (oops) and feel free to point them out so I can change them. (I want to thank the person who half betaed this because she is really amazing).  
> This is from Harry's POV.  
> I really hope you like the turn of the story because I am little nervous about this,  
> Thank you for you nice comments and kudos :)

 

As soon as Harry learns that he has to share the blond now, Niall and Harry fall into an easy routine again.

  
Things have changed a lot in the last month. Now, Niall spends every afternoon with Zayn but, as soon as he gets home, he calls Harry and more often than not the younger boy sleeps there with him. At school, Zayn sits with them in the cafeteria and they sit strategically so that Harry and Zayn can pretend that they are not sharing the same space. As Louis and Harry talk about Harry’s latest conquest, Liam and Niall try to make Zayn feel like he is part of them now, and he is, sort of, not that Harry would admit that out loud, anyway…

 

For his part, Zayn is trying to get Harry to like him and, even if Harry is very aware that his dislike for Zayn is mutual, he reckons that it is convenient for them to try to be friends. For now, though, they feel like they have accomplished something if they manage to spend the whole lunch period without lashing at each other.

 

In a way, Harry feels obligated to get on with Zayn _,_ because, after all, the older boy is trying his best to take a step back when it comes to Harry and Niall; as far as Harry knows, Zayn hasn't said anything about the fact that Harry's toothbrush is right next to Niall's in the blond's bathroom.

 

By now, Harry’s body is almost imprinted on Niall’s bed; he knows how to lay so that the springs and bumps in the mattress don’t poke against his hip bone and he also knows when he has to push Niall away before he starts getting cramps in his arm.

  
They don’t necessarily cuddle, but they don’t mind sneaky arms or heavy legs entwined, either.

 

However, this tranquility last them for a month, and everything gets complicated the night Harry wakes up in the middle of the night with a ravishing erection product of a very rowdy dream about Niall. And gods, this is so embarrassing, because he can't just jerk off in Niall's presence but he definitely has to do something about this. So, in the middle of his desperation, Harry decides to get up as quietly as he can and sort out his little problem in the bathroom; his bare feet cold against the bathroom tiles as he watches the spurts of white come blending with the water that pools in the toilet.

 

To say that it is a shock, it's a understatement. To make it worse he has to share a bed with Niall for the rest of the night and, what if Harry moves in his sleep, and ends up pressed against to him?. How awkward would it be if Niall woke up the next day with Harry's hard cock pressed against his stomach?

 

Harry doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night; his mind repeats over and over, what the fuck?, but as soon as he tries to properly analyze what has just happened he ends up at the verge of hyperventilating. In the end, he decides to blame it on Louis, for instilling weird ideas in his brain. He feels a little more at ease with that idea and for the time being he contents himself with it, afraid to delve further into the problem.

 

After that night he tells himself that he won’t sleep with Niall ever again and, when he finally announces to the blond that he can’t sleep there tonight, his face falls a little and Harry wills himself not to give in to Niall’s pleading eyes. Instead, Harry stays at Niall’s until very late, trying to somehow make it up to him, and only leaves when his eyelids start feeling way too heavy.

  
Then, he proceeds to walk the couple of streets that separate his and Niall’s houses; the cold gusts of wind waking him up so that, whenhe finally makes it to his own bed, he spends the first ten minutes shivering; teeth chattering violently as he tries to remember when his own bed became so uncomfortable.

 

After a week or so, Harry runs out of excuses to avoid sleeping at Niall's and when it gets dark and Niall asks him if he is going home, Harry just shrugs halfheartedly, mumbles a “Yeah” and tries to ignore the questioning look on Niall's face.

 

 

 

Harry swiftly removes his t-shirt and carelessly discards it on the floor. He leans down on the bed and lets himself be engulfed by creamy thighs. He kisses jutting collarbones and in between rounded breasts. He makes sure no patch of skin is left untouched and digs his hips deeper with a grunt. He isn't in a rush. To him, sex is an art and he likes to worship the bodies of all those girls who come to him like moths to flames. Their bodies rock together in a panting, sweating mess and as Harry is about to reach his climax; on those three or four seconds before he finally orgasms, when everything clouds in his mind and he has no control over his thoughts, Niall comes to his mind. It's frustrating and it's a trigger; he comes right there. He keeps thrusting lazily in and out for as long as he can, before his arms collapse. Then he finishes the girl off with his fingers because he's never been selfish when it comes to sex.

 

He's never been a cuddler. But he normally lets them catch their breath for a while. He likes to walk them to the door and ask them if they want a glass of water, or maybe a shower. He tries to make them feel special, as well, so he racks his brains to remember their names and this is usually enough to bring a smile to their faces. He watches them go, and tries to stock in his memory those faces he knows he won't be seeing again. After that, he flops down on his bed, and sleeps.

 

 

 

Harry wakes up from his nap to the sound of his phone. He grunts and curses before he scrambles out of his bed. He reaches out to find the _light switch_ , _feeling_ his way around, _blindly_. The room still smells funny from before, so he opens the window, even though it's freezing outside.

 

Finally he checks the phone and he's tempted to ignore the call; to let it ring until Des finally gives up. But, Harry knows that if Des doesn't get a hold of him he'll try calling his mother and this usually ends up in tears and a lot of shouting. So, shivering from the cold Harry decides to accept the call; with one hand he grabs the phone and at the same time he hops on his feet pathetically trying to put on his sweatpants. Suddenly, Des chirps in, “Hey Harry, how are you doing mate?”

 

Harry cringes. _Mate._

“I'm fine”

 

The last time they spoke was about two weeks ago when Harry refused to visit his father because, yet again, he was “too busy with school”. However, it wasn't true and he's pretty sure that Des knows it as well. It just sounded more polite than saying, _Hey, I kind of heavy dislike you, and don't want to see your face._ It's silly, he knows, to hold a grudge against your father for so long; he can't help it, though and he's tried before.

 

  
Harry remembers how, when he was younger, he would visit Des once a month. He would watch Des interacting with his stepbrother and stepsister, and wonder how Des could pay more attention to the children of another man than to his own son. At a very early age, Harry learned what was to hate. He hated the people who had stolen his father away from him. He hated his father for making his mother so miserable, and he hated Robin as well, for trying to take his father’s place.

 

Harry's trail of thoughts is promptly interrupted by Des, who asks, “How is your mother doing?”

 

He always asks. In fact their conversations seem to be scripted. Harry greets his teeth and tries to keep a cool head, because probably Des just wants to be polite. Even so, Harry wants to snap, _what do you care?, You lost the right to ask a long ago,_ instead he settles for, “She's cool”.

 

Normally, Des would make a comment or two about Manchester United last match, even though Harry hates football. Then he'd make an excuse about how busy he is and they would say their goodbyes. Today, though, the script is different.

 

“ Mandy's birthday is at the end of next week, I was wondering if you'd like to come.”

 

No, he doesn't. Mandy is his half-sister. His sister… yeah, whatever. She's three years old and Harry has only seen her two times in his life. He should feel more attached to her, because they share blood and stuff, but he just can't find it in him to love this child.

 

However, whenever Des calls him he talks about her a lot. It's always Mandy did this, Mandy did that and Harry can feel his guts twist a little even after all this time.

 

Des always tells Harry that Mandy wants to see him, even though that can't be truth, because she probably can't remember his face. Harry decides that this is just Des trying to reconcile his two separate lives.

 

Harry's been quiet for a while, and Des can definitely sense that he's going to turn his offer down, because he softly adds, “Please, just think about it, she's your sister, and you barely know each other. She doesn’t need to pay for my mistakes.”

 

Harry feels a pang in his heart. He never actually talks with Des; not like this, and he doesn't know if Des is expecting him to deny the last thing he said, but he doesn't want to. He just stays quiet until Des sighs and asks, “Will you come?”

 

“I'll think about it, okay?”

 

He won't.

 

When he puts the phone down, he tries not to think about it too much, but it's 8 o´clock pm, his house is empty and, as he sits on the couch he's overcome with a sense of guilt, worry, and stress.

 

He hasn't actually seen his father in 8 months, and Harry thinks that if he hadn’t photos of him he would probably have forgotten his face by now.

 

It hurts and, if Harry could have it his way, he would cut out all contact; it's not that they have much contact anyway, but the few they have only makes things harder. His father calls once every two weeks, always on Mondays and always at the wrong times as if he forgot that Harry has school or that he sometimes helps his younger neighbor with his maths for a tenner. It's mostly awkward small talk where they pretend they care for a short while and the worst part is that Harry still partly does. It helps Des to clear his conscience and as much as Harry says that he doesn't give a shit, he still makes sure he has the phone with him on Mondays, just in case.

 

Harry refuses to just sit there, alone and miserable. His mother and Robin are out with friends and they won't be back until late, and, yeah, it's a school day, but man, he needs a pint or two, so he picks up the phone and calls Josh.

 

He goes to his wardrobe, and grabs a checkered shirt to wear over his white plain t- shirt, he changes his sweatpants for some dark skinny jeans and ruffles his curls. Finally, he sprays on some cologne and checks himself out on the mirror; he's ready.

 

 

The awkwardness between Niall and Harry only comes the moment when, late at night, Harry puts on his shoes and walks towards the door. Otherwise, Harry and Niall are as close as they have ever been.

 

Harry tells Niall about the girls he has sex with. He tells him about his parties and about getting a tattoo with the guys from the band. Niall talks about the possibility of Liam and Louis getting together at some point ( Harry gasps, _wow, really?),_ he talks about this new song he's learned to play with his guitar, and he talks about Zayn.

 

However, Niall always forgets to tell him that he and Zayn hook up every once in a while. He doesn't mention the reason why sometimes, when Harry goes to his house to hang out with him, Niall's blond hair is ruffled and disheveled, or why there's a hickey on his neck and his voice is slightly scratchy. But Harry reckons that is alright, because he is keeping things from Niall as well.

 

He's not telling him, for example, the fact that sometimes he dreams with him. How in those dreams Niall's always sprawled under him, his head thrown backwards, and his neck exposed just enough for Harry to nibble at it. He also omits that lately he's been picturing him in his mind when he is having sex with somebody else.

 

It only happens in his dreams, or when he's climaxing; always when he has no control over his thoughts.

 

Harry isn't necessarily in love with Niall (he doesn't think so anyway). He just fantasizes about him sometimes. That's not a big deal, because at this point in his life, Harry is sure that he has fantasized about pretty much everyone: his teacher, Louis' mother, Liam's sister...

 

However it is a surprise that this is a boy, and that, to top it all off, it's Niall. He isn't ready to think about it too much yet, and when he does he's overcome by an unsettling feeling of vertigo, so he just resignedly jerks off when he wakes up in the middle of the night with an aching hard on, and learns to forget about it soon enough.

 

There are a lot of things that Niall and Harry still avoid talking about, probably because they sense that the things left unsaid might bring up some questions marks that Harry isn't ready to answer and that Niall isn't ready to hear. So, for now, they let things settle.

 

Whenever the the fight comes to conversation, they only mention Zayn's part on it. They talk about the text and about Harry's and Zayn's meeting (Harry's still omits certain parts though). Sometimes they also fleetingly talk about avoiding each other, or not meaning what they said at the party.

 

However they don't delve in the actual reasons of the fight. Harry doesn't openly says _I was jealous_ , and Niall doesn’t ask about it, either.

 

 

 

It's been five days since Harry last slept at Niall's. In those five days Harry has skipped Maddie's birthday but he's celebrated Andy's instead, Andy, who is one of his closest friends in the band. He has spent every single evening lazing around with Niall, too. So far, everything has been going smoothly between them; that's why Harry is surprised when Niall confronts him that day.

 

It's getting late and Harry is putting on his trench and arranging the curls that have escaped his purple beanie. When looks at himself at the full length mirror he sees Niall standing behind him; their eyes meeting on the glassy surface.

 

“It's late... you know you can stay, right?” Niall says tentatively. Harry looks at him and senses that there's something really delicate about this situation. He forces himself to look away and says,“It's fine, I don't have my pajamas here, anyway.”

 

Niall's jaw twitches ever so slightly, he offers, “You can borrow my...”

 

However, he's interrupted by Harry who retorts, “Your clothes don't fit me.”

 

With this, he thinks he's won this battle. However, Niall doesn't give in an inch; his voice sounds strained when he asks, “Everything is fine between us, right Harry?”

 

At this, Harry turns over and reaches for him with something close to urgency; the need to touch almost suffocating. He cups Niall's face; his thumb caressing the younger boy's cheek, who drops his eyes to the floor. They are so close that when Harry speaks he only needs to whisper, “Of course we are fine, Nialler.”

 

Niall moves his head, kind of shrinking away from Harry's touch. When he looks up, Harry's heart is taken by surprise.

 

He could lean, and he would be just... there. He could, but he can't, if that makes sense. Can't because, fuck's sake, this is Niall, how weird would that be? Would Niall slap him like in the movies?

 

Harry shakes his head, slightly startled when Niall confesses, “I like to sleep with you.”

 

Harry's stomach flutters with something warm; something close to fondness because Niall manages to make such a sentence sound cute and innocent when in someone else mouth it would sound like a sexual innuendo. However, Harry knows that Niall is saying just what he said, no further words implied and there's sincerity behind the words, a raw simplicity, that sort of scares Harry.

 

It scares him, _god,_ it does, but it also awakens something in Harry that he didn't know that was there, a sheer necessity to kiss Niall.

 

He takes a couple of steps away, not trusting his own actions. He needs to clear his mind. However, Niall misreads his actions and looks panicked at him. “Oh no!” Niall exclaims quickly, waving his arms around. “I didn't mean it like that, Haz!” he shakes his head, frustrated and curses under his breath.

 

“I know, Niall.”

 

The tension in the room is so tangible now that every time it gets harder to breath. Harry walks closer to Niall and encircles his tiny waist with his arms, bringing the blond flush against his own body. With a hushed voice, he finally admits, “I, um, I love to sleep with you, too.”

 

Niall nuzzles his face in the crook of Harry's neck, nosing along the soft skin and breathing sharply through his nose. He whispers, “Then..., just stay.”

 

Harry takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes tightly, too frustrated with this situation. He runs his hand up and down the length of Niall's back, soothingly. Then he kisses his temple and quietly says, “I can't.”

 

Niall deflates in his arms; he disentangles himself and looks at Harry confused. He composes himself a little, nodding his head at the same time, and, just like that the moment is lost and Niall starts acting guarded and cold towards him.

 

“I'm sorry. We will talk about this, okay? I'll make it up to you...” Harry promises.

 

Niall, however, doesn't seem interested.  He just shrugs and forces a smile, “Sure, Harry,” He mutters, “whatever.”

 

Harry frowns but takes this as his cue to leave.

 

This time though, Harry can't just shrug the whole thing aside, not when it's obviously starting to affect Niall as well.

 

He knows that something has changed in the way he feels towards Niall. However he doesn't know what is exactly different. He doesn't like boys and the simple thought of physically being with a boy grosses him out. But, when he dreams about Niall, well, he isn't exactly disgusted...

 

And, to be honest, if this was any other person, he would have probably done something about it already because Harry is pretty reckless when it comes to certain things; he doesn't like to beat around the bush. If he feels attracted to someone he just goes for it, and if this time that someone happens to be a boy, well, that doesn't matter, Harry is quite open minded to fuss over something like that.

 

However, _this is_ Niall, and he can't exactly “try him out” and throw him away if he doesn't like it, but he can't ignore this any further, either, if he wants to have a healthy friendship with Niall.

 

 

 

So the next day he decides to talk to Liam and Louis, ready to groan and ramble a lot, with the hope that they will help him elucidate a plan without laughing too much at him in the process.

 

They gather at Harry's because his house is usually empty, ( Anne and Robin always like to go out and see friends after work). Louis is munching on some Walkers on one of the couches. More precisely, he is sitting on the arm of the couch and leaning his weight ever so slightly against Liam, who sits by his side, pointedly staring at the older boy whenever he gets Walker crumbs all over his flannel shirt.

 

Harry tells them about the last week occurrences, stumbling a little over his words as he admits to having “inappropriate dreams” and pointedly shooting daggers at Louis when he asks for the details.

 

Louis, who looks at him with impatience, and Harry knows he's about to spit a “talk a little faster, you fucker”, but how can he voice his thoughts when they are such a rambling mess? He can't exactly explain something that he doesn't understand, so it's only natural if the words come out slowly or if his trail of thoughts is abruptly interrupted.

 

By the end of his monologue, the boys seem as confused as he is.

 

“So wait” Liam says. “Erhm, do you like Niall or what?”

 

Harry groans and feels like pulling out his hair. He nibbles a little at his knuckles because, have they been listening to him at all?

 

“I really don't know” Harry stops and throws a cushion right in Louis face, “And you, quit that stupid smile, will you?”

 

Louis beams even more and Harry squints his eyes.

  
“Okay, wait, let me get this right.” Liam gets up from his place and Louis, who has been leaning his weight against him, sort of plops down in the space Liam was previously occupying. Liam then starts pacing back and forth in front of Harry, as if he was a lawyer and Harry was accused of some charge.

 

“So, you and Niall have been sleeping on the same bed for a month, right?”  Liam stops to look at Harry, who leans his elbows against his knees and nods his head.

 

“And you have been having, um, let's say naughty dreams?” Liam adds.

 

At this, Louis chuckles, his eyes squinted and twinkling with laughter. Zayn and Liam glare at him and he raises his hands defensively, “Common, naughty? You are being ridiculous!”

 

Liam ignores Louis and his attention drifts to Harry again.

 

“And now, you are afraid to sleep with him because..”

 

“Because he's afraid he'll poke his beautiful blue eyes out with his hard dick.” Louis quips. Then he falls backwards on the couch, holding his own stomach, and shaking with laughter.

 

“Will you stop?” Harry spits out at him, mortified.

 

“Ignore that he is here.” Liam says, “I dunno man, maybe you should talk to him about this, or something.”

 

“I just wish there was a way to figure out if there is something between us, or if I am confused and we are just meant to be friends.”

 

Harry looks at Liam, almost pleadingly. Liam sits on the couch and mirrors Harry's posture. Louis interrupts their thoughts when he blurts out, “Take him out on a date.”

 

Harry looks at him incredulous, and Louis just shrugs, “What?, Go big or go home, mate.”

 

Harry cringes just at the thought; he rolls his eyes and exasperatedly says,“That's the most ridiculous idea you've ever...”

 

But he's interrupted mid-sentence when Liam declares,“Actually, it isn't that stupid.”

 

Harry shifts his eyes between the two of them, eyebrows arched and his expression unimpressed.

 

“Are you even listening to yourselves? How would I take him on a date? Do I have to remind you that this is Niall and that he is fucking Zayn?”

 

“I think it's the other way around.” Louis points out.

 

Harry shakes his head, trying to get rid of the disturbing mental image. He mutters, “Whatever” before he takes a deep breath and adds “He's with Zayn, whether he admits it or not. He doesn’t like me that way and I am not even sure I like him that way.”

 

“He's taking things slowly with Zayn,” Louis says “taking things slow” he repeats, this time punctuating every word, “if you take things slow with someone it's because you are not sure about how you feel about them, right?. When you know that you love someone, you do whatever it takes to be with them” he takes a moment to steal a glance at Liam before he adds “Zayn is dying to be with Niall, you know? like properly be with him. Niall is obviously the one who is having doubts, and if there is a moment to attack, this is it, mate.”

 

Harry looks at him, and lets himself contemplate the idea. He rubs his eyes and says,“I really don't know, guys.”

 

“It doesn't have to be a candlelight and roses sort of date. It's just you and Niall. I am sure you can think of a date that will, you know, fit your situation. You don't have to push it; ask him out for dinner and try to clear things up... just do whatever you are comfortable with ” Liam says.

 

Harry scrutinizes him, and asks,“ Do you honestly think that this will work?”

 

They look at each other for a while, and Liam finally retorts, “I think that it doesn't hurt to try.”

 

When they take a look at Louis, he's staring at Liam. His eyes full of mixed emotions: awe, incredulity, hurt...

 

 

 

 

Niall and Harry are watching TV in Niall's room. They are sprawled on the bed, Niall in a sitting position; legs crossed and laptop on his lap, and Harry laying on his chest, head propped up on his hand.

 

It's been two days since Harry spoke to Louis and Liam and he still hasn't found the courage to put the plan to work. It's just...madness. It's a huge step and a huge risk. And now that Liam and Louis know, he feels that he can't back off. He doesn't want to back off, anyway, but he isn't too sure if he wants to go forward. It's so scaring, and embarrassing in a way he can't even explain.

 

He knows that he can go back to fucking strangers and jerking off to Niall's image, or he can grow a pair and actually ask for a date and see what happens from there. It wouldn't be a date, though. They are not strangers who want to know each other or a tacky enamored couple. This is not an excuse to get Niall drunk with wine and get into his pants later. No; they are Harry and Niall and this is just something they need to do, mere bureaucracy, you may say. That doesn't make it any less awkward, though.

 

Harry startles a little when he feels Niall's cold hand sprawl against the little of his back and he looks backwards at him, smiling.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” the blond asks, “you are quiet.”

 

Harry takes comfort in the thought that whatever happens, the blonde will probably still be willing to be his friend, so he turns over and sits in front of Niall, blocking his sight from the television, buy, hey, he wasn't even paying attention to it in the first place.

 

Their sock-cladded feet bump together and Harry, with his heart in his throat, asks, “Um, Ni? Why don't we...like, dunno, grab some dinner tomorrow night?”

 

Niall beams at him and closes the lid of his laptop to pay him full attention, “Yeah, sure,” he smiles, “your mum and Robin are coming as well, my mother is going to cook us burritos.”

 

Harry curses inwardly. He thinks, _code red, time to abort mission._ His cheeks flame up with mortification and he can feel his guts twist with nerves. However, he elaborates, “Actually I was thinking of going to … dunno like a restaurant or something, like, um, only the two of us.” He looks away fleetingly and adds, “ I'll let you pick the place.”

 

Niall beams instantly. Excitedly, he asks, “ Nandos? Would you take me to Nandos?

 

And he looks so sweet that Harry thinks, _I'd take you anywhere._ He can't believe Niall is actually agreeing. This has been way easier than he anticipated, and Harry can't really believe that it's happening. He wants to ask _, really?, why would you say yes?, what about Zayn?,_ but he doesn't want to push his look, or sound insecure, either.

 

“I'll pick you up, okay? “ Harry says as confirmation “I'll be driving Robin's car.”

 

Niall actually looks surprised at this, “Are you sure?” The blond asks, “We can just take a bus or something?”

 

It makes sense, the question. The center is like 15 minutes away, and it is usually packed with cars, and parking gets impossible. But Harry wants to be at least a tiny bit conventional about this, so he insists, “No, no , I'll drive.”

 

Harry actually makes an effort. He chooses the pair of skinny jeans he knows that fit him better.

 

He wears his favorite shirt and spends a little bit longer than usual with his hair.

 

He is nervous. Kind of. This is all so new to him, because he doesn't do dates. And certainly he doesn't do dates with best friends. However, he knows that he has to do this. He needs to know what is going on. He needs to be honest with himself if he doesn't want to risk his friendship with Niall and his own sanity.

 

He doesn't want things to be complicated, not with Niall, and if this is what it takes, then here he goes; _go big or go home._

 

Niall hasn't dressed up or anything, he notices. It isn't that he doesn't look good, because Niall is not exactly hard on the eye, but he's wearing the same clothes he'd wear to school and, for a moment, Harry wonders if Niall got this right, if Niall knows that this is kind of a date.

 

Suddenly, he feels ridiculous; standing there by his car in his blazer and his nicest pair of shoes, but then Niall gives him a lingering look; eyes roaming up and down his body appreciatively before he smiles and says “Wow, you look good, mate.”

 

Harry's heart hammers in his chest and he blushes a little. He shrugs off the compliment and tries to say _so you do,_ or _you look really nice_ , _too. B_ ut the words get struck in his throat. He's used to compliment girls all the time, but he can't find it in himself to compliment his best friend without embarrassing himself. So, for the sake of doing something, he gets in the car and turns on the radio; let's himself relax when Niall starts singing loudly to Lady Gaga.

 

They arrive at Nandos and as soon as they take seats, Niall's eyes dart around. He excitedly declares, “I am so glad we are doing this!”

 

Harry looks at him, in awe, his voice a little scratchy when he asks, “Are you?”

 

“Yeah, this is nice.”

 

Harry smiles at him, and Niall takes the menu, and Harry can see struggle in his eyes.

 

“I don't know why I always want to come here. It breaks my heart to have to choose one thing over the other” The blond jokes.

 

Harry's eyes lock on Niall's. He takes advantage of the fact that Niall's hand is resting on the table and stretches his arm to stoke it fleetingly. He says, “You can have whatever you want.” Niall smiles at him and Harry adds, “I promise I'll still love you even if you get all chubby.”

 

This time is Niall who squeezes his hand. “I know you would” he says laughing heartily.

 

Harry beams. “Always.” He promises.

 

 

 

Harry has to help Niall to decide and they finally order.

 

Niall looks at him tentatively and says, “I've been thinking a lot and, I don't want you to think that I was being weird the other day. You know? when I kind of, um , over reacted because you didn't want to stay over.”

 

Harry fumbles with his napkin, retorts, “I didn't think you were weird.”

 

“It's fine. I thought about it.” Niall nibbles at his finger and blushes a bit “It's normal that you feel um, _ it's weird when your gay friend tells you that they enjoy sleeping with you.”

 

Harry shakes his head, but Niall adds, “I do understand that you feel uncomfortable sleeping with me, and if that is the case I am really, _really sorry.”_

Harry furrows his brows and asks him, “are you finished now?” and when Niall nods he says “It didn't even cross my mind, not even for a second, the fact that you were gay, okay? I enjoyed sleeping with you just as much as you did, Nialler. I could never, ever be uncomfortable around you because of _that.”_

Niall looks at him, baffled, his voice slightly constricted when he says: _“_ Then why?” He pauses a little and says, “I mean, this is not about sleeping together anymore, I just,” He gulps and looks at the surface of the table, “I'm constantly scared that I'll make something that will draw you away.”

 

Harry strokes Niall's hand again, but this time he leaves it there.

 

“You won't Niall. We are here, aren't we?” Harry looks around and adds “After everything that happened, we are still here.”

 

At this, Niall smiles and nods. “About to eat chicken” he offers.

 

 Harry smiles at him and gesturing with his hand concedes, “About to eat chicken.”

 

They hold hands until the food arrives. When it does, they don't say much while they eat because Harry knows that Niall prefers to enjoy his food in silence, however, that doesn't stop them from bumping their feet together from time to time. It doesn't take too long for Niall to finish his chicken and when he does he looks at Harry, arches an eyebrow and teases, “And now, confess, why so handsome today?”

 

Harry feels his neck getting hot but he tries to play it cool, anyway, “Should I be offended by the tone of surprise?”

 

Niall laughs and puffs exaggeratedly. “Don't give me that, Styles.” He exclaims. “You knew what you were doing when you chose those jeans; you have done it deliberately.”

 

Harry doesn’t miss a beat and retorts, “Have you been checking me out, Horan?”

 

It's Niall turn to blush now; he looks down and he stutters a little,“I didn't... I didn't mean it like, um...”

 

Harry cackles, inwardly loving Niall's reaction, “Hey, mate, relax, I was just kidding!

 

This is new; flirting with Niall. Good new, he thinks. Something he could get used to.

 

Niall opens his mouth to say something but the waitress comes and brings them their bill.

 

Niall grabs his wallet but Harry stops him. “My treat.” He says.

 

Niall eyes him with curiosity and tries to protest, but Harry taps the tip of his nose fondly, “No buts, I invited you, didn't I?”

 

 

 

 

Soon enough they are back on the street, and Harry contemplates if he should invite Niall over to his house to watch a movie or if it's better to go for a drink. He's about to ask Niall what he'd rather do but the blond beats him to it. He says, “Now, seriously, are you seeing someone later? Because if you have a date I can take a taxi or whatever...”

 

Harry feels a stab of pain in his chest. His cheeks flame up and he feels like the most retarded man in the world.

 

With a simple question the whole date screws up but, w _as this a date in first place?_ Obviously not for Niall. Harry's thoughts go on overdrive. _They were at Nandos, alone and Harry paid for the bill. They have spent the whole night holding hands and playing footsie, and the atmosphere... there was something about the banter, about the way they smiled...Niall surely had to notice, right?_

 

Harry is suddenly pissed off. He feels mad and sad for irrational reasons and he doesn't want to let it show, because really, this is not Niall's fault at all. Niall simply thought that this was a friendly dinner and he will most probably call Zayn as soon as they get home. Harry doesn't think before he blurts out, “Not your bussiness”, and wow, that came out way harsher than he’d meant to.

 

 

Niall furrows his brows when he notices Harry's sudden change of attitude. He says, “Sorry mate, I didn't want to intrude.”

 

This only makes Harry angrier, because he is getting sick of Niall constantly tip-tooting around him lately; of his blatant efforts to please Harry. And it probably is Harry's fault that the blond is so scared that he will snap, but it still frustrates him a lot, so he heaves a sigh and says, “It's fine... let's just go home, okay?”

 

They drive in silence this time and Harry feels like crying. He feels confused, angry and frustrated.

 

When he pulls over in front of Niall's house the blond asks,“Do you want to come in?”

 

“Niall...” Harry drifts off.

 

The blond just shrugs and smiles kind of sadly. “I had to try.” He sighs.

 

Harry nods and Niall puts his hands on the handle of the door, but he seems to recoil a little. The blond turns around again to look at Harry, his eyes full of hesitation when he asks, “Harry... this wasn't a date, right?” His pale skin is impossibly red, but it is obvious that he needs to get this off his chest.

 

Harry's heart hammers and his guts twist with nerves as he contemplates his choices. He's slightly mad, slightly hurt, and slightly humiliated. Zayn's face comes to his mind as he takes in Niall's furrowed eyebrows. He curses inwardly when he hears himself let out a hearty laugh.

 

Niall stares blankly at him; lips presses into a tight line. He looks humiliated as he listens to the sound of Harry's laughter which sounds terribly loud in the quiet atmosphere of Robin's car.

 

“What are you talking about? you silly!” Harry says good-naturedly.

 

Niall's face drops ever so slightly and Harry wants to punch himself right there. He strokes Niall's cheek and asks, “Um, yeah, ehrm, see you tomorrow?”

 

Niall's jaw twitches a little but he curtly nods his head, “Sure.”

 

Harry watches him as he opens the door. Brazenly, he asks, “Hey, so I don't get a good night kiss?”

 

Niall turns once again, this time he's wearing a frown. He watches him unwaveringly for a while and Harry has to gulp. Finally, he asks, “Are you making fun of me, Harry?”

 

Harry stares back, surprised, he squints his eyes, his jaw dropping slightly, “Um, what?”

 

Niall relaxes a little, but he still looks annoyed when he sharply retorts, “Never mind.”

 

He leans over, pecks Harry quickly on the cheek, and adds “Goodnight Harry.”

 

When he leaves the car, he slams the door, and once Harry's sure that the blond won't hear him, he punches the steering wheel.

 

“Fuck!”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think people?  
> pleaseee comment and let me know what did you think of Harry, and what do you think of the date. was it a good idea? what do you think of the end?  
> xxxx


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 12. It's mostly Liam's POV, but it also contains Harry's POV, and both POVS happen simultaniously.  
> I hope you like thins chapter, it's quite emotional.  
> It's unbeated; that's why I updated so soon. English is not my 1 laguage so I apologize beforehand forany gramamtical mistake. Please feel free to point them out so I can correct them.  
> I hope you enjoy the reading and please don't forget to comment and let me knowyour opinions!!!

Liam forces his eyes to stay open and sips from his coffee, now gone cold. He squints his eyes as he tries to see past the somber light of his reading lamp. He takes a glance at his clock; it's 2:30 in the morning. He reads through his Biology book and panics, _Fuck, what's this?, I can't remember any of this._

He groans and wills himself to force down the anxiety that's bubbling up his chest. He still has plenty of time. All the night, if that's what it takes. There's Redbull left in the fridge and he can take a nap tomorrow, maybe. As the morning draws closer, Liam starts to realize that none of the things he's been going over for the last hour have actually registered in his mind. When the alarm clock goes off he closes the heavy book with a thud, yawns and cracks his neck.

 

“You look like a zombie” Louis deadpans when he sees him.

 

Liam snorts and starts the car.

 

“Cheers, mate.”

 

“No, really, have you slept at all?”

 

Liam feels Louis gaze lingering on him, and his grip  on the steering wheel tightens. He tries to modulate his voice when he says, “I'll sleep later, okay?”

 

He can almost see Louis biting his tongue; this isn't the first time they have this conversation.

 

“You are going to make yourself sick, and what's it all for? A grant that you don't even need.” Liam flaps his mouth a couple of times, and Louis adds, “Your father has money, he can pay for your studies, and don't even try to tell me otherwise. I know that Ruth and Nicola always got grants but, let me break this into you, you don't have breasts so that means you aren't them.”

 

Liam clicks his tongue, and, knowing that Louis will refute whatever he says, he just nods his head. He's too tired to have an argument and his head is killing him.

 

 

 

Five minutes before their last period is over, their Biology teacher announces that she has  marked the exams they took last week.

 

John, a willowy boy who always sits on the first row, volunteers to hand them out, and Liam watches him walk around the classroom; heart hammering and hands clammy.

 

Finally, Liam catches John's dull eyes roaming around the room and stopping on him. He gulps and shifts on his seat as John walks towards him.

 

“Congratulations, mate.”

 

John places the exam carefully on the desk and Liam hovers over it, taking a deep breath before he ventures a glance; 8,7.

 

Liam's pulse quickens. He's meant to get at least a 9.5 in everything or he's screwed. _Fuck_ , he stayed awake for days, for a fucking 8,7? He should have made more, surely he should have started revising a little earlier. He's been partying too much lately,and now, he may not get what he's been working for so hard.

 

Liam's snaps out of his thoughts when Louis, with a proud beam, shows him his 6 and peers over his shoulder to take a glance at Liam's exam, who swiftly turns the sheet over. Louis scowls and shifts on his seat to ask Niall about his mark.

 

When the bell rings, Liam leans over Louis and offers him the keys of his car. He says, “Wait me in the car, okay?, I'll be there in a minute.”

 

Louis looks at him quizzically. His lips curl up in a smirk as he snatches the keys from Liam.

 

“What if I steal the car?”

 

Liam looks at him fondly and snorts, “You can't drive for shit.”

 

Louis narrows his eyes and waves a hand dismissively. He retorts, “What if I steal it, anyway?”

 

Liam gets up and tugs at Louis hands until he is on his feet as well. Liam places his hands on the elder boy's shoulders and ushers him toward the door.

 

 “Go,” Liam lets out a soft chuckle and Louis crosses his arms over his chest, his hip jutting out and his lips pursed when he says, “Don't take too long.”

 

Liam watches him go and walks towards the desk of the teacher. As he gets closer, he starts to hear giggles and his fists clench. He's used to it; used to the sniggering and the mocking. He casts a glance at a group of people who are still gathering their stuff. He knows what they say about him; he knows that some of his classmates laugh at his expense, and call him ass kisser. Liam's eyes fall on James, a guy from his class who seems determined to make his life a living hell. James, who claims that Liam goes to the teachers' offices and begs them to raise his marks in exchange for certain “favors”.

 

Liam stands in front of his teacher desks and sighs in relief when he sees that James and his friends leave the classroom. He likes this teacher. She is young and her lessons are always dynamic. However, Liam stands there, extremely awkward as he waits for her to notice him. Finally, she looks up at him through her plastic rimmed glasses and beams.

 

““Hey, Liam, congratulations, you got the highest score in the class,”

 

Liam drums his finger on her desks and tries to smile convincingly, but it comes out forced,

 

“Yeah!, that's great!,” He takes a short pause and asks, “Um, I was wondering, um, isn't there a way to raise my grade?”

 

Her teacher looks at him, bemused, “I don't know, Liam. It was a hard exam, you should be proud of yourself.”

 

“I know,” he forces out, “I am. It's just that I am trying to apply for a grant, and I need to get at least 9.5 in every subject.” He explains, “This lowers my average mark..., if there was like a, um, an essay or project I could do to try to raise my mark, I'd be _so_ grateful.”

 

Liam shifts his weight, startling when his phone vibrates in one of his pockets but soon his attention drifts back to his teacher, who readjusts her glasses on her nose and says, “Um, I'll think about something, okay?”

 

Liam's lungs expanse with relief, and he beams. “Thank you!” He says enthusiastically, “thank you so, so much.”

 

The teacher chuckles and Liam turns on his heels to leave. However, she calls his name again.

 

“ Liam, is everything okay? You look tired lately.”

 

Liam blushes and nods his head fervently. Unfortunately, she insists, “Are you sure that you aren't pushing yourself too hard?”

 

Liam feels his guts twist; his voice raspy when he replies, “Don't worry, it's fine, I am fine.”

 

The teacher nods but gives him a worried look.

 

“I'll let you know when I decide what you have to do to raise your mark.”

 

Liam nods and smiles at her, grateful, “Right, thanks again.” He says cheerfully.

 

Liam feels lighter when he leaves the classroom. As he hums distractedly he checks up his phone. It from his mother, and it says, _Liam, we won't be home tonight. We are driving to Wolverhampton because your grandmother needs some help. Your dinner is in the fridge, you only need to heat it._

 

 

Liam smiles dumbly down the phone. He is so happy that he doesn't even mind when Louis locks him out of the car for three minutes. When he finally is allowed in the car, he announces cheerfully, “Hey, my house is empty today, wanna come?

 

Louis scrutinizes him and shakes his head.

 

“Nah, you look exhausted, you better take a nap or something.”

 

Liam feels slightly disappointed at this, so he says, “No, please. Come. We'll watch a movie. If I fall asleep just try not to be too loud, okay?”

 

Louis looks at him warily, and, raising an eyebrow inquisitively, he inquires, “Are you sure?”

 

Liam beams and starts the car, “Yeah, I am sure.” He says with a big smile.

 

 

Louis bends over to pick a movie out of the stack and Liam flushes when his eyes land on his ass. Louis asks, “What movie do you wanna watch?”

 

Liam clears his throat. He urges himself to look away and shrugs, “Dunno mate, you choose, I'll probably fall asleep within the first couple of minutes.”

 

“Shutter Island?” Louis offers.

 

“Sounds good.”

 

They stand awkwardly in front of the sofa, floundering. Louis, takes the initiative and sits against the arm rest; he stretches his legs on the sofa and leaves space in between them. Once he's made himself comfortable he looks up and smiles nervously at Liam, “Come here.”

 

Liam's Adam apple bobs up and down. And Louis must sense his hesitation because he presses, “Common, you are tired, aren't you?”

 

Liam slowly nods and he proceeds to awkwardly situate himself in between Louis' legs, slightly afraid of crushing him under his weight. However, Louis wounds his arms around Liam's chest and brings him flush against his chest. Liam tenses.

 

“Louis, I'm very heavy, I'll crush you.”

 

Louis rests his head on Liam's shoulder and snorts. The puff of air tickling the sensitive skin of Liam's neck. He says, “Shut up and relax.”

 

Liam does as he's told. For his part, Louis grabs a blanket neatly folded on the armrest and covers both of their bodies with it. Then, he starts massaging through Liam's short hair in slow motions. Something warm spreads across Liam's belly, loosening up his tensed muscles.

 

When Louis talks next, his hot breath makes Liam shiver.

 

“Shhhh, sleep.”

 

And Liam does.

 

 

He only wakes up hours later, when he hears the front door open. The movie has finished, and Louis' head is resting against the sofa; his chin on top of Liam's head. He's fallen asleep. Liam jumps from his seat, startling the older boy, who groans and rubs his eyes childishly. Liam storms out of the living room and into the hall where he intercepts his family. With his heart pounding against his ribcage, he greets, “Hey!”

 

His family don't spare him a glance at him, busy as they are taking off their coats and shoes. Only his mother notices, “Hey, Liam” she sounds gruff and exhausted.

 

“I thought you weren't coming tonight?” Liam asks her.

 

His mother looks pointedly at his father and exhales dramatically, “Your aunt called and they are in Wolverhampton, so they will check on your grandmother instead of us, have you had dinner yet?”

 

“Um, no, not yet. Is she alright?”

 

“Your grandmother?” Karen sighs, “Yeah she is, the devil looks after his own, doesn't he?”

 

There's some shuffling in the living room and Liam pales. His mother eyes him, and Liam can feel himself breaking into a sweat. He casts a nervous glance towards the living room; he can't see Louis but he does hear his steps. He grits his teeth and wishes he could crawl into a hole.

 

His mother though, is oblivious, because she adds,“Ok, I'll fix us something, and then,” She trails off. Then her eyes shot up, and she peers over Liam's shoulder. Unimpressed, she says, “Oh! hey Louis.”

 

Liam feels his heart jump to his throat when he notices the way his father looks at Louis who, keeping his head low, announces, “Ehrm, I was already leaving.”

 

Liam automatically curls his hand around Louis' skinny shoulder, “Wait, I'll drive you.”

 

Louis nods and Liam ushers him towards the front door. However, Geoff stops them.

 

“Why don't you stay with us for dinner, Lewis?”

 

Louis humphs and narrows his eyes at Geoff; he hates to be called Lewis and Geoff knows this too well.

 

Liam can almost hear Louis' brain working at full speed, trying to find a way out of this.

 

“Um, I...”

 

“Common, kid, don't be rude” Geoff spats; his voice edging with condescension. Then, he shouts, “Karen, Louis will join us for dinner!”

 

Louis looks at Liam with urgency and the younger man shrugs and tries to keep his cool.

 

They sit around the table in silence. Karen gets the food, and Ruth and Nicola help to set the table. When Louis offers to help, Karen looks insulted and Geoff makes a disgruntled noise at the back of his throat.

 

Geoff turns the TV on, and Liam wishes he could have a different family. He looks at Louis who looks so out of place; he is quiet, for a change, and oddly uncomfortable. His blue eyes roam around the room looking for a distraction, and finally they settle on the television. Louis hates the news. He thinks that they are boring and no body watches them at his house. In fact, they don't watch much television, at all. They don't need the sound of a news presenter to cover up for the awkward silence because there is never such a thing in the Tomlinson's household.

 

As they eat in silence, Liam has difficulty swallowing his food. He isn't even paying attention to the TV but his ears tune in when his father scoffs.

 

The news presenter has just announced that gay marriage is now legal in some random European country.

 

Liam holds his breath for a short second, aware of the tension in the room. _Fuck_.

 

“What a shame!”

 

His father sighs dramatically, and his face contorts with sheer disgust when a gay couple kiss on the screen. Then he stands up to grab the remote and turns the tv off. The silence in the room is so dreadful now, that Liam is almost glad when his father speaks again.

 

“That's terrible news. Europe is starting to revolt me with all this pseudo liberalism or whatever.”

 

Louis snorts and Liam thinks he is going to throw up.

 

“What is so funny, kid?” Geoff snaps.

 

“Oh, nothing, sir.” Louis retorts petulantly.

 

“Common, enlighten us with your opinion, do you actually support that?”

 

Louis steals Liam a glance, asking for permission. Liam sends him a warning look that Louis ignores.

 

“Of course I do, one of my best friend is gay, after all.”Louis estates.

 

Geoff eyes shot up to Liam who raises his hands defensively.Louis snorts again.

 

“Not him, I meant Niall.”

 

Ruth looks at Liam and accusingly exclaims,“You didn't tell!”

 

“I, um...”

 

The truth is that he was trying to protect Niall, but now is too late, and Liam wonders if Niall will ever be welcomed again to his house.His father wrinkles his nose, and asks, “Niall? Niall Horan?, that's terrible!” He scratches his cheeks and adds, “But I've seen him with girls!, he used to be normal, didn't he Karen?”

 

Liam is quite positive that the sour taste in his mouth is bile as he sees his mother nod absentmindedly.

 

“What do you mean, normal?”

 

When Liam hears the utter confusion in Louis' voice he wants to stand up, scoop him up in his arms, and get him as far away as he can. But it's too late and his father is already replying, “Those people....” He scrunches up his nose and spits out, “homosexuals. They are sick, it's an illness and it's been proved.”

 

To Liam's dismay, Louis snorts again, “Oh really? So you've got scientific proof and everything?”

 

Geoff glares at him, and Liam notices that there's a thick vein popping out on his neck. Feeling mocked, his father changes the topic.

 

“And what does his family say about this? Is he visiting a psychologist or something?”

 

Liam thinks he's going to be sick as he clenches and unclenches his hands under the table.

 

“Actually, they are incredibly supporting” Louis says smugly, “They couldn't be more proud of him, and neither could I,”

 

Geoff chooses to ignore the last part and exclaims,“Supportive!? His child is sick and they are supportive!? Did you hear that, Karen? Terrible, that's such terrible news.” His eyes lock on Louis and sneers, “I can't decide what is more nauseating, homosexuals or people who support them.”

 

Liam flinches.  Louis looks at Geoff incredulous and then he takes a look around the table; his eyes lingering on Liam. Finally, he drops his cutlery loudly on his plate, and stands up.

 

“Thank you, miss Payne, the dinner was really good.”

 

Karen looks at him puzzled as he storms out of the room. Liam stands up as well and his father stares at him and warns, “Don't you dare to move, kid, you haven't finished your dinner.”

 

Liam looks at him disbelieving. He say, “I'm not hungry anymore” and stiffly walks to the living room where he finds Louis collecting his stuff; he oozes anger from his every pore.

 

Liam retrieves his keys from his pocket, puts on his coat and says, “Wait just a second and I'll drive you.”

 

Louis lets out a puff of air and stubbornly walks towards the door. Liam watches as he takes long strides towards the front door. His guts twist at the mere thought of Louis roaming the streets alone this late at night and, without a second thought, he follows him out of the house and into the cold night.

 

Louis walks so fast that Liam has to run in order to catch up with him. He grabs the bottom of his jacket and tugs, but Louis keeps trying to walk. Liam runs and stops in front of Louis, blocking him and preventing him to move forward. He impatiently asks, “Do I seriously have to carry you to the car?”

 

Louis crosses his arms over his chest, refusing to move and Liam grabs one of Louis' arms and tugs again. When Louis yanks his arm away forcefully, Liam feels himself growing short of patience, so he grabs Louis by his shoulders and manhandles him towards the car with Louis putting up resistance. _God, he's starting to get on his nerves now._

“Stop acting like a fucking child!” Liam hisses.

 

Liam drags Louis for a couple of meters, but Louis is squirming and kicking around, and it's really difficult to handle him, so Liam stops and takes his hands off Louis; his muscles tense in case he has to run after his older friend. Cooly, he says, “Common, get in the car.”

 

Louis looks at him, his eyes full of rage. Liam lets out an animalistic growl, and greeting his teeth, he seethes, “Fine.,”

 

In a swift movement, Liam scoops Louis up in his arms and carries him all the way to the car where he drops him on the passenger seat without much ceremony. Then he leans forward and hisses, “Do I have to put your seat belt on, as well?”

 

Louis humphs, but swats Liam's hands away from him. He secures his seat bealt around his tiny waist, crosses his arms moodily and looks up at Liam. Even in the dark, Liam notices that his blue eyes are oddly watery.

 

He looks at Louis puzzled and his heart clenches when Louis sniffles and looks away from him. Liam is out of breath. He leans back, closes the door and walks around the car where he leans against the boot. He thinks, _fuck, fuck fuck._

His lips purse as he lets out a long exhale, trying to calm his nerves. He looks down and realizes that his hands are shaking; he has never seen Louis crying. _Never_. Liam runs a hand through his short hair, almost in desperation and tries to regain his composure. He breaths in and out, in and out and plucking up all his courage, he gets in the car.

 

Once in the car he starts the gear and ventures a sideways glance; Louis is not crying anymore.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Louis doesn't answer, and Liam barely catches him shrugging his shoulders from the corner of his eye.

 

 As they drive in silence, Liam bites the inside of his check and wills himself to keep his eyes focused on the road. However he is awfully aware of every little sound and  motion coming from Louis' side of the car. The older boy is hugging himself so Liam turns on the heating. He feels awful.

 

As soon as Liam stops the car, Louis gets out, swiftly fishing for his keys in his pockets. Liam gets out of the car as well, not bothering to lock it, and rushes to catch up with his friend. When he does, he takes Louis hands in between his.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

Louis ignores him and frees his hands . However, Liam steps in his way and blocks his advance.

 

“Please, let me explain, Lou.”

 

Louis seems to snap at the nick name, his eyes bore into Liam's, and he sneers at him disdainfully, “What do you want to talk about, Liam?” He hisses, “ Do you really want to talk about how your father insulted your friend and you did nothing about it?, or would you rather talk about how you let your family humiliate me time after time without moving a muscle?”

 

Liam cringes. He reaches to touch Louis but Louis flinches at the contact, so his hand hovers over Louis' face for a couple of the seconds, before he drops it and it hangs limply by his side, lifeless.

 

“He called Niall sick!” Louis chokes, his whole face contracted in disgust.

 

Liam can't help it and his hand reaches up again, itching to comfort Louis in any possible way, but Louis swats it away and pokes his chest accusingly, “He called your best friend a sick man and you let him, what's wrong with you!?”

 

When Liam grabs Louis' shoulders he isn't too sure if he wants to try to keep Louis still or if he is trying to prevent his own knees from buckling under his weight. He rerepeat, “Please, let me explain.”

 

Louis squir

ms again and Liam resignedly releases his shoulders. Louis takes a step back and hugs himself again. After a short pause he snaps, “Go on, then, say what you have to say.”

 

Liam eyes knit together. He scratches the back of his neck and croaks out, “Um, here? Like this?”

 

Louis eyes dart around and he scowls at him but doesn't say anything.

 

“I am not supposed to tell this to anyone.” Louis taps his foot impatiently and Liam shifts in his place, “it's like a family secret or something.”

 

Louis is unimpressed, his face void of any feelings as he clicks his tongue petulantly and warns, “I don't have all the night.”

 

Liam starts, “My uncle is gay,” Louis gazes at him, but says nothing, “He...came out when he was, um, our age more or less. They lived in a small neighborhood in Wolverhampton, my father, he, everyone...” He pauses to breath, and scrutinizes Louis expression, trying to decide if this is working or not. “Everybody found out eventually and they made my family's a living hell. My grandfather was given a lot of shit at work, and everyone sneered at my father. My grandfather started to drink, and he turned into an alcoholic and my father.., my aunt, _ they lost all his friends. In the end my grandfather died of a cirrhosis, and my father and my uncle moved to different places. They never heard from him again.” Liam takes a deep breath and exhales, “ What I mean is that my father had a really bad experience with them. Um, his childhood was a nightmare because of...”

 

“Because of what? Because of gays? Are you even listening to yourself?” Louis growls, and gesticulating wildly, he exclaims, “It was all those fucking homophobes who made their lives a living hell, not gay people!. _God!_ I can't believe you right now, Liam!.”

 

“What do you expect? I was raised…”

 

Liam is cut off in mid-sentence when Louis spits out, “Don't you dare going there! For fuck's sake, you are almost two heads taller than me! You are entitled to have your own opinions now!

 

Liam tries to think in a way to get himself out of this situation. He can't.

 

“You are a hypocrite. Are you telling me that you hate Niall?” Louis seethes. Then he takes a deep breath and, looking at him defiantly, he adds, “Are you telling me that you hate me?”

 

Liam gasps; his expression dumfounded as he observes Louis, who snorts, “Don't look so surprised, I like boys too, but I'm pretty sure that  you already knew that. So, tell me, Liam, do you hate me, too? Do you think that I am sick?

 

Liam rubs his face, and he looks everywhere but at Louis.

 

“What are you trying to accomplish with this, Louis? You know too well that I love Niall. You know that I don't think there's anything wrong with him.”

 

Louis scuffs his feet against the grass, splaying dry mud around them and exclaims, “Then why can't you stand up for him?”

 

Liam tries to calm himself; he tries not to shout. “Because, whether I like it or not, that man is my father, and we have to live under the same roof for at least, a couple of years.”

 

Louis clicks his tongue and looks at him, disappointed. “Well,” He starts, “then call me in a couple of years, if you have grown some integrity by then.”

 

Liam isn't given the chance to say anything else because Louis storms towards his house.

 

When Liam gets home his hands are still trembling. He lies on his bed, extremely tired, but as he closes his eyes, he finds himself unable to sleep. He clenches his teeth, suddenly overcome with a sudden need to cry for rage and exhaustion. He sits up on the bed and stifles a groan against one of his cushions. His nerves are altered and his sleep patterns are screwed. He wills himself to relax but he just can't. He lays back on the bed and turns over trying to find a comfortable position but it doesn't work. Heaving a sigh of desperation, he closes his eyes and lets his hand trail down his body. He palms himself through his underwear before he pulls his boxers down slightly. He wraps his hand around the base of his cock and slowly starts pumping along his length. Soon though, he notices that he is not in the mood and that his mind is not really into it, so he slides his boxers back up and rubs his hands against the blankets, trying to get rid of the precum.

 

At 3 in the morning he gets up from the bed, puts on some sweatpants, and leaves the house. He jogs aimlessly until he starts getting cramps all over his legs. He is unable to remove the memory of Louis' moist eyes from his mind and, for some odd reason, his feet take him back to his best friend's house. He observes the window of Louis' room; the curtains are drawn and the lights off. He wants to see Louis. He needs to make Louis smile; see if that way he can erase from his brain the horrible memory of seeing him cry.

 

He stands there helplessly looking at the window. His hands are so cold that he can no longer feel them and, as he remembers the feeling of laying on his sofa with Louis' arms wrapped around him, he wishes he could change the past.

 

Louis ignores him for the rest of the week. He doesn't take his calls, and he ignores his texts. He sits next Harry in class and rides with his friend Eleanor. He doesn't seem sad, either, and that's probably what hurts the most; the fact that Louis can do so well without him, when Liam hasn't been able to sleep for more than two hours straight for the last four days.

 

Liam feels himself starting to rot away on the inside. His relationship with his family is awful. His family is the reason for all his problems; for all his insecurities and fears. To think about his family, it makes his blood boil. Liam hates his father and hates the way he acts around him; the way he can't recognize himself when he is around them.

 

Liam hates his father the most. He hates him so much that sometimes he's scared of his own dark thoughts. However, he knows that he needs his father's approval above all else. Living up to his father expectations is exhausting, though. Liam learned a long time ago that he isn't as intelligent as Ruth or Nicole, but he has never let it show.  Instead, he stays up late at night, and turns his friends down on weekends. He works his ass off even if his father never seems to notice.

 

For his part, Louis never asks anything of him. He always tells Liam to slow down, close his eyes and relax. Louis makes him laugh, and he teaches him not to take himself too seriously and just enjoy life, (even though Liam sometimes forgets how this is done).Above all, Louis loves him. He is always on his side and he always fights Liam's battles, unconditionally and unreservedly; always takings a step forward when someone calls Liam names, even though he is tiny and small and so easy to knock down.

 

At the mere thought of it, Liam's heart clenches. He didn't stand up for Louis. He sat back as his father humiliated his best friend. Liam doesn't get why, because he is pretty damn sure that he loves Louis more than he loves his father, and he knows that he would give his life for Louis without a second thought. Yet, he didn't move a muscle when he knew his father was hurting Louis' feelings. He is just.. paralyzed when it comes to his father. Terrified, even.

 

And then, there's Niall... Liam can't even look him in the eye, which is ridiculous because the blond can't even fathom what Liam has done. However, whenever the young blond casts him one of his innocent smiles, Liam's overcome with nausea and an overpowering sense of self-loathing flows through his veins.

 

 

It's 3 in the morning and Liam's got an exam the next day. He's struggling, has been struggling for the past days. However, no matter how many times he reads through his notes, it won't stay in his mind. His breath shudders as he opens yet another can of Redbull. He wants to shout, to throw his book against the wall, but he can't, because it's late and the whole house sleeps.

 

His leg bobs up and down frenetically and it's sort of distracting. He can't concentrate and he knows that if he doesn't put a remedy to this, he is going to fail miserably. A distressed sob hitches in his throat as he freaks out.He grabs his phone and dials, too aware that the person on the other end is going to kill him.

 

“Liam, what the fuck?” Niall groans, his voice still hoarse with sleep, “Do you know what time is it?”

 

Liam pinches the bridge of his nose and begs, “Please, Niall, I need to tell you something.”

 

Niall yawns again, and Liam can hear the rustle of the blankets as he moves on the bed.

 

“Liam, go to bed, we will talk tomorrow.”

 

“Just a minute,” Liam bites his bottom lip to stifle a sob, and Niall sighs and hums. Liam takes this as his cue to start talking.

 

“The other day, my father... he found out that you were gay.”

 

“Uh, what?” Niall asks distractedly.

 

“Yeah, I didn't want him to know because he's a homophobic bastard,” Liam gulps, “He said that you were sick, and that it was an illness.” Liam croaks out.

 

Niall sighs and his voice mellows out when he says, “Liam, calm down, it's okay, I don't care.”

 

Liam takes in a shaky exhale and allows Niall's voice to sooth his nerves. He elaborates, “He called you that, and I didn't said anything to defend you,” He sniffles, “I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I was so damn scared that he would hate me.” He takes a pause to breath sharply and adds, “ but now I hate myself, and I need you to know that I really love you and that I don't give a damn if you want to be with women or men or whatever, I just,” His voice cracks, and becomes almost inaudible towards the end of the sentence, “I'm really... _ashamed_.”

 

Niall sighs again, and says, “Liam, listen to me, I know that you love me, but please, we will talk about this tomorrow, it's fine, I am not mad, and I love you too.”

 

“Okay,” Liam forces out.

 

“Hey, it's fine, I know that you are sorry, let's forget about it, okay?” Niall begs.

 

Liam mumbles, “Yeah, right”, and smiles when Niall says, “I love you, good night.”

 

“You too, Ni, I am really sorry.”

 

Niall chuckles tiredly, and reassures him, “I know, sleep.”

 

“Good night, Niall.”

 

Liam smiles down the phone and cracks his back. He finishes off another can of Redbull as he reads through his notes yet another time. At five o'clock a.m he empties all the contents of his stomach in the toilet, and at six he finally allows himself to close his eyes for an hour or so.

 

 

 

The next week, John offers himself to hand out their exams again. Liam feels bile rising up his throat and he wonders if he'll throw up again. His leg bobs up and down as he sits at the very edge of the chair.

 

“Hey, nerdy boy, nervous are we? Don't worry!, you can always suck the teacher's cock and asks him to raise your mark.”

 

Liam pretends not to listen to them. Instead, he tries to erase with his hand the drawing he made before on the surface of his table. He's so focused trying to block the voices, that he startles when John leans over and chirps in,“Congrats, mate!”

 

Trembling all over, Liam chances a glance; he's got a ten.

 

As a whirls of emotion overpowers him, he feels his eyes water. He tries to get a hold of himself. Suddenly he feels so exhausted that he thinks he might faint right there.

 

“Is he crying?” The voices, again. “What happened, swot? Did you get an 8 or something?”

 

There's people sniggering and then James adds,  “If you blew your exam you can always blow the teacher!”

 

Liam springs up out of the chair. As rage takes over him, he becomes void of any rational thought.

 

Nobody notices what's happening at first. Liam walks toward James and his friends, his body hovering over them and the sound of his own voice foreign to him when he seethes, “What did you say?”

 

The other boy looks up at him amused. He chuckles and Liam leans forwards and grabs him by the collar, forcefully, and shouts, “I asked you what did you fucking say!”

 

His voice echoes through the room, and everybody turns around to look at them. The teacher peers at them curiously from his seat and inquires, “Is everything okay there, mister Payne?”

 

Liam clutches harder on the fabric, breathing heavily through his nose.

 

“Mister Payne, I asked you a question.”

 

Liam ignores him again, and just stands there in the middle of the classroom, unmoving and overwhelmed as everybody looks at him. He closes his eyes, and thinks that his knees might give up under his weight any moment now.

 

Suddenly, someone shoves him; they yank his arm away from James' collar and drag him out of the room. They usher him through the deserted corridor, and at some point Liam refuses to keep walking and just collapses on the floor. His back hits the wall and he brings his knees up to his chest.

 

He throws his head back, and rests it against the wall. His eyes widen as he tries to keep his eyesight focused. His hands get clammy and his breathing gets shallow.

 

“Liam” Liam looks in front of him, struggling to keep his eyes open. Louis is kneeling in front of him, patting his cheek as he shakes him. Liam can see him shouting but the sound of his voice barely reaches his ears. “Liam, what's wrong!?”

 

Liam focuses on his breathing; he closes his eyes and his throat aches when he swallows the lump that has been building up for a while now.

 

Louis sits beside him. He worms his arms around him and awkwardly cradles him in his arms. Liam curls up against him, making himself look smaller than he really is. He chokes up a breath and clutches onto Louis t-shirt for dear life. Louis tries to sooth him. He's whispering things into his ear, but Liam can't make the words out. he just holds onto him like a lifeline and Louis, for his part, brings Liam closer to his body and whispers, “Hey, hey.”

 

“I can't, I can't.”

 

Liam can hear his own voice, but it sounds foreign to him; he hears himself talking, but he doesn't know what he is saying.

 

“Please,” Liam pleads.

 

He can't see Louis face from his position, but he feels his heart hammering against his own back. It's weird and it's confusing because he can't even make up what Louis' is saying, but just feeling his heart beating against him creates a connection between them, a weird sense of companionship.

 

“What, Liam? Tell me what's wrong!”

 

Liam breath hitches and he shakes his head.

 

Louis kisses the top of Liam's head and massages his fingers through his short hair.

 

“Hey, common, Liam, you've got to calm down.”

 

Liam tries to breathe normally and he is slightly afraid that he might fall asleep right there.

 

He feels light headed, and his mind is working in a funny way. He feels drunk, even though he never drinks. He feels pissed out of his mind, in fact. No longer in control of his actions. His body starts moving on his own accord and he, his inner self, can only sit back and watch.

 

He raises his head from Louis' chest. It hovers there, as he watches Louis at such close distance. His hand travels upwards in a slow motion and it strokes Louis' sharp cheek. The older boy's head jolts upwards to meet Liam's glazed eyes, startled.

 

“Liam, what...?”

 

Louis tries to push himself further against the wall, as he looks at Liam; eyes wide in bewilderment and surprise.

 

Liam eyes sweep over Louis features. He sees Louis' blue eyes flicker in disbelief as Liam leans closer, dark orbs flickering between pink lips and piercing blue eyes. Louis takes a sharp intake of air and their lips finally, _finally,_ meet. They kiss once, chastely; the touch of their lips lingering, and a popping sound when their lips separate.

 

Louis looks at him through half close lids. He looks slightly out of breath, as he rests his head against the wall; his chin pointing upwards, and his lips standing out.

 

Liam can't help himself, he brushes his fingers slowly over them, basking on how plump and soft they are. Then, he leans in and captures them again, this time allowing himself to kiss Louis properly.

 

His hand trails down on Louis body, until they find Louis' waist. His tongue sweeps over the seam of Louis' lips, and he squeezes his waist, causing Louis to elicit a gasp. Liam takes this opportunity to introduce his tongue in the crevice of Louis mouth, licking over the roof of his mouth before meeting Louis awaiting wet tongue. Louis shifts and his t-shirt rides up. Liam's runs his fingers along the elastic of Louis boxers that are conveniently peeking out the top of his trousers, and he strokes the patch of uncovered skin on his way. Their tongues move languidly together and Liam's hips buck unconsciously. Louis yelps in surprise and pulls back; his breathing erratic. Liam doesn't miss a bit. His blood is boiling in his veins and he's already starting to get hard against Louis.

 

Liam attacks his exposed neck, and Louis throws his head backwards, gasping. He drags his tongue up the length of Louis' neck, sucking and nibbling at the tender skin, focusing on his pulse point.

 

Suddenly the bell rings loudly and they jump away from each other.

 

Liam looks at Louis disbelievingly. He takes a shuddering breath that almost sounds like a sniffle. His throat feels achingly dry as he tries to ignore the pounding thoughts in his head. His lungs constrict as a whirl of mixed emotions threatens to overpower him. They can hear the rustle of students already starting to crowd the corridors and Liam jumps to his feet. He doesn't look backwards as he walks away from Louis, who sits on the floor looking helpless.

 

 

 **HARRY'S P.O.V** (Happens simultaneously with Liam's POV.)

 

 

On Monday Harry takes a detour on his way to Niall's house to go to their local bakery and, as soon as Niall opens his front door, Harry beams and hands him a bag of his favorite croissants as a peace offering.

 

Niall stares at him warily. He accepts the bag and holds it the bag at eye level. He quirks an eyebrow and inquires, “What is this all about?”

 

Harry shrugs his shoulders, a surge of nerves bubbling in his belly. Niall scrutinizes him, curiosity shining in his bright blue eyes. He says, “Whatever it is that you are doing lately... um, stop it, it's starting to scare me.”

 

Harry looks at him quizzically, “Uh?”

 

Niall locks his eyes on his, and his face contorts slightly, “You are acting strange... like overly nice... it's weird and you don't have to do it.”

 

Harry chuckles, but when he sees Niall's serious expression the laughter trails off and he asks, “Are you mad at me?”

 

Something flickers across Niall's face and he replies, “No, I'm not.”

 

However, his voice doesn't sound sincere and they both know it. Niall sighs and motions at Harry to wait. Then he disappears inside his house for a minute or so. When he reappears, he's got his backpack with him and he is shoveling down his throat one of the croissants. They start to make their way towards school and Niall offers the bag of croissants to Harry who grabs one and hands the bag back. He says, “I am not the only one acting strange, though.”

 

Niall runs a hand through his hair and clears his throat. “Maybe.” He says, “I don't know. I'm not doing it on purpose.”

 

Harry looks at him sideways, retorts, “What's that supposed to mean?”

 

Niall sighs,“Do you... Do you mind if we talk about something else?”

 

Harry looks away, as he distractedly nibbles at the skin of his finger. He admits, “Now I am the one scared.”

 

Niall doesn't reply and Harry studies his expression. Finally, Harry exhales, “Fine”, and resignedly he thinks, _another thing to add to the list of things we are not supposed to talk about._

 

As soon as they enter the classroom Niall moves to sit next to Zayn, and Harry, biting the inside of his cheek, walks towards his seat next to his friend Nick. However, someone grabs his wrist and yanks.

 

Before Harry is given any time to react, he is already sitting next to Louis, who says, “Sorry man, but you are stuck with me today.”

 

Harry turns over to look at Nick apologetically, before turning towards Louis once again, his eyes narrowed, “Why aren't you sitting with Liam?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes and says, “Some shit went down yesterday.”

 

“Erhm, why?”

 

Louis snorts and shrugs, “Stuff, man, I don't want to bore you.”

 

However, something flickers in his eyes that makes Harry look at him concerned, “You can talk to me, Lou.” He says encouragily.

 

Louis smiles at him. Then he changes the topic and starts gushing about a new CD he wants to buy.

 

When the last period is over, Harry walks towards Niall. He slings his arm around the blonde’s shoulders and pulls him into his side as they walk out of the classroom and into the corridors. He asks, “Hey Nialler!, see you later?”

 

However, Niall pulls away from him and scratches his neck. “Haz, I... um. Not today.” He says gloomily.

 

Harry feels slightly disappointed but he tries not to let it show. He spins around Niall's snap-back playfully on his head and smiles, “Are you busy or something?”

 

Niall clears his throat, and readjusts his snap-back on his head, almost pointedly. “I, um, I'm not Harry. I just want to spend some time alone.”

 

Harry looks away and gulps, trying to swallow the lump that has formed in his throat. Finally, he says, “I don't want things to be weird between us.”

 

Niall won't meet his eyes when he retorts, “I know Haz. Me neither. I don't know what's wrong with me. I need time to figure it out.”

 

“Okay,” Harry says dejectedly.

 

Niall turns his neck to look at him, and strokes his cheekbone swiftly, “I just, I feel very weird, and... things with Zayn are not working lately.” He admits.

 

Niall trails off. He seems about to cry and Harry feels utterly confused. He gently goads, “Niall, Is this related to the other night?

 

Niall looks at his feet and when Harry is sure he isn't going to answer, the blond whispers, “Maybe.”

 

Harry makes a disgruntled noise at the back of his throat, and asks, “What did I do?”

 

Niall sighs, and when he talks his voice is slightly edgy and his eyes flicker with anger. “This isn't about you Haz, this is about me.” He sighs.

 

Harry's face contorts in disbelief. _Why is Niall lying to him?,_ he grunts, mumbles a dry “right”, and feels the need to kick something.

 

“I just need some space to think.” Niall repeats, and Harry lets out a puff off air, slightly annoyed.

 

“Yeah, you already said that.” Harry tries to keep his expression blank. He doesn't want Niall to know how much he is hurting him by shutting him down.

 

However, Niall stops in his tracks and grabs his wrist. He pulls Harry into him and loosely hugs him. As he scratches his fingers through mop of curls he whispers, “This is not your fault. It's something I really need to do.”

 

Harry nods and sneaks his arms around Niall's waist to bring the blonde closer to him. However, Niall tenses in his arms and Harry pulls back and looks away; his jaw clenched as he tries not to spill tears of frustration. Niall takes his hand and squeezes it tightly. Then he softly says, “I swear that as soon as I figure out what's going on with me I'll let you know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, did you like the new chapter?  
> what did you think of liam?  
> what do you think of what happened with Narry?  
> what do you think that is wrong with niall?  
> why do you think ziall is having problems?  
> xxx


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there everyone :)  
> First of all I wanted to apologize for all the time I had you waiting. I just couldn't find my motivation or my inspiration and loads of thing came up and as time dragged on I found it more and mroe difficult to "reconect" with the story and the character, but this weekend I realized how nice have you been and how munch I enjoy writing this and then I decided to keep writing even if my writing might be a bit um rough after so many weeks.  
> This was betaed by carrie who is truly talented and whom I am really grateful to have as beta reader :)  
> I really intend to finish tis story and I will try to update at least once a week.  
> I hope I haven't lost all my readers by now, but hey, if anyone reads, please let me know what you think cos it helps me be motivated to know that there's people actually reading this and the effort is worth it :)  
> Love you all and again so very sorry for the waiting and if this chapter was not what you expected....  
> OH! Niall's POV today!

 

Tuesday afternoon finds Niall and Zayn sprawled on the blonde's bed and, as Zayn bites his shoulder playfully, Niall tries to concentrate on the feeling of Zayn's stubble scratching against his jaw. However, his mind is elsewhere and he wonders if it shows. They’re supposed to be doing homework, but an innocent peck on the lips has escalated quickly and Niall surprises himself by feeling guilty as his mind drifts again and again to his not-date with Harry just a week ago. 

 

He knows he shouldn't been thinking of it, especially when he's trying to make out with Zayn who is now putting all his heart into it, but it's been happening since the moment he’d left Harry's car; vague flashbacks here and there... He's analysed pretty much everything that was said during the dinner and, if he concentrates hard enough, he can still feel the warmth of Harry's fingers stroking his hand.

 

“Zayn, wait.” Niall sits up a little and tries to smooth the creases of his t-shirt.

 

Zayn sits up as well and readjusts his jeans where they have gone too tight. Then, he blinks at Niall, “What?” he asks hoarsely, “What now?”

 

Niall rubs his face tiredly and sighs, “I don't know.” 

 

The blond disentangles his limbs from Zayn's and scrambles out of bed swiftly. Zayn sits on the edge of bed and waits for Niall to talk. “My head is a mess right now. I need time, I suppose.”

 

Zayn gazes at him and rubs his palms against his thighs. “I have a feeling that this is not working,” Zayn's dark eyes study Niall as he says this, trying to gauge his reaction. 

 

Niall peers down at him, his pupils blown up with surprise because, is Zayn implying what Niall thinks he is implying?

 

“Zayn...”

 

Zayn shakes his head and Niall lets the sentence drift off.

 

“Niall, I like you a lot but, this sort of impasse... well, it's not doing it for me. I need to go forward or you know, just stop. Just... not like this, I feel that I'm too invested in this and...”

 

Niall's eyes bore into Zayn, and he asks, “And you think I’m not?”

 

Niall wants to run out of the house. He wants to pin Zayn down to bed and ask him to forget about what he’d just said. Mostly Niall _needs_ the older boy to comprehend how important he is to him and how much he likes him. Niall likes him so much that he can't wrap his head around the fact that what they have (whatever it is) is in fact not working. 

 

Because Zayn is perfect; he is witty, and gorgeous and funny and he's got a mouth that... Niall really wants it to work so badly.

 

“I think that your heart isn't fully on this right now.” Zayn resumes, “I don't blame you. I just think that we are at two different stages right now.”

 

Niall shakes his head and worries his lip. He wonders, _why this now?_ and whispers, “I like you Zayn, I really do.”

 

Zayn lips purse ever so slightly; the corners of his mouth downturned.

 

“Then you know how things are.” he states simply, “you know what I am asking of you.”

 

Niall feels his stomach drop with the weight of the situation. He does know what Zayn wants. He's been postponing this for a month now, and he wonders why he can't give Zayn what the older boy is asking of him. Niall likes relationships. He doesn't have commitment issues or anything. And he likes Zayn, too. However, when he thinks of all the times he’s tried to be in a relationship with Zayn... He cringes. He remembers spending an awful lot of time with the older boy, and falling out with all his friends...

 

“I know what you want, Zayn,” he breathes heavily through his nose, “but, you see, our lifestyles, well, they don't really fit, right? Like, the first time, it was a disaster. I lost all my friends and...”

 

“But now it wouldn't be the same.” Zayn interrupts, “I'm trying here, Niall. I know that the first time we tried was awful, and I don't want things to be like that now. I'm trying to get along with your friends. I like them, most of them anyway. And Harry well. I...”

 

Niall cringes inwardly and with a tiny voice he asks, “Yeah, what happens with Harry?”

 

Zayn looks sideways and moistens his lips in a swift movement. When he looks back his dark eyes look guarded and wary. “I don't know Niall, you tell me. What happens with Harry?”

 

Niall's stomach flips at the intensity of Zayn's stare and his eyes drift to the floor as he deflates visibly. He hears Zayn sigh and he curses himself inwardly for being so obvious.

 

“Look,” Zayn starts, “if we are going to do this... if we get together, I won't get in your way again. I respect you two.” He gulps and adds, “I try to, at least. However, I need you to be honest with me. I can handle it, but I need to know everything, you know?”

 

Niall frowns. “But, you know everything already.”

 

There are a few beats of silence and Zayn shakes his head.

 

“I don't know, Niall. Sometimes I get the feeling that I don't know half of it. I can handle the truth, Ni. But all this uncertainty... I don't think I can...” His voice wavers a little at the end of the sentence and Niall looks at him worriedly. 

 

However, Zayn shrugs nonchalantly and quickly composes himself. Niall racks his brain for something to say. He knows what Zayn wants him to do but he also has the impression that the older boy might burst into tears any moment now.

 

“Um,” Niall sucks air into his lungs; his nails digging into his palms, “We had dinner the other day. Just the two of us.” He braves a glance at Zayn and his eyes drift back to the floor, unable to handle the hurt he sees in Zayn's eyes, “He took me to Nandos and we ate chicken, and I asked him if that was a date and he...laughed at me?” Niall cringes at the memory and he feels his cheeks burn. 

 

He shrugs his shoulders, “I don't know, I felt ridiculous and now things are weird again.” Niall steals another furtive glance at Zayn, who encourages him to keep going, “Oh, and we slept together.” 

 

At this, he flinches. “I mean, not like that, obviously. Harry isn't gay. We just slept in the same bed. Like, for a month or so, but there was no secret meaning behind it...” he's rambling now, “just sleeping, I think you already knew that, anyway. And, um, I think that's it.”

 

Niall shudders with anxiety as he finally faces the consequences of his words. 

 

Zayn looks upset and defeated and Niall just wants to reach out and erase all the tension off his face. He whispers, “Hey, don't be sad.”

 

Zayn's eyes flicker with determination and he tentatively asks, “Have you two kissed?”

 

Niall startles, his eyes wild and his voice oddly high-pitched, “What? No!” he exclaims, “It's not like that, Zayn. We’re just friends!”

 

“But you wish you were more.” Zayn retorts bluntly.

 

It catches Niall unprepared and something in his face must have given him away, because Zayn snorts humourlessly and Niall understands that there is no point in denying it now.

 

“Maybe. I don't know, Zayn,” he says gravelly. “It's not even a possibility, though.”

 

Zayn doesn't miss a beat and his jaw twitches when he retorts, “Is that why you are with me? Because Harry isn't a possibility and I am?”

 

Niall feels helpless and frustrated and a lump starts forming in his throat. 

 

“No, Zayn,” he says fiercely, “Fuck! I like you.” his voice wobbles a little, “I like both of you, a lot. Harry... I just realized recently. I wouldn't have done that to you.”

 

Zayn glances down and Niall almost misses the pain that flickers across his face, “So this is it, then.” Zayn says conversationally.

 

Niall feels his insides clutch, and a breath gets caught in his throat when he finally realizes what's happening. He nods feebly, and crestfallen, he mumbles, “Honestly, I don't think I could be with any of you two right now.” He closes his eyes for a brief second and adds, “I just want to clear my head but, Zayn... I don't want you to disappear; I want you to be in my life.”

 

Zayn can't suppress a snort of disbelief, “Niall, I don't know if I can be your friend.”

 

Niall clenches his teeth and his nose wrinkles, “Well, I understand.” The blond says calmly, “Maybe... maybe not now. Maybe in a while we can all...” He runs a hand through his hair and yanks a little, “God! I hate this mess.”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, constricted, “we will see. Right now I just need to, um, + you know lick my wounds on my own.”

 

The older boy makes a feeble attempt to smile and Niall returns the favour.

 

“But, hey.” Zayn adds, “About Harry. If you think that's the best for you, I don’t know, um, go for it?”

 

Niall winces awkwardly, “Zayn, you don't have to... I'm not going to get with him.” he finally clarifies and Zayn shrugs his shoulders in a non-committal way.

 

“Yeah.” He says shakily. “Whatever, Niall, I need to go, just... yeah...”

 

 

The rest of the week drags on excruciatingly slow for Niall, who finds himself more alone than he has ever felt. Louis and Liam are apparently not talking to each other now and whenever Niall tries to approach any of them it results in one of them making a rude comment and walking away from the blond. 

 

Zayn is avoiding him like the plague, for obvious reasons, and Niall is trying to put as much distance between himself as Harry as possible. It gets so bad that on Friday, Niall takes advantage of the fact that Maura and Bobby will be gone for the weekend to skip school.

He spends the day wandering around his house in his pyjamas, watching crappy television and stuffing his face with Ben and Jerry’s and cold pizza until someone pays him an unexpected visit.

 

Louis looks awfully tired and almost unkempt. He stands at his door with a blank expression as they size each other up. And Niall must have stained his face with chocolate, because Louis asks, “Do you have any more ice cream?”

 

Niall stares at him, his expression blank and solemn as he says, “Loads.”

 

Louis studies him and retorts, “Are you going to share?”

 

Niall quirks a thin eyebrow, “I don't know... are you done being a jerk?”

 

The corner of Louis' mouth twitches with a smile and he lets himself into the house. Niall follows him towards the living room where they both plop down on one of the sofas.

 

“Isn't Maura home?” Louis asks, his eyes darting around the room as if expecting Maura to materialize in front of his eyes.

 

“They’re gone for the weekend to visit some friend in the country.”

 

Louis nods his head absentmindedly and his eyes sweep curiously over Niall. “You don't look ill.”

 

Niall shrugs half-heartedly, and blurts out, “I finished things with Zayn.”

 

Louis looks taken aback at that. He shifts closer on the sofa and looks at him worriedly. Finally, he says, “I'm sorry, mate... Are you okay?”

 

Niall rubs his eye and looks at his lap. “I don't know.” he admits, “He asked me if I wanted to be with him, like um, properly be with him and egoistically I wanted, because I don't know... he always treats me like I'm special or something, and he watches out for me and he's so _fucking_ hot, too.” 

 

Louis chuckles at this and Niall attempts to smile but it comes out as a wince, “I'm not even sure if I did the right thing.” he scratches his jaw nervously and adds, “I have a feeling that he's just going to disappear, you know? I mean, with Harry I know that he will be there. Like... I know now that whatever happens, I won't lose him. But Zayn will just, you know drift away? And I don't want him to. ”

 

Louis blinks at him; his mouth slightly agape in confusion.

 

“But you can't keep him around just because you are taking Harry for granted...” He says, and Niall shakes his head profusely.

 

“No, no. It’s not that. I'm not taking Harry for granted. Not at all.” Niall sits up straighter, rolls up the sleeve of his pyjamas and adds “This mess has taught me how essential Harry is to me, but Zayn is important, too.”

 

Louis eyebrows ride high into his hairline and his eyes narrow quizzically. He opens his mouth to say something but the question dies in his lips. Niall shifts stiffly in his place and bluntly blurts, “What?”

 

Louis studies him for a short moment, then he folds his hands together and explains, “Last time I asked you this question you sort of blew up.”

 

Niall looks away but nods his head silently, and Louis adds, “I might have gotten this all wrong but, are you admitting that you like Harry now?”

 

Niall blushes; his hands fidgeting as he ventures a glance at Louis whose face is scrunched up in utter confusion. Niall clears his throat and shifts again. Finally, he admits, “Um, I think so.”

 

Louis frowns, and retorts, “You think so? You either like someone or you don't.”

 

Niall suddenly springs to his feet startling Louis in the process. Then, the blond starts pacing around the room, Louis' eyes following his every step.

 

“I don't know. Lately things have changed between us. Or maybe I am reading wrong into this? Something just doesn't feel the same when we are around each other. You know when there's so much tension in a room that you can cut it with a knife? At first it was annoying and I wasn't too sure of what it was” Niall lets of a soft chuckle and adds “but now I think I have an idea.”

Louis smirks when he noices how red Niall looks and says, “It took you long enough.” 

“But it's still too recent, I still don't know what to do about it, and as I said, there's Zayn too, and right now I like the two of them.” Niall hides his face behind his hands to stifle a groan and looks at Louis desperately. He asks, “Is that even possible?”

 

Louis nibbles at his cuticle, looking rather contemplative. Then, he scratches his scalp, and purses his lips. “Um, I'm not sure, mate. I suppose.” Finally, he nods his head and says,” I guess that eventually you'll figure out who do you really like, right?”

 

“Yeah, well. That's what I told them. Well, I told Harry this, but I don't think he knew what I was referring to, he must think that I'm a right weirdo or something....” Niall says nonchalantly.

 

Louis waves his hand dismissively and says, “Hey, just take your time; what is important right now is that you are fine, if you are fine, then the rest will fall together.”

 

Niall smiles down at him and moves to sit back on the sofa. He shifts his legs so that he can face Louis and asks, “Well, now. What's up with Liam?”

 

By the look of Louis' face it looks like Niall has opened the can of worms and for a short second he's scared that Louis will get up and leave, but then Louis just collapses heavily against the back of the sofa and lets out a long puff of air.

 

“I don't have the slightest idea.” Louis finally concedes, “We kissed last week,” at this Louis looks at Niall to gauge a reaction, but when Niall doesn't say anything he nervously adds, “That was a secret, so um, yeah, don't tell anyone.”

 

Niall nods and Louis resumes his talking.

 

“Now he's freaked out on me.” Louis deadpans. “He initiated it, but it doesn't really count because he was, um, like having a breakdown or something, and maybe I should have stopped him?” he asks, “I don't know if that is what he wanted of me... maybe that's why he's not talking to me anymore.”

 

Niall pats his shoulder absentmindedly and reasons, “He'll come around mate, it's Liam, he can't live too long without you.”

 

“Yeah, well I hope so.”

 

They stay in silence for a few minutes, both weighed down by their own problems and when Louis talks again his voice is hoarse from lack of use.

 

“Harry texted me. Apparently they are going out tonight, he and Liam. Right now they are in the middle of a heavy pre-drinking session, from what I gathered.”

 

“Wow,” Niall gasps, utterly impressed, “Liam getting drunk? He must be really upset!”

 

“Yeah,” Louis chuckles. Then he rolls his eyes and says, “I bet he's gonna get plastered and fuck a random girl just so he can feel better about this.”

 

Niall rest his head against the sofa and snorts, “Nah... Harry won't let him. He'll take care of him.”

 

Louis lets out a puff of air and looks at Niall sideways. “Harry will be too busy fucking another girl.” He blurts out. Then he flinches and curses, “Shit! Sorry mate.”

 

Niall frowns, confused. “Sorry? Why?”

 

Louis looks at him with impatience as if the answer was obvious. “Because now that I know that you like Harry, I shouldn't say these things.”

 

Now it's Niall turn to chuckle. “Nah. The fact that I like Harry doesn't change things. I know how things are. I know what Harry does with other people and not talking about it won't make it stop, right?”

 

Louis' eyes bore into him, his expression suddenly deadly serious as understanding floats between them.

 

Louis and Niall settle for a movie, too emotionally exhausted to do any more talking, and they are half way through it when Louis' phone rings loudly and startles them. Niall listens to the exchange as he studies Louis' expressions. After a couple of minutes, Louis puts the phone away from his mouth and looks at Niall.

 

“Liam got drunk and he's crying,” he rolls his eyes, clearly unimpressed and says, “Apparently he wants to see me.”

 

Niall looks at him for a brief moment and finally says, “Tell him to come over, we'll get pizza.”

 

Louis nods curtly; his attention drifting back to his phone.

 

Fifteen minutes later, the bell rings and Niall scrambles off of the sofa listening to Louis' steps close behind him. When he opens the door he is met with the sorry sight of a very drunk Liam leaning heavily against Harry, who looks surprisingly sober and slightly pissed off.

 

Niall can feel his pulse picking up when Harry's eyes fall on him and he struggles to say something. Luckily, Louis comes to his rescue as he moves closer to them. Niall moves to his side to let him through the door and that's when Liam finally notices him and quickly disentangles his arms from Harry's neck to throw himself at Louis. 

 

For a moment Harry and Niall lean forward, ready to catch Louis just in case his legs give out under Liam's weight, but Louis grabs Liam's waist and nods at them before the two of them start to stumble their way towards the living room. Niall beams at them as they advance clumsily with Liam slurring loudly, “I'm sorry Lou, you aren't mad, are you? Tell me that you aren't mad!”

 

Finally, they are out of sight and out of earshot, and that leaves Niall and Harry standing awkwardly on the threshold. Niall clears his throat pointedly and Harry makes a disgruntled noise and turns to leave.

 

“Hey, wait!” Niall exclaims. “Why don't you come in? We are going to get pizza and watch movies.” The blond isn't too sure what kind of reaction he's expecting from Harry, but certainly not a condescending scoff.

 

“I thought we weren't supposed to talk.” Harry says disdainfully.

 

Niall glances down and frowns, “No need to be a jerk, I just want the four of us to hang out together like we used to.”

 

Harry chuckles bitterly, shaking his head, and looking sideways. “Oh, so let me get this right,” he exclaims harshly, “We can only see each other when there are other people around to supervise us, right?”

 

Niall takes a step back and lets out a puff of air through his nose. He says, “Hey, I don't want to fight with you, okay? If you’re gonna be difficult, then leave.”

 

Harry narrows his eyes and through clenched teeth he asks, “Is it Zayn again? Has he restricted you from hanging out with me or something?”

 

Niall's eyes shoot up to him, his cheeks red with anger. “Don't you dare bring him up in this, okay?” he warns.

 

Harry scoffs again, visibly hurt and turns around to leave but Niall growls at him, “We've broken up, okay?! I'm not with him anymore!”

 

Harry turns to face him again, and he looks sceptical, “That's what you said last time.”

 

Niall looks at him disbelievingly; his eyes flickering with hurt as he stomps his foot on the ground in frustration. “Why do you always have to be like this?” He spits out.

 

Harry looks at him and worries his bottom lip. They get into a battle of stares for a long moment until Harry looks away and heaves a tired sigh; finally starting to walk closer to the blond. “You are right.” he says resignedly, “I am a jerk. Just... don't listen to me.”

 

Niall looks away and his face scrunches up.

 

“Hey,” Harry nudges him lightly, “I'm sorry.”

 

Niall's eyes bore into his and he nods feebly. Then, the blond glances down again and mumbles, “It's for real this time. We broke up for good.”

 

Something flickers in Harry's eyes and he moves forward to hug Niall. “I know. I’m sorry.”

With that, Niall finally relaxes into the hug, finding his old spot under the crook of Harry's neck, and they stay like that for a minute or two until Harry asks, “What happened?”

 

Niall tenses and pulls away from the hug and runs a hand through his hair messing it ever further.

 

“Not now.” He says hoarsely, “Just stay, please.”

 

 

As soon as Harry and Niall enter the living room, Louis gestures them to be quiet and, as Niall takes in the scene in front of him, he feels an overpowering need to coo. Liam and Louis have taken one of the sofas and they lay cuddling together. Liam has fallen asleep with Louis arms wrapped around him and the older boy looks slightly crushed under Liam's weight, but he also looks like he’s glowing with bliss.

 

Niall sits down and tries to pay attention to the movie, but he has already missed half of it so it doesn't really make sense to watch it anymore. Instead, he steals a sideways glance, where Harry is sitting pretending to be engrossed in the film. Mustering all his courage, Niall shifts closer to Harry and senses his friend tense when the blond leans close to his ear to whisper,

 

“Hey, what happened with Liam?”

 

Harry looks at him warily for a short moment and Niall can almost hear the gears in his brain turning as Harry tries to figure how to act around Niall. Finally, he tilts his head to angle his lips with Niall's ear and mumble, “We were drinking and he was telling me that tonight we were going to fuck every girl in the club... but then when we were ready to go to the club he started to cry on me.” 

 

Harry rolls his eyes at this and wrinkles his nose in confusion.” Then he told me that he and Louis had kissed and then he was like, _I've made up my mind, the only person I want to sleep with is Louis._ ”

 

Niall smiles and turns his head to say “Aw, that's cute.” However, his breath hitches in his throat when Harry turns his head at the same time and their faces are suddenly really close together. They look at each other, slightly startled. Harry lets out a soft chuckle, and when his warm breath washes over Niall's face, the blond notices that they are both breathing in the same air.

 

Niall can feel his heart picking up its pace. His eyes flicker nervously to Louis and Liam just to find out that his two friends are fast asleep on the other sofa. His stomach flips with nerves and anticipation and he finds himself shifting his body closer to Harry, testing the waters and watching how close Harry will let him get.

 

“Shame that your plans were screwed up, though,” Niall whispers again, this time letting his lips deliberately brush Harry's earlobe. Part of him is freaking out, shouting _what the hell are you doing, stop before he punches you!_ There’s another part, though, that is too distracted looking at Harry's lips; wondering what would be like to kiss them.

 

Harry shivers and tilts his neck so that they are facing each other again. His green eyes cast a quick glance at Louis and Liam again, for good measure and looking intently at Niall he says, “This plan is not so bad, either.”

 

They share a moment; their eyes darting up and down, comfortable studying each other's features from this new closer perspective and sharing puffs of air. Niall’s stomach is in a tight clutch and he hopes that he hasn't read into this wrongly because, he realizes there's no stopping it now. Now that he's had those heart shaped, pink lips so close, there's no way he's letting them go without kissing them.

 

The angle is awkward so their noses bump together before their lips get the chance to enter in contact. Harry, however, offers a quick solution when he ducks his neck ever so slightly.

 

Niall wastes no time; he captures Harry's lips in his, a jolt of electricity expanding along his stomach as Harry finally responds and their lips start to move together. The moment is short lived because Harry pulls back too soon; his tongue darting out to wet his lips and his green eyes boring into Niall 's as he tries to assimilate what just happened. Niall flashes a smile at him, his lips tingling to touch Harry's again. 

 

His hand moves to rest on Harry's waist because the need to touch is too much to ignore. He places his other hand at the back of Harry's head, and soon the younger boy closes the gap between their mouths again. Niall decides to go easy at first. Harry, however, seems to have other ideas in mind, because he parts his lips and soon enough Niall finds himself breathing heavily through his nose as they exchange open-mouthed kisses. 

 

Soon, Niall pulls away for a brief second to gasp loudly. Harry smiles at him and shushes him, and Niall pecks his pursed lips and darts his tongue teasingly along Harry's bottom lip. Harry opens his mouth willingly and their breaths become laboured and their touches more frantic. There's a creak from the other sofa, and Niall squeezes Harry's side and they pull apart again, sharing a look of awe and disbelief. Harry seems more confident now. He cups Niall's jaw still and steals a quick glance at Louis and Liam before leaning in for the third time to meet their mouths in a chaste, lingering kiss.

 

They jump apart when Liam lets out a loud snore and gasps for air, waking up in the process. The noise has apparently jolted Louis too, who is now yawning at stretching profusely from somewhere under Liam.

 

Niall feels his blood boil in his veins as he tries to calm his breathing. He wants to kiss Harry again. In fact, now that he's tried it, he doesn't want to stop. He steals a glance at him, and he is surprised to see how breathless and flushed Harry looks and Niall wonders if he looks dishevelled as well, and wow, have his wandering hands really done that?

 

“Fuck,” Liam groans, “I came here with the promise of pizza.”

 

“Hey moron,” Louis’ voice comes muffled, “gets up from me, you are fucking heavy, did you know that?”

 

 

At two o'clock am Liam announces that he is leaving and Louis tells him that he will share a taxi with him. Harry and Niall wave them off from the threshold, and then the blonde gestures Harry to come inside the house again but Harry shakes his head and announces that he is leaving, too. 

 

Niall feels slightly disappointed because he might have been expecting something more after what happened earlier and, as the memories come flooding back, he blushes and stutters, “Um, why don't you stay? We should probably talk.”

 

Now is Harry's turn to look uncomfortable. “I'm tired Niall, I'd rather go home.”

 

Niall feel his guts churn with worry and he warily asks, “Harry, this isn’t a game for you, right?”

 

“Do you think I would do something like that to you?” Harry humphs.

  
“No, but you have a tendency to put your feet in.” Niall retorts sharply.

 

Harry looks affronted, “Right, but there's not a bad intention behind that.” he points out.

 

“I'm not saying there is,” Niall concedes, “but it hurts just the same.”

 

Harry flinches and Niall takes in his tense body. Finally, the blond lets out all the air in his lungs. “I don't know why I am being so jumpy, sorry.”

 

There's a few beats of silence in which Niall tries to analyse the afflux of emotions flooding through him, but soon, Harry approaches him and takes Niall's hand in his. “Niall, I know things are a bit messy between us, but you’re still my best mate.”

 

Niall's chest expanses with fondness and relief and he smiles. “Yeah, I know.” he says, “That's why I want to talk, Harry. I don't want any more misunderstandings.”

 

They are still holding hands, and Harry is looking at their linked fingers with something close to awe, then he squeezes and says, “Is this,” he points to their joined hands, “the reason you wanted space?

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Right,” Harry strokes his thumb across Niall's skin and nods thoughtfully.

 

Niall squeezes back and asks, “Can I walk you home?”

 

“Um, I live just down the road.” Harry chuckles.

 

Niall shrugs his shoulders dismissively. “Come on; just let me grab my jacket.”

 

Niall disappears into the house and once he is sure he's out of eyesight he looks at himself at one of the mirrors of the corridor and bites his lips to supress a squeal. He wants to jump around and he wants to shout at the top of his lungs. He's got this big bundle of energy in his chest that feels a little bit overwhelming right now. Suddenly he hears Harry shouting from the door, “Is this an excuse to get me to talk?”

 

Niall beams at his reflection and shouts back, “Damn well it is,”

 

And then he hears Harry groaning and Niall wonders if he'll get another chance to kiss him tonight.

 

 

However, when they start to walk towards Harry's the air between them thickens again.

 

“The reason for me not wanting to talk is because I still don't know what to say,” Harry starts conversationally.

 

Niall looks at him sideways, and he has to duck his neck because Harry just seems to get taller by the second. “What do you mean?”

 

Harry fiddles with the zip of his leather jacket absent-mindedly and, as they walk under the light of the street lamps, he looks almost shy.

 

“This is all too new for me,” he explains, “Liking a boy, um, liking you, I don't know how I feel yet.”

 

Niall finds himself nodding, and replies, “Yeah, me neither. I still like Zayn but um, I think I like you too.”

 

At this, Harry turns his head frantically to look at him, and just looking at his expression, Niall knows that Harry is going to snap at him. “If you still like Zayn then why would you break up with him?”

 

Niall looks at him, puzzled. “Harry, don't be childish.” Niall tries to reach for him but Harry shrugs him off and picks up his pace and Niall curses inwardly at Harry's immaturity. “I just want to be honest, it will make things easier.”

 

Harry snorts humourlessly and his voice is tilted with bitterness when he scoffs, “It's the story of my life, right? Always second best.”

 

Niall blinks at him for a moment, and then he grabs Harry's hand in his, trying to get him to walk slower. “I'm sorry Harry. I can't switch my feelings off overnight. I like Zayn, but I do like you too.”

 

Harry looks away and says, “Well, then I guess we are back to square one...”

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asks.

 

“I don't know – the whole space and time shit... I don't want to be with you knowing that you still think of him.” Harry says gloomily.

 

“I know.” Niall squeezes Harry's hand and says quickly, “I don't want that, either.”

 

“Yeah, right. What I said, you are going to ignore me again....ask me for space. Whatever you want to call it.”

 

Niall opens his mouth to protest but Harry resumes, “But, Niall, if you have to clear your mind, then, um, can you not?” Harry looks at their still joined hands and shakes his fingers “It just makes things more difficult.”

 

Niall blushes and lets go of Harry's hand reluctantly. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you, either. I made things even messier now, right?”

 

Harry looks at him and bites the inside of his cheek, finally he sighs, “Yeah, sort of.”

 

Niall's eyes bore into his and he admits, “I'm sorry Harry, I just had to kiss you.”

 

Harry tears his eyes away from the blond and clears his throat awkwardly. Then, he trails off, “Well from now on.. Until you make a decision....”

 

“Yeah, I know. We'll stop doing um, this,” Niall points again between the two of them, “until I make a decision.”

 

They are in front of Harry's house right now and the younger boy looks uncomfortable and fidgety under Niall's gaze. He starts to offer an excuse to leave and, as Niall watches his lips moving, he wonders when will be the next time he'll be able to kiss Harry again, and God knows if he'll ever get a chance to kiss him again... so, mustering all his courage he throw caution to the wind and takes a step forward, and this action alone is enough to shut Harry up. 

 

Niall looks up at him tentatively and asks, “Um, seeing as we screwed up today, we should maybe start the “space thing” tomorrow, right?”

 

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but the question he was about to make dies in his lips; or more accurately it dies against Niall's lips who, pushing his luck, entangles his fingers on Harry's messy curls to bring him closer to him. Harry's cold hands find Niall's chest, and it might look like he's trying to push Niall away, but there is no force or real intent there and Niall wonders if Harry can feel his heart pounding wildly. He wonders if that will somehow reassure his friend; make him realize that even if he still likes Zayn that doesn't make what he feels for Harry any less real.

 

Finally, Harry pulls away, leaving a few inches between their lips but resting their foreheads together. The blond steals a quick peck from his best friend and looking at him with a secretive smile says, “There, the goodnight kiss you were asking for the other night.”

 

Harry smiles at him and ducks his neck to lock their lips once again in a short kiss.

 

Niall smiles against his lips and asks, “Was it a date?”

 

Harry sweeps his tongue along Niall's bottom lip, sucking it in and nibbling. Breathless, he says,

 

“Yeah.” He plants a chaste kiss on Niall's lips, “Yes, it was a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... this is it... what do you think?  
> did you like the kiss?  
> do you think niall is being selfish?  
> what did you think of niall and zayn conversation?  
> xxxxx


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! so here's chapter 14 and the penultimate one so it's sort of very, very long.... my exams are coming soon so I had to finish thi and I think 15 chapters are enough....  
> so first of all I want to thank my beta for her amazing job, her name on tumblr is shonji.  
> Also, if you wan to find me on tumblr, my name's ziallfornication :)  
> I wanted to say a HUGE BIG FAT thanks to you cos last chapter got loads of kudos and comments and I love you so much and you put a big smile on my face, so yeah thank you really :)
> 
> I hope you like this chapter because I worked really hard on it oh THERE'S SMUT and loads of sexual frustration so if you are young or going to be offended please don't read.
> 
> And um, if you can please comment after you read cos I love to read your feed back :and get to know you and your opinions :)

Winter break draws closer and exams are just around the corner.

 

As teachers start to assign them loads of work everyone seems to get restless. Niall though, he is almost grateful because it serves as a distraction from other things; namely Zayn and Harry.

 

For their part, Louis and Liam have taken a liking to disappearing constantly. Niall doesn't know where they disappear to, but he has a feeling that wherever they go, they go together. The blond hasn't mentioned it yet and doesn't really plan to. He knows that Louis will eventually tell him whatever is going on and Niall is way too happy for his friends to hold it against them.

 

The thing is.... The thing is that Niall feels terribly lonely.

 

Zayn is doing well. His mate Danny has introduced him to his friends because now Zayn hangs out with the artsy kids. He looks like he truly found his place in the world as he passionately discusses about books and music and paintings in the middle of the cafeteria with kids in checkered shirts and funny colours in their hairs.

 

Niall observes him and when the older boy smiles at something, Niall feels a twinge of nostalgia and when Zayn looks back at him quizzically Niall curses himself inwardly and drops his eyes to his lap, bitterly thinking, _I never drew that many smiles from him._

 

Niall really didn't. Maybe because he was too busy worrying about Harry. Harry who has been avoiding him for a couple of weeks and who now spends all his time surrounded by his friends from his old band.

 

 They do talk from time to time; when Harry gets arsed to sit with them at lunch period. Niall pats him on the back and says, “Wow mate, you are missing in action these days,” And Harry just shrugs it off.

 

Harry doesn't really talk that much either, and Louis glances at him every now at them, eyes wild with questions that Harry never answers.

 

Niall wants to talk to him but he doesn't really know if he should.

 

Niall's holding firm. He's not going to be with Harry like that for now. However, Niall would have never imagined this would be so hard; keeping away from Harry. This not having Harry constantly around is dull and boring. Mostly, it is lonely.

 

 Niall craves for Harry's attention. He wants Harry to notice him when he walks into the class in the mornings and he's constantly trying to catch a glimpse of him in the corridors of the school.  All of this while trying not to lead Harry on.

 

Mostly, Niall wants to be discreet with his feelings for Harry because he is afraid this will hurt Zayn even more.

 

Niall feels guilty for feeling like he does; guilty for the way he thinks. It just doesn't feel right.

 

Niall feels like he should be mourning Zayn; he should be locked up in his room refusing to eat and having trouble sleeping, but he's not and why is he not? Why is he not thinking about Zayn as much as he should?

 

So Niall might be missing Harry but deep down he is grateful that his best friend is keeping a distance. He is glad because Niall isn't really sure that he could stop Harry if he tried to make a move on him and Niall would hate himself for it.

 

So for a few weeks they just kind of drift apart.

 

 

Every year on Christmas Eve Anne, Robbie and Harry go over to the Horan's household and the two families celebrate the day together.

 

This year is not different and it is quite surprising how civil he and Harry manage to be given the circumstances, but it's Christmas Eve and they are surrounded by their families and huge amounts of food, so they eat and celebrate and ignore the tingling sensation they get whenever Niall reaches over the table to get something and their arms brush together.

 

When they are done with desserts Niall and Harry share a look and get up almost at the same time, making their way up stairs as they hold onto their full stomachs. When they get to Niall's bedroom, Harry takes off his shoes and tie and plopping on the chair he starts Niall's laptop.

 

Niall turns on the TV, flicking through the channels only to try to get rid of the silence that weights down on them. However, no matter how loud the volume is, the uneasiness is still there.

 

The blond jumps from his spot on the bed when Harry turns his chair unexpectedly and asks, “Um, why are we being awkward?”

 

Niall looks at him sideways and nibbles at his cuticle, “I don't know? Are you mad at me?”

 

Harry wrinkles his nose and puts his foot on the bed just barely missing Niall's thigh, “I am not.  Are you mad at me?”

 

Niall purses his lips and shakes his head, “ Mmmmm, no, I don't think so.”

 

They both share a chuckle. Then, Harry prods at Niall's leg with his sock clad toe and chides, “I thought you wanted space.”

 

“Yeah, I do,” The blond concedes, “But I meant space between our penises not this not talking shit.”

 

Harry looks at him and then chuckles, his eyes falling closed for the briefest moment, “Classy...”

 

Niall smiles at him, “Come here?”

 

Harry looks at him warily and Niall casts his eyes down wondering if that was too much to ask. He doesn't really know where are their boundaries anymore; doesn't know when is he asking too much of Harry and when he is not.

 

However, Harry doesn't seem too uncomfortable with the idea or at least he doesn't show it. He just turns the chair, types something quickly and closes the laptop with a soft thud. Then, he takes a few steps towards the bed and plops beside the blond scooching close to him. Niall shuffles towards Harry and the younger boy wraps his arms around Niall.

 

For a while, they just lay together motionless looking at the ceiling.

 

They hear Maura's loud laugh coming from the kitchen and Niall rubs his face and snorts, “I think they are way past their first bottle of wine.”

 

Harry laughs at that, “Remember that year my mother got so drunk that she had to sleep on your couch?”

 

Niall cringes, “God yeah, your mum and mine singing to Mama Mia dressed as Donna and the Dinamos...”

 

Harry brushes his lips against Niall's hair and sighs, “I can't wait for exams to be over so we can get smashed.”

 

Niall doesn't say anything and Harry turns his neck to look at him once again; his left eyebrow quirked. “I'll get you drunk.”'

 

Niall clicks his tongue, “You'll bankrupt before you can even get me tipsy.”

 

Harry cocks his head and jabs him in the side, “Is that a challenge?”

 

Niall tries to keep his expression blank as he offers his hand, “I'm in.”

 

Harry smirks, shaking Niall's hand all business like. However, when Niall goes to pull back, Harry yanks at his hand and brings him closer in a swift movement until the blond is almost on top of him.

 

Niall yelps in surprise, his hands coming to Harry's chest for support and before the blond has time to understand what's going on, Harry's lips are moving against his and he is kissing back.

 

He is kissing back but he doesn't want to kiss back because he knows he will regret it once the haze that is now clouding his thoughts and numbing his senses leaves. That haze that is somehow related to the fact that this is Harry and he's hot and Niall hasn't really had anyone for longer than a month. So, sweeping his tongue one last time over Harry's plump lips, Niall recoils and pulls back.

 

Harry stiffens; he seems extremely embarrassed and when Niall looks at him questioningly, he averts his eyes.

 

Niall can hear the cogs turning in his head as he tries to understand what just happened.  He wasn't expecting Harry to do that and he's cursing himself for asking Harry into bed with him.

 

“Um, what was that?” he asks snippily.

 

Harry motions to get off the bed but Niall grabs his arm and stops him, “That was me embarrassing myself.” Harry grumbles.

 

Niall shifts on the bed trying to put a distance between their bodies; his hands suddenly clammy.

 

He trails off, “Harry, I told you that...”

 

“I know!” Harry defends sharply, “I just... I thought you wanted this.”

 

Niall furrows his brows, slightly pissed off that Harry still refuses to meet his eyes, “And I want it, just not yet. I just broke up with Zayn.”

 

Harry’s shoulders square as he reacts to Zayn's name and he looks at Niall defiantly, “It's difficult, okay?”

 

Niall holds his tongue, refraining from making a witty remark. Instead he takes a deep breath and slumps himself against Harry again. He breaths out, “Yeah, tell me about it.”

 

 

 

 

Louis calls Niall the next day and Niall doesn't know what Harry told him exactly but Louis is mad at him.

 

“You are leading him on, Niall.” He chides, “Why would you ask him for time and then ask him to come to bed with you? You know how confused he is?”

 

Niall feels his heart lurch, feels as if he was slapped.

 

“I'm confused, too!” He retorts briskly.

 

Louis scoffs on the other end of the phone and Niall adds, “I still don't know how to handle this situation.”

 

“Well, take this advice, next time know that inviting him to bed with you is crossing the line.” Louis hisses.

 

Niall huffs, wounded. “You are doing it again, Louis. You are taking his side again!”

 

“No, I'm not.” Louis protests, “But I think he's more vulnerable right now.”

 

“He kissed me! I didn't kiss him,” Niall hollers, “I'm the one being led on.”

 

“I'd punch you, you know? If you were physically here I'd definitely punch you.”

 

Niall groans in frustration, “So now I am the villain, right?”

 

“Is that what worries you Niall?” Louis demands, “Because your best friend is feeling like a piece of shit right now.”

 

Niall feels as if all of the air has been sucked from his lungs and he deflates, “What do I do now?”

 

“Just be his friend but try not to lead him on. Don't confuse him even further.”

 

Niall lets the thought stir in his mind for a few seconds and then he croaks, “Fuck! Louis, the last thing I want is hurting Harry.”

 

“I know, mate. I just thought you could use a wakeup call.”

 

 

 

On New Year’s Eve Harry is informed that a kid in their year will be throwing a massive party at his house, (which conveniently isn't too far from where they live.) They still can't get into clubs and it doesn't really help the fact that Niall still looks like he's 14. They've heard that everyone in their year will be there so Harry begs everyone to go to, even Liam who is freaking out  about exams.

 

They walk together to the party but, as soon as they get to the there, they unsurprisingly lose sight of Liam and Louis. Niall stands on his tip toes and takes a look around; his eyes squinting as his eyes try to get used to the low light. “Urgh, they are disappearing again.”

 

Harry takes a quick glace around too, but he doesn't seem to bothered when his attempts are just as fruitless as Niall's. Instead, he places his hand on Niall's shoulder and starts ushering him towards what he figures is the kitchen.

 

“We've got a challenge, young man.”

 

Niall blinks as he tries to understand what the hell Harry means and, when he finally does, he tries to stop on his heels. However, Harry manages to manhandle him in the direction of the kitchen.

 

The truth is that Niall doesn't feel too comfortable with the idea of mixing Harry and alcohol together.

 

After he got the call from Louis he's been especially careful about how he acts around his best friend and he's afraid that if he drinks all of his self-control will disappear and all his efforts will be worthless. So trying to put up resistance he groans, “This is free drink. You were supposed to have to pay for it.”

 

Harry is having none of it, though.

 

“Makes it even better. You'll get so plastered that you won't remember where you live.”

 

 

 

 

Two hours and several drinks later Niall and Harry are leaning against the back of a couch talking animatedly.

 

Niall feels light headed and it is a feeling that he welcomes. His mind is clouded and he's not thinking for the first time in weeks.

 

It feels nice; being able to switch off his conscience and just let things flow. They are keeping their hands and tongues to themselves, just acting like they used to do before they had to worry about letting at least a meter of distance between their bodies.

 

Suddenly, Harry slings an arm around Niall's shoulders and leaning his weight heavily against Niall's side as he points at something and says,

 

“Look at them,” Niall struggles to duck his neck under the dead weight of Harry's arm and finally catches sight of Louis and Liam walking close together across the hall. Harry chuckles and shouts in Niall's ear, “They are walking towards the toilets; I think they are going to do naughty things.”

 

Niall observes the way Liam palms Louis hip, guiding him through the crowds. He leans towards Harry and says, “They think they are being so subtle!”

 

Harry chuckles and they fall into an easy silence as they observe their friends struggle to advance.

 

“Oi!” Harry shouts, “He put his hands on his ass! Liam just put a hand on Louis' ass!”

 

Niall breaks into fit of laughter; his whole body shaking as he tries his best not to spill his drink.

He jabs at Harry's side playfully, his hand getting wet and sticky with Vodka in the process, “Shut up!”  He exclaims. “Oh wait, I think he's shoving his tongue down Louis' throat!”

 

However, Harry doesn't say anything to that, so Niall turns his head to look at him.

 

Harry is covering his mouth, his eyes wide in realization so Niall nudges him and asks, “What's up?”

 

Harry turns his neck very slowly and when he is finally looking at Niall he grumbles, “Liam is going to have sex and I'm not, what's my life come to?”

 

Niall blushes and lets out a nervous smile. He takes a look around and with a little voice says, “Well, you can. No one is stopping you from having sex.”

 

Harry looks at him with curiosity, his eyes studying Niall's profile intently. “No one is?”

 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest. He casts his eyes down and shakes his head. Taking a deep intake of breath he finally looks at Harry coyly. “No, I don't think so.”

 

There are a few moments of silence as Harry downs the rest of his gin tonic and then he moves to stand in front of Niall instead of beside him.

 

“And you are still making a decision....?”

 

Niall's starts fiddling with his shirt, feeling shy all of sudden, “Yeah... yeah, I am.”

 

Harry purses his lips and makes a pouty face, his eyes glassy with alcohol and with a teasing tone he says, “You take a lot of time to make decisions.”

 

Niall scoffs, his foot gently kicking Harry's shin. “They are very wise decisions.”

 

Harry tilts his face and casts his eyes down; his foot trying to smooth a crease on the carpet. However, he abandons the task when Niall places his warm hand on his forearm and leans forward secretively.

 

“See that girl?” He whispers, “The ginger over there? She's been looking at you for a while, things are not looking so bad for you, after all.”

 

Harry takes a quick look and catches the girl looking at him, “Oh, that's Lindsay, I know Lindsay.”

 

Harry smiles and waves at her unabashedly and she waves back and goes back to talking with her friends; her face slightly flushed.

 

Niall strokes his thumb over Harry's sleeve trying to get his attention back. He says, “Well, then go for it.”

 

Harry's eyes flicker from Lindsay to Niall, a cocky smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he leans his body forwards, “And what will you do all alone?”

 

Niall shrugs and makes a circular motion with his index finger, “I know half the people here.”

 

Someone coughs behind them and Harry takes a step back from Niall and beams at the new comer. Lindsay kisses Harry on the cheek and stays in his personal space; her hand lingering on his shoulder, “Hey, Harry!”

 

Harry smiles back, his hand automatically going to touch her as well, “Hi, Lindsay, it's been a long time!”

 

She seems pleased with the fact Harry still remembers her name, “Yeah, how are you doing?”

 

Niall scrutinizes her, still leaning on his hands against the back of the sofa. Her eyes flicker to Niall every once in a while, probably wondering why the blond doesn't fuck off somewhere else. Niall, for his part tries to remember Harry mentioning her; mentioning fucking her. He doesn't.

 

“Wanna come out with me for a smoke?”

 

There's a few beats of silences in which Harry contemplates Lindsay's offer and then, out of the blue Niall blurts out, “He doesn't smoke.”

 

It comes out almost rude, and Niall curses himself inwardly and wonders where the hell that came from. He steals a quick shameful glance at Harry to check if he's mad at him because fuck, that wasn't really helpful. However, Harry looks almost pleased. The smug smirk is back on his face as he tilts his head and asks, “Don't I?” He smiles cheekily at Niall and there's a challenge in his eyes when he adds, “How would you know?”

 

Niall forces himself to keep a blank expression. He takes a few moments to look unimpressed and then he deadpans, “Because the doctor told you it isn't advisable for your erectile dysfunction.”

 

Harry looks at him with wide eyes; his jaw slightly ajar. Then, he breaks into a fit of laughter. They laugh together, their bodies leaning against each other for support and their shirts soiled with all the drink they have spilled on them.

 

 Lindsay though, she doesn't look so amused. She glares at them, obviously offended, and then she offers a quick excuse that none of them really hear and makes a run for her friends.

 

“You little shit!” Harry shoves Niall playfully grabbing his wrist when he sees the blond stumbling on his feet unsteady, “Why would you do that?”

 

“Because you were right,” Niall concedes, “what would I do all alone?”

 

Harry snorts, “There was no need to tell her that, though. She might spread the word around.”

 

Niall puts on his most innocent expression and brings his hand to cover his mouth, “Oops!”

 

Harry smirks and takes a step forward; suddenly towering over Niall.

 

 “You know what?” He says, “If you were any other person I'd show you right now that I have no dysfunction.”

 

Niall leans further back against the back of the sofa and readjusts his collar, suddenly feeling very hot. He quirks an eyebrow and feigns curiosity, “Oh, really? If I was any other person...?”

 

Harry nods and smiles, his arms crossing over his chest smugly. “Yeah, any other person. Seeing as you don't want me to show you.”

 

Niall's eyes bore into him, amused, “I don't want?”

 

“Well,” Harry retorts coolly, “You do want, but you always tell me you don't because you are playing hard to get.”

 

Niall chuckles; his eyebrows riding high into his hairline as he leans slightly forward.

 

“And if one day I told you I want to, what would happen then? Because I think that when that moment comes you would chicken out.”

 

Harry snorts and looks sideways, then huffs and looks at Niall intently, “Well, I don't know, when you want to know, tell me and we will see what happens.”

 

Niall is about to reply something but the words die in his lips when Louis comes bouncing unexpectedly and tackles him so that both of them fall back on the couch in a mess of limbs.

 

 

 

Next day as Niall recalls what happened he feels immensely grateful for Louis interruption, but at the same time he wonders what would have happened if Louis hadn't been there to stop them.

 

 

 

Niall receives a text from Louis two weeks before their first term exams start.

 

From: Lou

To: Niall

 

“I've some juicy gossip to tell you! Coffee?”

 

 From: Niall

To: Lou

 

“Right on, mate. I'm free now!”

 

 

 

“I've seen Zayn at the mall snogging a girl who looks like the female version of you.”

 

Niall gaps at Louis, his mouth flapping open and closed like a fish. They are in one of the Costa Cafes in town and Louis is munching on a white chocolate cookie.

 

“Oh...” the blond says.

 

Louis shakes off the crumbs on his lap and he makes an apologetic face, “Yeah, and mate, I don't want to rub salt into the wound but they looked cozy.”

 

Niall shrugs his shoulder as he processes the new information.

 

“Well,” Niall says, “It's been almost two months, it was bound to happen.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, “But?”

 

“Surprisingly enough there are not buts.  I think I am happy for him.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes but behind his façade Niall can tell that his friend is worried for him.

 

“Really?” Louis insists,

 

Niall purses his mouth and nods, “Yeah.” He assures, “I mean, it stings. But I suppose that's got more to do with my ego than anything.”

 

Louis nods, takes a sip and leans back on his chair nonchalantly. “I'm with Liam.”

 

Niall doesn't show a flicker of emotion as he says blankly, “Yeah, I figured so much the other day when we saw he stick his tongue down your throat.”

 

Louis chuckles unfazed and shrugs dismissively, “I thought it'd be nice of me to inform you anyway.”

 

Niall smiles at him as his hands fiddle with the napkin holder distractedly, “So, did  Liam change his mind?”

 

“Yeah, he did after I promised him that we'd keep it a secret for a long, long while.” Then Louis takes a quick look around the café and in a more hushed tone he says, “The day we were in your house we went to my house later... and you know we made things...” He makes a funny face at Niall who gasps in mock surprise, “like not the whole thing but you know... stuff...”

 

Niall rolls his eyes and falls back into his chair chuckling, and Louis shrugs his shoulders and adds as an afterthought, “I suppose he liked it because he's still with me.”

 

“That's great, Lou!”

 

“Yeah,” Suddenly Louis' features soften and a warm smile spreads across his face, “Like yesterday... we were in my room and I don't know why, but he was talking about the house his family has in the country. He said that he wanted us two to go there this summer, like... he's planning things ahead already with the two of us. It sounds silly but, I dunno I liked it.”

 

Niall waves a hand dismissively, “It's not silly. A bit cheesy maybe, but cheesy is cool.”

 

“Well, not that cheesy,” Louis snorts and rolls his eyes, “He told me afterwards that he doesn't want to see me until exams are over.”

 

Niall chuckles, “Yeah, that sounds like Liam.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

 

 

 

The truth is that Niall was only honest with Louis about the part of being happy for Zayn.

 

Of course he is happy that Zayn is happy. However, Niall is not really happy with the idea of Zayn seeing somebody else.

 

He doesn't tell anyone, of course. But when he goes back to his house that day after having a coffee with Louis, he locks himself in his room and refuses to pick the phone when Harry calls him, afraid he'll notice how upset the blonde is. Niall dreads seeing Zayn with this new girl. He dreads seeing them holding hands and regretting his decision of breaking up with Zayn.

 

However, when he does actually see them together it's not as bad as Niall had expected.

 

 

 

The first time Niall sees Zayn and his girlfriend he thinks, _well she does indeed look a lot like me,_ but the thought doesn't linger in his mind too much because as he watches Zayn carrying her bag for her, he smiles and thinks that Louis was right; they look cozy.

 

And Niall feels a mix of emotions in his chest. A little bit of bitterness, because Zayn was his and now he is not, and there's a part of Niall who still isn't ready to share. Then, there's acceptance because Niall really wants Zayn to move on and be happy with someone else. Someone who can offer Zayn the stability he could not find with Niall, someone who loves him and just him. Niall also feels (and this is a bit of a surprise) relief flowing through his veins, because Zayn has now moved on, and that should mean that Niall can move on without feeling too guilty.

 

It scares him; the fact that he wants to move on with another person. Because he liked Zayn and he enjoyed spending time with him and being intimate with him. However, and he has to be completely honest with himself, that could never compare to the thrill he feels when he's with Harry.

 

He loves how they are right now; he and Harry.

 

 He loves when Harry flirts with him and teases him and it's so hard to try to stop Harry because Niall doesn't really want him to stop. And maybe now that Zayn has finally moved on Niall doesn't have to stop Harry anymore, and just to think about it, just to think of being with Harry like that, it makes Niall shiver with anticipation.

 

Maybe it was the kiss. Maybe when they kissed that one time under the street lamp in front of Harry's house something clicked in Niall's mind.

 

The only thing Niall knows for sure is that he doesn't want that kiss to be a one off.

 

He wants to kiss Harry at random moments, maybe as they cuddle together watching a movie. He wants to do other things with Harry, too and this sentiment is fuelled everyday by their constant flirting. With all those comments they make that could mean something more or it could be just a game.

 

 It's driving Niall crazy; the uncertainty.

 

Because as much as Harry is always hinting that he wants Niall to come home with him, Niall suspects that he would back off if Niall really accepted. He's also afraid that Harry feels the same way about him; afraid that Niall will pull away; back off and reject him like he did that day on Christmas Eve. Niall can tell that Harry won't expose himself like that again, because he learnt a lesson last time and now Harry is so scared that whenever Niall tries to initiate something, he backs off and recoils.

 

It's frustrating.

 

 

 

 

The exams come and go and Niall fails math dramatically and it's something he expected but that Maura expected _not_. At least he does well in the rest of the subjects so he doesn't really beat himself over his little failure. Maura, however, _does._

 

She chases Niall around the house, yelling constantly to turn the laptop off and do something of benefit so Niall most often than not escapes from his house and takes refuge in one of his friends' houses.

 

From: Harry.

To: Niall.

 

Your mum is barging my house looking for you ?¿?

 

From: Niall.

To: Harry.

 

I'm at Louis' but don't reveal my position.

 

From: Harry.

To: Niall.

 

Um, She says she's calling the police!?

 

Luckily, this situation dies down a little after Niall starts taking a review course some days after school and they can all carry on with their lives.

 

 

 

 

Three weeks after their exams when they are invited to a house party, Louis calls them to cancel because he is not feeling all that well. Nothing to worry about, he says. Just something Daisy has passed onto him. However, his chest fills heavy with snot and he's had a bit of a fever so he's not really in the partying mood.

 

An hour later, though, he asks them on Facebook why they don't meet in one of their houses anyway, and when Harry says, “I thought you were ill,” Louis retorts, “Well, I am bored too,” adding a sad face at the end. And Harry must feel moved or something, because he offers his own house to crash because nobody will be there until late.

 

 

 

They get kebabs on their way and rent the new Spiderman movie and as soon as they step into Harry's house, Liam prepares a tea for Louis and forces Harry to get him a huge blanket.

 

Liam and Louis take on couch and Harry and Niall get the other one, and the blonde can't help but think of how much this scenario reminds him of the first time he and Harry kissed.

 

Niall shifts uncomfortably on his seat as he tries to shake the thought from his mind. Harry's has seemingly taken a similar path of thought because he's suddenly shifting closer to Niall and whispering, “Does this remind you of something?”

 

Niall flushes red and his stomach flutters as he tries to push the nerves down.

 

“Maybe, I don't know...” He says coolly.

 

Harry stops paying any attention to the movie and turns his body to face Niall completely.

 

“Oh, so you don't remember?” He says as he lifts his hand to tap Niall's nose, “Then I might have to remind you.”

 

Niall smiles and opens his mouth to retort but Liam clears his throat loudly and when Niall looks at him the older boy is looking at them pointedly.

 

“Maybe you can remind me later, when the place isn't so crowded...” Niall says nodding his head towards Louis and Liam.

 

Harry hums and shifts even closer, swinging a leg over Niall as his green eyes shine with mischief, “But I like big crowds!” He complains.

 

Niall feels something stir in his pants, and he thinks, _fuck, not here_.

 

But, hey _,_ he's a boy and it's been two months since he broke up with Zayn and Harry's here whispering all these things to him and he can't really help but to lean forward and mutter in Harry's ear, “Why don't we go upstairs?”

 

He knows something is wrong when Harry stiffens beside him. Niall pokes him, trying to get a reaction and Harry looks at him warily; his eyes scrutinizing Niall's expression.

 

“Later, I want to see the movie.” And his voice is somehow cold.

 

Niall feels his chest constrict and his semi is making him uncomfortable and he feels like he could just cry right there with how frustrated he feels.

 

 

 

Louis doesn't make it through the whole film.  Halfway through it, he gets all sweaty and his eyes get watery and Liam who is curled up against him informs them that he's got a fever again. Then, he whispers something in Louis' ear and turns to look at Niall and Harry who are sprawled on the other couch stuffing their faces with popcorn.

 

Niall stops the movie and watches as Liam helps Louis to his feet and says, We are going home.”

 

Harry gets up and brings Louis his jacket. Then he touches his forehead, “Do you need anything?”

 

Louis leans his body against Liam, tucking his head under Liam's arm, “I just want to sleep.”

 

They call to get a taxi and Harry and Niall walk them outside and wave them goodbye.

 

“He looked lousy,” Niall comments.

 

“Yeah, hopefully he'll sweat it out tonight and feel better tomorrow.”

 

They stand there as the taxi dissapears, their teeth chattering from the cold.

 

“Fuck, I'm freezing my ass off,” Niall hisses.

 

Harry glances at him and silently starts walking back towards the house with Niall following him close behind.

 

When they reach the door Harry turns over to face him and says, “So, um, see you tomorrow?”

 

Niall's chest plummets. Harry's house is empty and they are alone.  Why doesn't Harry invite him inside? Why does he always flirt with him so shamelessly when there are other people around but chickens out the moment they are alone? Is this a joke to him? Does he even mean all the things he says?

 

All these questions are running through his mind. Those and a thousand more.

 

Because Harry must have sensed that recently (more concretely since Niall heard of Zayn's girlfriend) that there's been a change in Niall's attitude... he must have sensed that the blond is now flirting back with him. But then, why doesn't Harry make something of it? He's never been one to beat around the bush... but that's exactly what he is doing with Niall.

 

“Um,” Niall curses himself when he feels his face getting hot and flustered, “We still haven't finished the movie.”

 

Harry chuckles and says, "Spiderman defeats the villain. The end.”

 

Niall shuffles his feet and his heart starts hammering against his ribcage, “Oh, if you already know the ending then maybe we could do something else.”

 

Niall swears he can hear Harry’s breath hitching in his throat but soon the younger boy seems to recoil, “I am really tired... I think Louis might have passed me whatever he's incubating.”

 

Niall feels his stomach clench. He looks at him for a while with unsure eyes, wondering if he should buy that or not, “Um, do you need anything?”

 

Harry cast his eyes down, obviously uncomfortable in Niall's presence. “Nah, I'll be fine. My mother should be here soon, anyway.”

 

“Yeah... sure. Um, good night, then?”

 

Harry looks at him and Niall wonders if he can see that Niall is upset.

 

“Do you want me to walk you to your house or something?”

 

 _No, I want you to invite me to your house_ , Niall thinks bitterly. Instead, he says,

 

“No, it's fine.” Niall winces a little when it comes out as a hiss, “You should get into bed if you don't feel well.”

 

 

 

 

“Man! I swear he's clueless!”

 

Niall, Liam and Louis are taking a stroll on the center of town because Louis needs to get a present for Lottie's birthday. As Liam helps Louis find something nice, Niall trails behind them, typing frantically on his phone.

 

“Uh?” Liam turns around looking at Niall curiously.

 

Niall tucks his phone in his pocket and groans, “I swear I could lay on his bed naked and he'd be still oblivious.”

 

Louis chuckles and falls into step with Niall, wounding his arm over Niall's shoulders and bumping their shoulders together. “I think someone is suffering of a severe case of blue balls.” Then he let's go of the blond and pats his back, “Don't worry mate, I've heard it's got a cure.”

 

 Niall shoves him and grumbles, “Stop it, it's not funny!”

 

For his part, Louis eyes flicker to Niall's crotch with pity and says solemnly, “Of course it is not funny!”

 

Niall grunts and picks up his pace leaving Louis behind. However, Liam decides to catch up with him.

 

“Just ignore him.”

 

Niall looks at him and he flinches when his phone beeps again inside his pocket. Liam looks at him curiously.

 

“It's him?”

 

Niall nods and Liam wrinkles his nose, “It doesn't seem to me like he's oblivious. It's exactly the opposite. He's quite straight forward, right?”

 

“He is.” Niall concedes, “He is when he is on the phone or when there are other people around. But when we are alone, then he's not. He just makes a quick excuse to leave.”

 

Liam takes a tissue from his pocket and blows his nose loudly, then he looks at Niall apologetically and with his nose red, “Well, that's weird.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

 

 

There's this kid, Mike, who is in their same year at school and who always throws these crazy parties in his huge basement. His parents are divorced and his father travels a lot, so the parties happen almost every single Saturday. Everyone is welcomed as long as Mike knows them and they bring their own booze. Niall has never actually been to one of these parties but he knows that everyone in their school talks about them.

 

Harry is good friends with Mike, though, so when February comes, they talk and Mike agrees to let Harry celebrate his birthday in his basement. It's no surprise when everyone turns up to the party; those who are here for Harry's birthday and other people who are regulars at Mike's parties.

 

Niall and Liam are on their way to find the toilets when they bump into Zayn and his new girl.

 

Niall freezes for a moment, his eyes flickering between Zayn and the girl. He notices the way Zayn's hand rests on her hip and then he finally looks at Zayn with a small smile.

 

“Hey mate,” He says, “How ya been?”

 

He can feel Liam's presence behind him and it is sort of reassuring.

 

“Good,” Zayn says uneasily, and Niall sees him grip the girl's hip tighter. Then his hand moves from the girl's hip to her shoulder and he says, “This is Perrie, my, um, my girlfriend.”

 

Niall sees Perrie smiling at him and Niall smiles back and nods at her politely.

 

“Nice to meet you.” he says. Then his eyes flicker to Liam, “Um, well, I'll see you around.”

 

They start walking away until Zayn grabs Niall's wrist and stops him, “Can we talk for a second?”

 

Niall gulps and looks at Perrie who doesn't seem fazed at all and Niall wonders if she knows who he is and the things he did with Zayn. To Zayn.

 

“Erm, yeah, sure,” Niall finally says.

 

Zayn let's go of his wrist. He whispers something in Perrie's ear and pecks her on the lips, then he nods at Liam and starts walking; Niall following him close behind.

 

They don't go that far. Niall can still see Perrie who is now taking small sips at her drink and playing with her phone. They aren't standing very close but still close enough to hear each other over the music. Niall is nervous because he doesn't know what Zayn is going to say and he really don't want him to complicate things more now that Niall has made up his mind.

 

Zayn doesn't beat around the bush. He looks at Niall and says, “My mother's found a donor.”

 

Niall gaps letting the information sink in, then his chest flutters with relief and he beams.

 

“That's... that's fantastic!”

 

Zayn smiles back, his lips and face still somehow tense.

 

“Yeah, it is. She um... collapsed a few weeks ago.  The doctors say she won't make it if she doesn’t have the operation soon so they kind of put her first on the list of donations.”

 

Niall's guts twist and he tries not to think about how Tricia's relapse probably coincided with the time Niall left Zayn. Niall feels a lump forming at the thought of Zayn having to go through that alone and he clears his throat to try to get rid of it. He asks, “When is the operation?”

 

“Next Friday,” Zayn says, “They say it's kind of a difficult one, but... you know, she has to do it anyway.” His hands and voice are trembling and Niall can see pure anguish in his eyes.

 

He doesn’t know if he's got the license, but he hugs Zayn anyway.

 

“She will be fine,” He assures, “It's really good news that she found a donor. She can have a normal life now.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” Zayn winds his arms around Niall and sobs, “It just... it makes me nervous.”

 

Niall detangles himself from Zayn and he can see how Zayn's eyes are now on Perrie who is looking at him worriedly. Zayn smiles and gestures at her not to worry.

 

Niall smiles at the scene and Zayn turns to look at him, “So, um, yeah, just thought you'd like to know.”

 

Niall nods his head frantically, “Of course I want to know!” He exclaims, “And I really, _really_ hopethat the operation goes perfect.”

 

Zayn smiles at him nervously and rubs his eyes.

 

“I'll be praying for her.” Niall adds.

 

Zayn smiles again, he mouths a “Thanks,” and walks away, looking for Perrie.

 

 

 

As soon as Zayn is gone, Niall finds a secluded area in the basement and cries, letting out all the nerves and anxiety he is feeling. And that's how Harry finds him ten minutes later; sitting against a wall and hugging his legs.

 

He sits down next to Niall and takes a quick gulp at his beer before passing it to the blond and he says good naturedly, “If you want me to, I can distract her with my charm so that you can run away with him.”

 

Niall chuckles. He dries his eyes and takes the beer, gratefully drinking from it in long gulps.

 

Harry frowns and pretends to be offended, “What? don't you think I could do it? You don't think I could charm her?”

 

Niall settles the empty beer on the floor with a soft chattering sound.

 

He dries his lips with his sleeve and responds, “Yeah, I know you could do it very well,” then he casts his eyes at his knees and adds, “But it isn't that.”

 

Harry bumps their knees together, “What is it, then?”

 

Niall scratches his thigh, “You know how Zayn's mother was really sick? Well, she had a relapse and doctors told Zayn that if she didn't get a donor soon she'd die,” His voice wavers a little as he adds, “and that was at the same time I broke up with him so he had to go through it alone and I just feel like shit.”

 

Harry looks at him and strokes his face, “You couldn't have known.” He says with a little voice.

 

“Yeah,” Niall agrees, but that doesn’t seem to make him feel better.

 

“Well, at least your twin was there with him,” Harry offers somewhat dryly.

 

Niall lets out a puff of air in frustration as he observes Harry's low profile, “Don't be like that...”

 

Harry looks at him and attempts to smile. However, his whole demeanor looks stiff. “She's like you with a vagina.”

 

Niall shrugs the subject off, “She seems nice,” he says nonchalantly, “ I like her.”

 

Harry scrunches his face up, nose getting all wrinkly, “You do?”

 

Niall purses his lips and nods, “Yeah, I am happy for him.”

 

Harry observes him and retorts, “Isn't the word jealous?”

 

Niall shakes his head, his face totally relaxed. “No, not really.”

 

He looks at Harry and Harry looks back at him intensely.

 

Niall punches Harry's leg playfully and says, “Don't look at me like that, you are making me nervous!”

 

Harry smirks, “Look at you like what?”

 

“Hazza!”

 

Harry jumps, startled, and Niall groans in pure frustration. They look up to see Josh (one of Harry's friends from his band) walking towards them, shouting, “You have to come with me, they are going to get the cake!”

 

 

 

Harry disappears for the rest of the night. Well, he doesn't. Niall knows where he is. He is with his friends from the band getting shit faced at the tattered table with all the drinks while Niall, Liam and Louis sit on a couch, their eyelids starting to feel heavy.

 

At least, Niall thinks, it's nice that Louis and Liam aren't that kind of couple. They try to be discreet and keep their hands and lips to themselves. So if Niall has to spend the night around them, he doesn't feel like a third wheel. But now it's getting late, and Liam is asking Louis if they can leave, and Louis looks more than eager, (Niall figures that's because Liam is sleeping at Louis' tonight.)

 

Niall had planned to get a taxi with Harry because it's cheaper that way.  So when Liam asks him if he needs a ride, Niall tells him to wait for him for a second and goes to find Harry to check what he is going to do.

 

Harry is making a video of Josh with his phone as the other boy tries to balance his beer on his head as he hops in one leg. There's a loud crash as the glass falls on the floor splashing Niall's jeans with beer.

 

 Miraculously no one gets hurt.

Harry saves the video on the phone, mutters _sick_ under his breath, and looks back up, his eyes falling on Niall.

 

“Hey Nialler!” He exclaims, “Did you see that?”

 

Niall rolls his eyes as he takes a few steps closer to the sweaty mess that is Harry right now.

 

“We are leaving.” Niall says, “Are you coming with us?”

 

Harry instantly pouts, “What? No!” He exclaims. “It's my birthday Niall! It's way too soon.”

 

Niall sighs and rolls his eyes, “No, it's not. I'm tired and I'm leaving.”

 

“But...”

 

Niall loses his patience as he hears Josh drunkenly cheering in his ear, so he interrupts Harry sharply. “Do you want to come with me or not?”

 

Harry snorts and he shoves Josh away from Niall.

 

“Come with you? Uh?”  he says.

 

Niall smiles at him, and softly replies, “Yeah.”

 

Harry wiggles his eyebrows, “Special birthday present?”

 

Niall blushes as he looks around; making sure no one is listening. “You could say.”

 

“Jeez, Haz! Come hereee”

 

Now it's Dan who comes stumbling to them. Dan, who used to be the guitarist in Harry's old band. Dan, who Niall could kill with his bare hands right now.

 

Harry looks over Niall's shoulder and smiles at his friend’s antics. He gestures at them to shut up and his attention flickers back to the blond who is looking at him hopefully.

 

“Mmmm,” Harry says, “I think I'll stay for a little longer.”

 

Niall bites his tongue and shakes his head. “Oh, okay.”

 

Harry cups his chin and asks, “Do you have money for a taxi?”

 

Niall shakes his head, stubbornly trying to get away from Harry's touch. However, Harry holds him in place, “Liam's driving me home.” He finally says.

 

“Just text me when you get there, alright?” And as he says it, Harry looks almost  sober.

 

Niall nods, “Yeah, sure.”

 

He stands there waiting for Harry to let go of his face and Harry strokes his thumb over his bottom lip and leans in for a kiss.

 

His hands settle on Niall's neck as he brings their heads closer. His other hand palming Niall's side, then petting his hip as their lips start sliding together. Niall stands on his tiptoes and Harry's wraps his arms around his waist to make it easier and at the same time his tongue starts exploring the crevices of Niall's mouth. Their tongues move together for a moment and the cheering around them gets louder as someone shouts something rude at them.

 

Niall pulls away, cupping Harry's face and pecking his lips chastely.

 

“You are a chicken, you know?” Niall whispers against Harry's lips.

 

Harry looks at him and they leave a couple of centimeters between their faces so that they can talk without having to go cross eyed.

 

“I am not,” Harry retorts.

 

“But you are. You always lead me on and the moment I respond, you back off.”

 

Harry's eyes flicker to Niall's lips and he licks his in a swift movement.

 

His expression is dead serious when he admits, “I just don't know when you mean it and when you don't.”

 

Niall's eyes bore into his, and the blond says, “I mean it now.”

 

“Hazzzzz,” Dan chides, “Haz come here we want to take a photo of all of us.”

 

Niall turns back to glare at them and he sighs, “Okay, I'll go now.”

 

Harry pecks his lips once again, “Yeah. Text me when you get home.”

 

 

Niall gets home at 02:15 am. He texts Harry at 02:20 am with a plain “I'm home” and he falls asleep at 02:35 am.

 

It's 03:20 am when his phone beeps on his bedside and awakes him in the process. 

 

Niall blinks a couple of times and then, he grunts. Blindly, he reaches for the gadget and presses on a few buttons.

 

From: Harry.

To: Niall.

 

I'm not a chicken. :(

 

From: Niall.

To: Harry.

 

Yes, you are. :p shut up I'm sleeping.

 

From: Harry.

To: Niall.

 

Can I sleep with you?

 

From: Niall.

To: Harry.

 

Not this again. Go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow.

 

From: Harry.

To: Niall.

 

But I want my special birthday present.

 

 

From: Niall.

To: Harry.

 

…..

 

From: Harry.

To: Niall.

 

Open the door.

 

 

Niall gasps. He reaches for the light switch and jolts downstairs. Before he opens the door he runs a hand through his hair and tries to fix his pajamas.

 

Harry stands there. Again in the beanie Niall got him. He's changed his clothes from the party and he has sobered now. Niall looks at him and Harry looks back. And suddenly Niall is clutching Harry's comfy jumper and yanking him towards the house.

 

He brings his index to his mouth, signaling Harry to be quiet and then he brings his arms around Harry's neck and, standing on his tiptoes, he brings their lips together.

 

Harry sighs against his lips and his hands settle on Niall's sides. The blond closes the door with his foot as carefully as he can seeing as his hands are busy raking through Harry's curls, the beanie now laying forgotten on the floor.

 

Their tongues come together and Harry gasps.

 

Niall smiles and shushes him. Then, he pulls away and with his head gestures him to take things upstairs and Harry obeys him, trailing nervously behind Niall as they head for the bedroom.

 

Once they are inside Niall locks the door.

 

Harry stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking around as if this was the first time he was here and Niall walks slowly towards him, and when he's within reach, Harry grabs his wrist and tugs, tilting his head so their lips meet again; a couple of curls bouncing between their foreheads.

 

Their tongues wrestle lazily for a while and Niall nibbles at Harry's bottom lip.

 

Harry makes a funny, strangled noise. His lips leave Niall's to explore the blonde’s skin and, as he leaves a trail of wet kisses down Niall's jaw and across his pale neck, his hands rake up and down Niall's back.

 

Niall breaths heavily, his mouth ajar as Harry kisses a spot on his neck that makes his knees weak. A moan leaves Niall's lips and Harry smirks and licks a wide strip on the now bruising skin.

 

Niall trails his hands down Harry's back and sneaks his fingers under the hem of Harry's jumper; his long fingers running over Harry's lower back and then under his jogging pants to squeeze his ass.

 

Harry moans. He bends his leg and places it between Niall's so that the blond can feel his hard on against his hip.

 

Niall shivers as Harry's thigh puts pressure against his crotch area and subconsciously the blond starts thrusting his hips against it, craving more contact. They kiss again; open mouthed kisses and shared gasps as one of them grinds his hips against the other and the pressure on their dicks becomes too much.

 

Niall feels a hand tugging at his top but he ignores it in favor of sucking Harry's bottom lip between his teeth.

 

However, Harry insists and breathes “Out” against his lips.

 

Niall raises his arms and Harry discards the clothing. He takes his own jumper in a swift movement and the two of them take a short moment to catch their breaths as their eyes roam each other's torsos.

 

Harry wraps his arms around Niall's waist, his hands feeling the skin of his back as he ushers them towards the bed. Niall's legs bump against the mattress and Harry pushes him so that they fall together on it with Harry pinning Niall to the bed.

 

Niall smirks as Harry leaves open mouthed kisses across his collarbone. He says, “Getting a little bit confident, are we?” and then he turns them over so that now Niall is the one on top.

 

He sits on Harry's lap, his hands stretched across Harry's hipbones and Harry looks up at him, his chest heaving up and down. Niall smirks and grinds his hips down one time.

 

“Fuck...”

 

Harry closes his eyes; his face flustered and his erection prodding against Niall's thigh. He tries to push his hips up on the mattress but Niall grabs him more forcefully to keep him in place.

 

Harry is squirming now and Niall smiles, “Impatience much...”

 

A groan escapes Harry's lips, and Niall takes pity on him. He leans over Harry to kiss him quickly on the lips and mutters, “Happy birthday,” and then, “I think you are going to enjoy this.”

 

Harry hums, and Niall's lips start descending down Harry's torso leaving a trail of wet kisses on his way. He slides his tongue over Harry's nipple, blowing air onto it once it's wet.

 

Harry curses again, hand coming to rest at the top of Niall's head, ushering him lower on to his body. Niall obeys, shifting and angling himself so that he is face to face with Harry's groin.

 

The blond hooks his finger under the elastic of Harry’s pants and the younger boys lifts his hips eagerly as Niall pulls down both his jogging pants and his boxers in a quick movement.

 

He looks at Harry and notices that his eyes are not closed anymore. In fact, they are wide open, pupils blown as he looks down at Niall with wild eyes. Niall shivers and takes the base of Harry's throbbing cock, jerking his wrist a couple of times testily before he engulfs him into his mouth.

 

Harry jerks his hips and his head hits the back of Niall's throat making the blond gag uncomfortably. The blond takes Harry out of his mouth as he tries to catch his breath and mutters, “Jeez!”

 

He listens Harry huff out an apology and takes him back into his mouth; twirling his tongue around it, trying to spread the wetness as he pumps the base with his hand.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Harry squirms when Niall kisses the head, his tongue running repeatedly over the slit before taking him back into his mouth fully, his head bobbing up and down in time with the twist of his wrist.

 

Suddenly Harry starts tugging at his hair.

 

“Wait,” he grunts, “I want to come inside you.”

 

Niall moans and gives himself a quick jerk as Harry’s dick slips out of his mouth.

 

 Harry puts his hands under Niall's armpits and tugs at him until they are face to face again He is sweating again and his curls are plastered against his forehead. Niall runs a hand through his hair, messing with the fringe and Harry looks at him, his eyes no longer dark, but timid.

 

Niall kisses him, once one the lips, once on his neck and finally on his cheek and Harry blushes and mutters, “I don't know what to do now.”

 

Niall feels his chest flutter and he can't help the chuckle that leaves his mouth.

 

Harry huffs and looks away, his cheeks crimson.

 

“Don't laugh!” He grumbles, “It’s my first time.”

 

Niall coos at him, leaving an open mouthed kiss on his chin. Harry shakes his head, still offended. However the annoyance doesn't last him long when Niall grabs one of his hands and brings two fingers into his hot mouth, tongue swirling around them as he looks at Harry intently.

 

Harry gulps as Niall takes the fingers out of his mouth with a wet sound and turns them over, so that the blond is now on bottom. Still with Harry's hand in his, he guides Harry's fingers down his body and when the two fingers are angled with Niall's entrance Harry bits his lips and asks, “Won't it hurt?”

 

Niall rubs himself against Harry, his voice hoarse with impatience and anticipation. “No, not it won't.”

 

 Harry introduces his digits carefully and Niall can't help but push his body down, looking for the friction. “Just curve them slightly.” He breaths out.

 

Harry does. He curves them and starts fingering Niall.

 

At first he is careful but, as he starts to elicit moans from the blond his confidence grows and soon Niall is a squirming, sweaty mess.

 

“C'mon. That's enough, I want you now.”

 

Harry lets out a shaky breath and a drop of sweat falls from his hair and onto Niall's chest. He pulls his fingers out of the blond and Niall feels the nerves exuding from his younger friend. He kisses him again, trying to convey a sense of tranquility in his kisses. Then, he raises a hand to stroke Harry's cheek and asks, “Are you sure you want this?”

 

Harry pecks his lips and nods. “Yeah... Yeah, I want this so fucking much.”

 

Niall nods, too. He takes Harry's cock again and it feels slippery in his hand. He tugs at it a couple of times as Harry thrusts against him desperately.

 

“In the nightstand,” Niall breaths out, “There’s condoms and lube...”

 

The minute Harry shifts to get the stuff from the nightstand, Niall misses his weight on top of him. Harry, however, doesn't take long. He rips the condom open with his teeth and discards the wrapper on the floor. Niall watches Harry rolling the condom on and, as he trembles with anticipation, he grabs the lube from Harry and proceeds to slick up Harry's dick.

 

Quickly, he ditches the tube next to them on the mattress and, taking a hold of the base of Harry's cock, he guides it towards his entrance.

 

Harry gulps and says, “If it hurts...”

 

Niall cuts him off, “Shut up and do it already.”

 

Harry nods, readjusting himself between the blonde’s legs as one of his hand comes to rest to the side of Niall’s head to support his weight. Then he slips the head carefully inside Niall.

 

 Niall gasps as he feels his insides stretching around Harry, making a small noise once he has adjusted and is ready for Harry to continue. The brunette slides the rest of his member centimeter by centimeter and when he is fully inside he stops, his face contorting. “Urgh, too tight.”

 

Niall snorts, “Then, do something about it.”

 

Harry nods. He takes his dick completely out, and pushes in back again, this time more easily.

 

“Okay, I think I am ready now.” Niall grunts.

 

Harry kisses the corner of his mouth messily and this time he slams their hips together, his fingers bruising Niall's pale skin as he tries to build a rhythm.

 

For his part, Niall places his hands on Harry's ass, bringing him down to meet his thrusts “Ughhh. Faster.”

 

Harry moans and heaves a sigh as he slams into Niall harder and faster; his hand sliding between their bodies to grab Niall's erection; jerking his wrist to the rhythm of his thrusts, the blond groans. He lifts his hips to fuck against Harry's hand. His head thrown back against the pillow as he feels a familiar knot of warmth spread in in the pit of his stomach as Harry finally hits the spot. “There. Just do that again.”

 

Harry nods breathlessly and he pushes his hips to go deeper inside Niall. “I'm gonna...”

 

With one last pump of his hand, Niall comes undone all over their stomachs. The blond bites his lip trying not to be too loud and falls against the bed in a panting mess, moving his hips lazily to meet Harry's thrusts as he rides out of his orgasm. Then he slings his arms over Harry's neck, bringing their mouths together into a searing kiss until Harry’s arms start to tremble unsteadily and with a grunt releases inside of him.

 

Niall feels Harry's dick slipping out of him and he winces a little as Harry collapses on top automatically tucking his face in Niall's neck and desperately gasping for air.

 

Niall lets him catch his air as he runs his hands up and down his arm and when Harry starts breathing properly Niall pecks him on the mouth. Then he covers their bodies with a blanket and drapes his arm lazily over Harry's side. He looks at Harry who is breathing evenly beside him, his eyes closed and looking spent and Niall smiles as he feels the muscles in his body go limp. 

 

Finally he falls in a deep slumber, his body curling into Harry's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, so I hope I didn't bore you too much because this is looooong!!  
> anyway, Im kind of new with smut so this might be really awkward lame to read but I am a girl therefore never had gay sex :( so um sorry if I made you cringe too much?  
> mmm what do you think of this chapter?  
> I think the edgame pairing is already clear.... hope you like that too :)  
> love youuu alll!!! :) xxx


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arghhhh THIS TOOK SO LONG. Sorry. I'm really, really sorry. But this is it, The end, This is written as some sort of sequel and I hope you like it.  
> I wanted to say thanks to a few people who have been reading and encouraging me since the begginign, franglesque first, of course, thank you so much. And of course Alluah, always the first to comment and jimmyprotested and Bllody mirror whose comments I loved.  
> The rest of you of course, thanks a lot, and my wonderful betas, all of them, thank you so much,  
> My tumblr is ziallfornication, you can find me there if you want.  
> Please let me know what you think, this is short, and written as a sequel, it makes more sense if you still remember the first chapter, oh and I have edited the whole fic, so it's nicer to read. Now that's all, this is written in a rush so probably won't make any sense lol xxxx

 

 

 

 

Maura and Anne met at their childbirth preparation classes.

 

Maura put her mat next to Anne's and made a crude joke about how fat they looked in Lycra. After that day they hit it off immediately.

 

They always paired up to do their exercises together and when the class was over, they had coffee and waited for their husbands to pick them up.

 

Over coffee, they talked about future strolls to the park and first birthday parties preparations and when they got really carried away, they joked about their children falling in love with each other.

 

And eventually they did.

 

 

“Fuck, Harry, will you get up and do something?” Niall demands again.

 

Niall is struggling to lift one of the many boxes scattered around his room. He sends an annoyed glance at his boyfriend, Harry, who is laying on his bed with his face buried against the pillow.

 

“Come here with me.” Harry grunts. “It’s too fucking early, we can do it later.”

 

Niall drops the box on the floor, grimacing when he hears something break. He walks towards the bed and yanks at the blankets.

 

“Liam wants to drive to London at four and we haven’t finished packing.”

 

Harry swats Niall’s hands away and grips the banquets closer to him.

 

“I did finish my packing.” He complains. “You didn’t. Don’t go making it everyone’s problem now.”

 

Niall sighs impatiently and tries not to get too distracted with Harry’s bare back. “Yeah, but you promised me you would help me.”

 

Harry groans again. It’s true that he promised to help Niall, but that was before they decided to go out to celebrate that they were graduating school and moving to London.

 

 

The thing is that when he was five months old Harry used to watch Niall play from his mother’s lap; his legs so tiny that could barely carry his weight.

 

 It used to upset him; watching Niall play with other kids. He whimpered  and wailed and kicked about in Anne’s arms, not understanding why he couldn’t go play with Niall.

 

So when Niall came sobbing to his house and told him that he had got an admittance letter from UCL and he didn’t know what to do, Harry didn’t have to put much thought into it; now that he had fully functioning legs he would follow Niall anywhere.

 

They’ve been planning this for months. They went to London and looked for nice flats and they made a list of all the things they would need and they talked for hours and hours and hours about how it would be.

 

And now, this is it. They are leaving today. He, Niall and Liam.

 

Liam was a last minute addition.

 

He came to them one day, his hands twitching at his sides and a pained expression on his face.

 

He announced that he got the grant, the frigging stupid grant that had cost him so much. He muttered something about residences and timetables and the metro. Then, he burst out crying.

 

He burst out crying because in order to pursue one of his dreams he was going to abandon another dream; Louis had to stay.

 

Of course Louis had to stay. Too many sisters, too little money, and no grants.

 

Niall hugged him, and looking at Harry over Liam’s shoulder, he said, “Don’t be ridiculous. Forget about residences, you are staying with us.”

 

 

“Hey Harry, seriously, get up, we’ll sleep in the car.” Harry snaps out of his thoughts when Niall shakes his shoulder roughly.

 

He protests some more and finally sits at the edge of the bed looking at the mess that is Niall’s room.

 

“What do you want me to do?” He grumbles.

 

“Take the boxes downstairs, but be careful, there’s glass in that one.” Niall says pointing towards one of the boxes.

 

Harry gets up slowly and throws on some clothes. He bends down to pick up a box and curses under his breath at how heavy it is.

 

“What did you put in these? Stones?” He whines.

 

Niall sends him a withering look. He’s been trying to wake up Harry for ages and  now is too late and Liam is going to be there in a couple of hours and there’s still so much to do and, and, and….

 

“Fine,” Harry says resignedly walking towards the door, “See? I’m helping!” He moans disappearing behind the door.

 

When he comes back, though, he is nicely surprised when Niall jumps on him, his legs wrapping around the younger boy's hips and his arms moving to encircle his neck.

“This is it! We are going to live together!”

 

Harry smiles and leans forwards to kiss him lazily. It lasts two seconds, because soon Niall pulls back, fondles Harry’s arse and jumps to the floor, “Common!” He exclaims cheerily, “We have loads to do!”

 

It lasts two seconds but when Harry bends down again to pick yet another box there’s a huge smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

 

The moment they step into their new flat Harry thinks about how far they come.

 

It’s been two years, but the thing is that Harry wouldn’t mind if this lasted longer, (if this lasted forever.)

 

He still remembers his 17th birthday, when he showed up at Niall’s front door late at night and they made love for the first time. He remembers both their flushed faces and guilty expressions when the next morning they had to make their way down the stairs and into the kitchen where Maura was already fixing herself something to eat, _“fuck, she knows, she knows, she fucking knows everything.”_

 He remembers struggling to speak when they went back upstairs and Niall asked him, “So, what now, what was yesterday?” and Harry thought, _“Yesterday? Yesterday was everything.”_ Instead, stuttering something lame that had Niall looking at him with hesitance until Harry crashed their lips together and breathed out, _“let’s leave the awkwardness for later, shall we?”_

 

It’s been two years, but it’s been a life time.

 

 

 

Life in London is busy. Liam is very busy. Studying, doing his homeworks, being perfect, being Liam. From Monday to Friday that is. On weekends, when Louis comes visiting, he refuses to do anything, (and anything means anything) that doesn’t involve his boyfriend.

And, isn’t life ironic… in the train to London, Louis always coincides with Zayn.

 

He tells Louis that Perrie is studying arts and drama in the capital but that he decided to stay in Doncaster, ( he tells Louis that he has a couple of projects going on in Doncaster, but the truth is that Zayn is a mummy’s boy, and now that Tricia has regained her health, Zayn just wants to enjoy his every second next to her.)

 

They sit together side by side and they share a laugh or two over past memories, and they discover, (and this is a surprise) that they are not as bitter as they thought.

 

 

Life in London is difficult.

 

Harry snuggles closer to Niall on the couch. It’s a cold winter and fuck, they don’t have heating because it was too expensive, and it’s been two days in a row they have had sandwich for dinner because again, no money, and Niall is talking about getting jobs.

 

“But if we spend the morning at uni and the afternoons at work, when will I see you?” Harry whines.

 

Niall wiggles his eyebrows, and scoots closer to him, “We still have the nights.”

 

Harry plants a little kiss on Niall’s neck, “Think about it, though.”  He says, “We won’t be able to cuddle in the afternoons anymore.”

 

“That sucks.” Niall concedes, “But still better than starving to death, right?”

 

Harry snorts, and pokes at Niall’s little tummy.

 

“Oh, I don’t think that will be happening anytime soon, Horan.” He jokes.

 

Niall puts a hand on Harry’s chest and pushes him, puffing indignant, “Are you calling me fat?”

 

Harry looks at him with a glint of laughter and adoration in his eyes, “Never, baby, you are gorgeous.”

 

Harry swats Niall’s hand away from his chest and yanks at Niall until the blond is sitting on his lap.

 

“We don’t need heating.” He says wrapping his arms around Niall, “I’ll just hold you like this and we will be fine.”

 

Niall hides his face on Harry’s neck and whispers, “I’m afraid of what will happen with Liam, though.”

 

Harry humphs, “Liam is clever; he’ll know what to do.”

 

Niall leaves a wet kiss on Harry’s neck. He trails his lips up past Harry’s jaw until he’s finally kissing him languidly on the lips.

 

Harry places his hands on Niall’s bum, grinds.

 

“We’ll just starve.” Niall finally whispers breathily.

 

Harry nods and pecks him on the nose. “Yeah, starvation sounds perfectly fine to me.”

 

 

Life in London is madness.

 

 After three years of struggle, Harry, Niall and Liam finally graduate.

 

Liam is no longer living with them. He moved yesterday back to Doncaster. He said it was because life in London was too much for him, (The truth is that life without Louis is too painful for him.)

 

They celebrated together, the four of them, and there was so much to celebrate: the graduation, the fact that Louis was here, the fact that Liam and Louis were finally going to be together…

 

They all drank themselves into oblivion, and if Harry and Niall had sex in one of the toilets, well, they can blame it on alcohol. There were tears, too. Because Niall and Harry were staying in London whereas Louis and Liam were moving back to Doncaster.

 

“It won’t be quite the same.” Harry had whined against Niall’s shoulder as they walked, (stumbled,) towards their flat.

 

“Shhh. Shhh. Babes it will be fine. We will be fine. You are just drunk.”

 

 

Life in London is beautiful.

 

There are a lot of landmarks in Harry and Niall’s relationship. They could celebrate the day their mothers met, (the day their lives, their fates crossed paths.) They could celebrate their first kiss, their first time, the first time Niall said “I love you.”

 

They have plenty of excuses to celebrate. That’s what Harry needs right now; an excuse.

 

He is waiting for Niall to show up in one of London’s most expensive restaurants, and it’s been five years since they moved to London.

 

He orders wine, fiddles with his napkin, and pretends that he is paying attention to the menu.

 

Soon, he notices Niall walking towards the table; a big dazzling smile on his lips, and _gods,_ he looks _so_ , so beautiful in that suit, and Harry is already thinking of another escape to the toilets.

 

His hands are sweaty, his heart pounding loudly against his ribcage and he thinks, _this is it, Harry this is finally it._

 

As Niall gets closer and closer everything comes rushing back, and wow, they have come such a long way.

 

His life has always run parallel with Niall’s. Parallel, or maybe intertwined, that Harry doesn’t know.

 

What he does know is that there was a time when his life revolved around Niall, but that now, at this stage, his whole life is Niall.

 

They are _HarryandNiall_ , always have been. Maybe because they didn’t know how to be anything else. But the thing is, at this point Harry doesn’t want to learn how to be anything else.  HarryandNiall is fine. HarryandNiall is _perfect._

 

 _His stomach clenches as he wonders what_ Niall will answer to the question he will ask tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

(Niall will say yes.)

 

 

 


End file.
